The Shampoo Snafu
Short stories, suburbia January 3rd, 2008I have characterized The Junk Drawer as cheap therapy because it’s where people can come to unload and unwind. Rants are more than welcome here. I have them, I support them and I listen to them because I feel other people’s pain. I believe ranting is how we survive our days.
This is why my sister, Ann, felt it entirely appropriate to call me up today without so much as a Hello, and rant thusly:
Me: Hello?
Ann: I’m never going back to Wal-mart as long as I live. Do you HEAR me???
Me: What happened?
Ann: I left a freaking bag over there and now I have to battle traffic to go get it!!! I got home and was looking for all my shampoos and stuff and I realized I left it there!!!
Me: Mm-hmm.
Ann: You know what the problem is?
Me: What?
Ann: I’ll tell you what it is. It’s those stupid bag carousel things that the cashier puts your crap in and when they spin that freaking thing, your bags are out of sight and you don’t know how many you have to take and they put like only two things in each bag trying to match up similar items.
And then you have like seven bags to carry and God, I wouldn’t care if they put a turkey in a bag with my lipstick! Just put it all in one bag and I’ll throw it over my shoulder like Santa Claus and hightail it out of there!!!!
Me: Breeeeathe. Release. Breeeeeathe. Release.
Ann: Why do they even have those things? What ever happened to just throwing the bags on a flat bin thing like every other store has? Huh? Then you could see all your bags and not forget any. God!!! I can’t believe I have to go back there! You know how bad their parking lot is!!! I wanted to come home, relax, eat and lay on the couch. But nooooo! I have to go out in this freezing cold wind and battle through all the people to get to my stupid bag. I’m never going there again. Do you HEAR me?
For the record, my sister is a kind and reasonable woman who is only rattled by forgotten, loosely-filled bags.
Oh, now wait a minute. Ann just called back with an update. This next rant is worse than the first and I have to hold the phone a foot from my ear because there’s a TNT explosion coming out of it.
Ann: Do you freaking believe this!??! They didn’t have my bag!!! They told me to go to the stupid Returns counter behind a line of people. I’m not making a return! I’m picking something up! I flagged down a lady and begged her to check for a bag that I just called about. She brings a bag over, I look inside and IT’S NOT MY STUFF!!! It’s somebody’s else’s shampoo! It’s Pantene! And mine had Sunsilk! And there’s other junk in there that’s not mine. Oh my God! Why are there two forgotten bags with shampoo in them? Why is this happening to me?
Me: Because it’s Thursday?
Ann: So they say they don’t have my bag, but they told me I could go run around the store and get the items I’m missing and then go get rung up again. Are you freaking kidding me? Oh my God! I just did that 20 minutes ago. I don’t even KNOW what I DON’T have! By this point I look like Elaine [from Seinfeld fame] in that episode where she’s trying to drive her stupid houseguest to the airport. Remember that? My hair’s all over the place and I’m just standing there, like in a bubble. I couldn’t hear anything around me anymore. I thought everything was gonna go dark. All I was thinking is that I had to get home to meet Regan from school!!
Me: What’d ya do?
Ann: I left!!!
Me: So you still don’t have your stuff?
Ann: No! I’m going to call them again and ask them to look again.
CLICK.
Ten minutes later………
Ann: They have my bag. Wanna know where it was?
Me: Where?
Ann: Right freaking next to the other person’s shampoo bag with a note on it that read "Ann FakeLastName. Customer forgot in store. Will pick up."
Me: What are you going to do?
Ann: Pick it up at 3AM when there’s no people there except for employees!!!! As God is my witness, I’ll never shop there again!! Do you HEAR me? Thanks for listening. I feel better now.
Me: That’s what I’m here for.
CLICK.
————
So you see. If you’re spending too much on therapy that’s getting you nowhere, just stop by The Junk Drawer. I will never make fun of you for a rant, I will never tell you to lighten up and I will ALWAYS listen.
Got anything to rant about? The doctor is in.
Stumble it!
January 3rd, 2008 at 6:43 pm
You’re not fooling me, Kathy! You patiently listened to your sister because you knew how funny this post would be!!! I’ve got sore cheeks from smiling so much as I read this.
You know? I think I was behind your sister at WalMart the other day. Poor woman wouldn’t have been happy if they’d given her coupons for $100 in free merchandise. All the poor employee said was, “…but we don’t sell that brand. See it says Target…”
Lee’s last blog post..Outside Looking In
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:01 pm
You have amazing patience Kathy ! And I just smiled ear to ear while reading this post !
I’m sure Ann will be back shopping at Walmart before we know it. Who can beat their prices ?
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:16 pm
“It’s Pantene! And mine had Sunsilk!”
BWAH!
Poor Ann. I hate those stupid carousel bag holders at Wal-Mart, too. With that kind of system, how are you ever guaranteed of getting all your stuff?
Ann, I feel your pain. And I laughed uproariously at it, too.
JD’s last blog post..I Play the Telephone Game so you don’t have to
January 3rd, 2008 at 7:45 pm
To all of my sister Kathy’s minions….I made one final trip this morning to pick up my bag of shampoo. I left my house before sunrise, found a premium parking spot, walked up to the empty customer service desk, where a waiting clerk pleasantly asked what she could do for me. After she discovered that I was “Ann of the Shampoo Bag”, she cheerfully handed it to me. We chuckled over the situation, and I left the store, drove home with nary a car in sight, and carefully nestled my No-Frizz Sunsilk shampoo beside my other hair products just as nature intended.
I will continue shopping, but only at carousel-free stores.
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Wow.. there is some rage contained in that phone conversation. I must admit I would probably do something similar. I hate shopping in overcrowded stores staffed by morons.
Riayn’s last blog post..Doctor’s Appointment
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Yep. I hate Wal-Mart. What’s with the name anyway? It sounds like a furniture store that sells walls!!!!
And that SunSilk is for me. xD
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Oh my–its reasons like this that make me hate shopping at walmart.
A couple months ago, I had to bring back spark plugs (un opened). I went so early the service desk wasn’t open yet. I did some shopping, then decided to return them. All heck broke loose because I didn’t get one of those happy face stickers on my receipt when I first walked in. I was semi-accused of stealing spark plugs. One dollar spark plugs!
Do 22 year old girls that wear pink striped knee socks really have the need for some yucky, cheap spark plugs? I think not.
Now, if I go to that particular walmart (I have my choice of 3, they’re all over the place), I still ignore the greeter that accused me. Makes my day a little brighter…
StephanieC’s last blog post..a discussion
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:22 pm
I’m glad for you Ann. Maybe now we ought to compile a list of carousel-free Walmart stores for you ! Can Walmart-Canada be on the list ?
You know sometimes I wish Walmart next to me had self-serve express checkouts. To me, it’s just faster than standing in a long line on the weekend just to pay for a few items !
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Regan: Walmart was founded by a Sam “Walton”
January 3rd, 2008 at 8:43 pm
That’s an ordeal no doubt. Seeing the loss of nominal items consume a consumer is a bummer.
Maybe a phone call to the store manager asking (nicely) to have someone deliver the lost bag to my house might be a test of their exemplary customer service.
If store management is unable to rectify the situation by going “above and beyond”, then they are not worth your hard earned money. Walmart or not.
If I was a store manager taking your sisters call, I would have called for a taxi and sent the lost bag over straight away. A small price to pay for customer loyalty… but then again we’re talking about Walmart.
Buy elsewhere (hard)
Buy American (harder)
Keep your cool. (harderest)
BigNerd’s last blog post..Doh! No Power, No Blog.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 pm
Lee — You know me too well. As soon as the tirade started, I grabbed some paper and started making notes. I’m thinking to myself “Oh, Ann. I’m so sorry. But this is going to make an excellent post!”
Jaffer — Ann claims she will never shop at another Wal-mart again. I think I believe her. This was a doosey of a visit. Ann and I both prefer self-checkout lines. She informs me, though, that none were open at the time. I’ve checked out full carts of groceries that way. I can do it faster than anyone else and my husband and I have a top-notch system. I scan, he bags. We’re dynamos. We hate when we can’t self-check ourselves out.
JD — I’m always worried I’ll miss a bag myself. But I can guarantee you after this, I’ll be watching my bags like a hawk.
Ann — Thanks for chiming in and letting us know you got your bag and the shampoo is home, safe and sound. We’re all glad it ended on a high note, despite your ordeal.
Riayn — My sister and I are always saying we want to order everything online and have it delivered to our doorsteps. If only that wouldn’t cost so much. We’d never have to set foot in another store again!
Regan — You are loved. For your mother to have gone back into the beast to get your shampoo after all that….
StephanieC — Hilarious! I’m sorry, but I pictured your standing there in your pink-striped knee socks holding a batch of spark plugs. It looks very funny to me. Thanks for sharing. I feel your pain.
BigNerd — If you were a store manager who did that, you’d be greeting a lot of stunned people at the door. Can you imagine? I bet mom and pop stores would do something like that. But, yeah, we’re talking Walmarts here. You get what you pay for.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:08 pm
You are twisted Kathy. I like it.
January 3rd, 2008 at 9:35 pm
I went to the grocery store once and bought 2 packages of those seasoning things for fajitas among a few other things. THey didn’t make it home with me.
Keep in mind, the packets were 2 for a buck – on sale.
I went back up there (I *really* wanted fajitas) and explained that they were NOT in my bags. They went and checked the lane I paid at and nothing. THey came back and said “Ma’am, we have no proof you don’t have these”.
Pardon me? Really? Would I drive home, completely unpack my groceries and drive back for soemthign that was 2 for a buck?? Really?? Truly??
After talking with 3 different people, I was about 3.74 seconds from throwing a dollar at them (did I mention I REALLY wanted fajitas) when they said, “Well, we will make an exception this ONE time for you”.
Kiss my tushie….Pucker up jerkfaces.
Aaaahhhh….. I feel better.
And yes, the chicken fajitas I made that night were fantastic.
Margaret’s last blog post..Very Serious Question a.k.a. MOO! – UPDATED!!!!
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I don’t know about your sister but I feel much better after that…..:):):):)
robert bourne’s last blog post..Alabama Backroads
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:19 pm
I can relate to Anne, I have been there. I just make my husband pick the stuff up. I bet she shops there again though. 😉
Marie’s last blog post..It is decidedly so.
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:12 pm
That could have been me. I’ve hated those Wal Mart carousels — which I call “rotate-y things” — the moment I started using them.
I don’t know if you have Dollar General stores where you live, but the ones here have the “rotate-y things” now, too.
Libertine’s last blog post..Looking Back At the 70s
January 3rd, 2008 at 11:15 pm
I hate shopping at Wal-Mart!! I feel like Ann everytime I go to that store. I choose to grocery shop at the local grocer. The most terrible thing about that is my husband is a Wal-Mart employee….he doesn’t like shopping there either. The last time I shopped at the nightmare store was for Christmas gifts….because we get an employee discount.
I give my husband the short shopping list and ask him to get the stuff on his way out the door.
Sam’s last blog post..New Beginnings!!
January 4th, 2008 at 1:09 am
OMG … I have tears…lol. As soon as you got to the part where she’s describing that carosel thing for the bags I yelled at the computer.. “YES!” and was nodding my head in agreement…. That’s when I realized I’m way too involved in the story…but OMG she’s so RIGHT! lmao…
And yes…I remember that Seinfeld episode…omg, I need a kleenex. Too funny.
DrowseyMonkey’s last blog post..Alrighty Then….
January 4th, 2008 at 1:52 am
LOL! Thank you DrowseyMonkey for sending me here! GREAT POST! I could totally relate to Ann’s predicament – having sworn off KMart AND WaMart (over and over again) for much the same reasons! Hilarious post!!!!
Olga, the Traveling Bra’s last blog post..A Desperate Cry for Help!
January 4th, 2008 at 5:10 am
chriscasey — I always wanted to be twisted when I grew up. Thanks!
Margaret — Oh my God! 2 for a buck and they care?!?! Funny story! That’s SOOO something that would happen to me.
Robert — I don’t think Ann felt better until she got the bag home. Luckily, she did. And all is right in the world.
Marie — She says she won’t shop there again, but if she does, I bet it’ll be for items that’ll fit in just ONE bag.
Libertine — Thanks for the tip about Dollar General having the rotate-y things. Rotate-y things bad.
Sam — At least if your husband works there, he can easily pick up forgotten items. You’re really lucky in that regard. You know, if my husband worked there, that’d be bad for him because I’d be telling him to bring stuff home every single day. I’d never have to leave the house again.
DrowseyMonkey – See! It IS those stupid carousels! Nobody likes them! I say we start a petition to rid the world of rotate-y things!
Olga, the Traveling Bra — Let this all be a lesson to us. Never, EVER, leave the store without checking our bags. Make ’em spin that stupid thing around and around until we’re sure!
January 4th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Haha….sounds like a conversation between me and my mom. We always rant to each other about stuff.
And yes, I hate those bag carousels at Walmart. More times than not I have to go back because I forgot one.
Jacki’s last blog post..Aloha Friday!
January 4th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Ann: On behalf of everyone here at The Junk Drawer, thank you for giving us closure. Now, get busy and start writing your own blog. Thank you.
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I Play the Telephone Game so you don’t have to
January 4th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Ok, that was just hilarious, and I am so guilty of doing the same thing.
Paula T.’s last blog post..Happy New Year!
January 4th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Well this is timely! I just got back from Walmart and there were long lines and only two self checkouts open. My husband snagged the manager and told him about efficiency and how to better handle the cashier logistics. We HATE the store but it costs about half of what the other stores charge, and rich we ain’t so……….
My husband basically refuses to shop there. And yep, I’ve had issues with the bag carousel too.
windyridge’s last blog post..I’ve Been Translated
January 4th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I have the same mechanism on my blog. It is an ongoing rant called “The Dip-Shit”. I post about 3 of them a month, because that is how many similar episodes I have.
As for your sister, it is Wal-mart for Christ’s sake. What does she expect….service and competency with those lower prices?
January 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
My sister has a friend who refers to Wal-Mart as “Voldemort” (of Harry Potter fame) because of an accusation by a greeter while trying to return something. The employees are not evil people, but something about the attitude they foster twists everything and everybody…
Ann in NJ’s last blog post..A New Year
January 4th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
JD: I don’t need a blog, for I live vicariously through Kathy’s. My job is to provide back-up emergency rant material in the event that she runs into a dry spell. That’s what sister are for…., but thanks….
January 4th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
ann – This might be all good, because sometimes is takes an event like this to get someone to see the light. Wal-mart is evil in many ways, much larger than most people realize. Hopefully this will help you decide to do what I have done, and not shop there anymore.
Jeff’s last blog post..It’s left for me
January 4th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Hey, Kathy, TAG, you’re it!! :0)
Lee’s last blog post..Tag…I’m It
January 4th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Jacki — Luckily I’ve never forgotten one at Walmart, but only because I rarely shop there. Now, I KNOW I won’t ever forget a bag after all this!
JD — I agree, Ann needs a blog, a “rant a day” one.
Paula — So glad you liked it. p.s. It looks like Wyatt had a great Christmas.
Windyridge — Honestly, who would shop there if their prices weren’t so good?
lotus07 — Ditto. And I think I’m due for another “10 Things that Annoy Me” post. I have so many.
Ann in NJ — Hilarious. I shall always know it now as Voldmort! I think they train their greeters to be that aggressive. I can’t believe those people want to be that way. That’s my theory, and I’m stickin’ to it.
Ann of the Shampoo Bag — Yes, but you have the rant thing down so well… Half my posts are rants, so you would do well!
Jeff — Ann swears she’ll never shop there again. One down, 100 million more to go.
Lee — That meme looks scary. Lemme mull it over.
January 4th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Oh my! I know what she means. I avoid Wal-mart if at all possible and go to Target instead. Wal-Mart never has enough lines open and they are so slow! Go to Target and save yourself the aggravation!
Judy’s last blog post..My Two Cats New Year Resolutions
January 5th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Kathy, I loved your post, mostly b/c there was no exaggeration. I know that b/c that is me! I had to quote you today.
January 5th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Just finished shopping at my favorite grocery store that has self-checkout available. That is truly a thing of beauty. The speed with which I am able to complete my order is the stuff of dreams…..the disembodied female voice that announces each purchase can’t even keep up with me!
Three days without Walmart and counting……
January 5th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Judy — I, for one, would love to shop at Target. I don’t have one very close to my house. The key question is: Does Target have the bag carousels?
Mamabug — Glad you loved it. Get your aggressions out at The Junk Drawer!
Ann of the Shampoo Bag (you do know I’ll be referring to you as that the rest of your life, right?) — I’m so glad you had such a pleasant self-scanning experience today. And we’re counting, too. If I ever find out you went to Walmart, I’m going to blog about it. How’s that for motivation?
January 5th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Well, after the Wal**** incident, neither of us are allowed to say thw word. It’s known as the ‘W’ word…
June 5th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
wait one incident and everyone is mad at walmart my grandma works there (yes it is embarassing)
November 5th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
hi kathy,
your patience to hear your sister made me think you are simply wonderful and also it makes me laugh too.
——-
ragavendra
Anna- Designer PetLine Cat Shampoo
November 9th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Regan — So has your mother kept her promise all this time NOT to shop there?
brooke — It’s bigger than this. The list of reasons is looooong. But it’s OK your grandma works there. We don’t hold it against her.
ragavendra — Well, I was a little evil because I sat there taking blog notes as she went on her little rant. I knew it would make good material. She has to watch what she says to me now or I might use it!