The Devil Dog Disaster
food, Short stories October 28th, 2007My 11-yr-old niece loves to read stories in this blog about when her mother, my sister Ann, was a kid herself. She loves to hear about what she was like when she was her age and the silly or stupid things she did.
One such story involves a bike, a serious misjudgment and a pair of Drake’s Devil Dogs.
Here’s the thing about Devil Dogs. It was Ann’s favorite snack food back then and the first thing she’d spend her allowance money on. And she could get them just about any time she wanted. We were lucky to have not one, but two, corner stores near our house growing up. One was called The Apple Shack, which was owned by a woman named — I kid you not — Candy Apple.
The other one was called Verna’s, run by a little old lady and her husband. Located about three blocks from home, it was the quintessential Mom and Pop store. Sure, they sold incidentals like milk and bread for adults, but we kids knew it only as Junk Food Central.
Among other things, Verna sold ice cream, popsicles, homemade cupcakes and shoe-fly pie and giant lollipops bigger than our heads. She had a large wooden, glass-front case where we could peer inside at the array of penny candy and ask Verna to put together a little brown bag full of sugary confections. You could score a pound of goodies for about a buck if you chose wisely.
I always liked to get red licorice shoelaces, Flying Saucers, Tootsie Roll Midgies and Chick-0-Sticks, the latter being something of a cross between a less-sweet version of Butterfingers and pretzel sticks. You had to chisel half of it off your teeth, that is, if you had any left after eating them. Chick-o-Sticks and mortar. Same difference.
Then there’s Ann. Ever the discerning snack connoisseur, she had just one favorite — the Drake’s Devil Dog, a devil’s food cream sandwich whose wafers were shaped somewhat like a hot dog bun, hence the name. She’d eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner if our mother let her.
One Saturday afternoon in 1975, after getting our allowances, we decided to go on a candy and Devil Dog run to Verna’s. We hopped on our banana-seat bikes, pedaled hard up a two block hill, rounded the corner, dropped our bikes in front of the store, and had Verna throw some stuff together. Me with my grab bag, and Ann with her two Devil Dogs.
When we got outside and prepared to bike back home, Ann realized she should have gotten a bag for her things but didn’t feel like running back inside for one. Standing there, straddling her bike, she maneuvered the handlebars with just the palms of her hands, while she held the Devil Dogs with the tips of her fingers so as not to smoosh them.
I told her, "You’re not gonna be able to ride right if you hold ’em that way."
"Yes I can!" she shot back.
I seriously doubted it, and sure enough, she would soon pay dearly for this error in judgment.
We set off for home, proud that we still had a few bucks left of our allowance and happy to have enough snacks to spoil our dinner. As we approached the hill we biked up on, we prepared to set sail downward. It was always great to pick up speed and catch the wind in our hair. We’d blast through the stop sign at the bottom of the hill, then race each other home in the last block.
But this ride was like no ride before, because somebody cared more about the welfare of her Devil Dogs than getting home in one piece. We’d gotten about halfway down the hill and picked up considerable speed when Ann hit a patch of stones in the road and it was all over in a flash. Because her hands were gripping the Devil Dogs instead of the handlebars, any chance of controlling the bike went right out the window. It was a hopeless situation.
When she braked to try to stop the slide, she was thrust head first over the handlebars and got herself caught in them so that she and the bike crashed to the ground in a twisted metal ‘n legs pretzel. Together they slid for about ten feet. And all along the way, gravel and other road debris became embedded in what were now ripples and ripples of scraped-up skin.
Had her dismount been part of an Olympic event, the judges would have leapt to their feet and pronounced it a "10" because not only did she damage herself quite badly, she also rendered her bike un-rideable. It was a perfectly-orchestrated knockout and both of them were down for the count.
The first thing I did, of course, was run to her aid and see if she could stand up. Crying and moaning, she gingerly rose to her feet and insisted she could walk home. I helped her over to the curb and urged her to sit back down and get her bearings first. I turned around to assess the damage. Looking in the street at her mangled bike, handlebars all askew, I spotted the reason Ann found herself battered and bloodied.
Amid the mangled mess of her bike lie two perfectly rounded, fully-formed, light and fluffy Devil Dogs, still in their micro-thin plastic wrap. The only visible damage was that some of the cream had oozed out the sides, but the wrap hadn’t burst. And they hadn’t been squashed. Ann’s dribbling blood all down her leg, but by God, her Devil Dogs were safe. And wasn’t that the point of all this?
She and her bike had seen better days. I did manage to bend back the front wheel to align it straight enough so she could push it. It squeaked a sad little squeak with each step we took on the slow walk home. After Ann limped through the door, our mother treated and disinfected her wounds and bandaged her hands and leg.
"How in the world did this happen?" Mom asked.
"I was…. sniffle …. trying to …. sniffle …. save the Devil Dogs," Ann whimpered.
"Well I hope you know that’s not a good enough reason."
Mom’s always right, but to Ann, it felt like reason enough. She did what she set out to do and saved the Dogs. And, as a bonus, was excused from having to go to church that night. To this day, despite the mayhem and carnage of that Saturday afternoon, she might even tell you it was worth it.
Tell us, Ann, was it?
Stumble it!
October 28th, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Heehee. Sounds like something I’d do. Although sometimes I like ’em better squished.
October 28th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Well, all I can say is that I still enjoy riding bikes and eating Devil Dogs, but not at the same time!
October 28th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
Oh how I enjoyed that trip down memory lane with banana seat bikes and penny candy.
We had a Ben Franklin’s that had plexiglass counters that were separated by wooden partitions. Inside each section was a different type of penny candy.
The only one I really remember was the Bazooka Joe pieces of gum that had a riddle inside the wrapper and some cheap item (like 3D Spy Glasses) you could get for “free” if you sent in 112 Bazooka Joe gum wrappers.
We didn’t have Devil Dogs or Drakes in Michigan. Maybe ours is Hostess over here?
October 28th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
@ Regan — I don’t dislike squished food. It all goes to the same place. But it’s sure easier to eat if it’s not!
@ Ann — While writing the story, I developed a huge craving for DD’s and all the goodies we used to get. Thankfully, we still had some Butterfingers left over from trick-or-treat night. Closest thing to a Chick-o-stick I’ll get today!
@ Cardiogirl — There’s something timeless about gazing at lots of candy in big bins, behind glass. I was a kid again when I visited the Hershey store in Times Square last summer.
Bazooka Joe! Sometimes you’d get a piece so hard, you just knew it was sitting in the bin for months. But we’d eat it anyway. Maybe that was the reason for all my teeth problems in my twenties?!?!
Drake’s was distributed in NY, PA and other northeastern states. In the 90’s they were bought by the same company who owns Hostess (a nat’l brand), their arch rival for many years.
Glad you liked the trip down memory lane!
October 28th, 2007 at 10:43 pm
(gasp) Even I like Bazooka Joe! Gum is yummy. =)
October 29th, 2007 at 3:12 am
Oh, how you brought back memories:
1) Banana seat – check
2) Penny candy in paper bags – check
3) Horrendous bike accident on a hill – check.
Actually that last one happened to my cousin. While I sailed down a treacherously steep hill in her home town of Ottawa, she proceeded to cartwheel off her bike and landed on gravel as well. She was so banged up she needed stitches and cried all the way home whilst I walked both bikes and watched her bleed, drip, drip, drip. Not one of my favorite holiday memories, that.
October 29th, 2007 at 5:16 am
Hi, Kathy! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. I hope you’re saving them to some other medium incase anything ever happens to the blog. Your children and family will thank you years from now for having written the stories now.
Keep writing!
October 29th, 2007 at 10:46 am
Mom — ‘Heroes – Food Version’ was NOT on back then. You will NOT save the world if you save the Devil Dogs.
October 29th, 2007 at 10:47 am
@ Maureen — Wow, sure sounds like you can relate — right down to the bike accident. Of course, those were the 70s, before kneepads and helmets. Hopefully, kids are much safer now when they spin out on their bikes. And I’m real sure it happens somewhere every day of the week.
@ Moonshadow — Thanks so much for stopping by. I’m glad you liked the story. And, yes, I copy everything over from my blog to another medium in case something goes horribly wrong with my blog!
October 29th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Oh, I love this story. You really capture and relate that nostalgic feeling from childhood: riding bikes, spending allowances on junk, bike accidents: universal!
Looking back, I’m surprised my mom let us buy all that junk. When I was younger, it was B.J.’s–a local penny candy store, and then, later, White Hen. I usually went for chocolate: Charleston Chews or Milky Ways or Hostess Cupcakes.
According to the unwritten code of childhood, Ann did everything right. I’m glad she (and the Dogs) weren’t seriously injured!
October 29th, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Awesome story. Your niece should appreciate this one.
I took the gravel hill spill myself, but not because I was trying to save my cakes. It was the very first time my mom let me ride around the blog alone and I didn’t have the experience to navigate gravity. I think she still feels guilty about it to this day.
October 29th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
@ JD — Glad you liked it. It was fun reliving it as I wrote it. Those were the days. Hopping on your bike and riding off, not a care in the world. Fun stuff!
I was not much of a Hostess fan. I preferred TastyKakes (like Drake’s, it is/was an east coast thing). I love to have a couple packages of Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes and a tall glass of real milk. Mmmm!
@ Jeff — Thanks! Ah, that pesky gravity. Getting people into so much trouble.
October 29th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Wow, great story! Gave me nice memories of our own corner store, Gibson’s. My mom likes to brag that she always gave us each a dollar to spend there, and I’d always give mine away.
I always wondered what devil dogs were. My favorite snack of that calibre are Little Debbie’s Nutty Bars.
October 29th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Marie — What a kind person you are, givin’ away your money like that.
We were a Tastykake household, whereas my best friend’s house was a Little Debbie’s. I’ve had more than a healthy share of their brownies over at her place 🙂
November 1st, 2007 at 11:38 pm
glad you like the curious signs blog. I’m having fun with it! I am definitely hooked on your blog now, too, especially since I live in the Midwest now (after growing up in NYC) and WE DON’T HAVE DEVIL DOGS HERE!!! I’m more angry about it than ever now that I recently found out that they’re all owned by the same company now!
good times. you’re totally making me crave a devil dog right now! Luckily, I am going home in a couple of weeks, so I should be able to get one then . . .
November 1st, 2007 at 11:43 pm
@ S&W — Thanks for stopping by! I don’t know how I missed finding your blog. It’s right up my alley. I love looking out for the unusual.
So you’re a fan of the Devil Dog, eh? I do enjoy them, but I absolutely cannot eat them without milk. They go hand in hand. The cakey part is just too dry for me.
Hope you get one when you’re back home!
June 5th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
owww that had to hurt but im a ho ho person
May 28th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I really enjoyed that story. It had me laughing at points.