No Man is An Island, Except in the Bathroom
embarrassing, work April 24th, 2008
Ahhh, bathroom issues at work. We either hear something we don’t want to hear, or see something we don’t want to see.
The two bathrooms nearest my office are single-use. You have to lock the door behind you because the only toilet inside has no privacy wall around it. The room has just the toilet, a chair, a sink and a trash can. And the toilet is at the farthest point from the door.
If you forget to lock the door, you’re in serious trouble. If someone comes in, unless you can cross the space-time continuum, there’s no way you can slam it shut before they see you.
Someone forgot to lock the door.
Here’s a run-down of the voice mail I got from a colleague who walked in on some poor sap.
Kath, the opposite of my worst fear happened to me. I walked in on a dude in the bathroom who didn’t lock the door. He was totally exposed, man. Just an island out there. He was an older dude. I don’t know who it was.
As I’m shuttin’ the door, I’m like “You gotta lock the door, dude!” He’s like “I know! I’m sorry!” Usually I’m scared I’m on the opposite end of that, totally prone! Dude. It was crazy. God! I have a 2:00 meeting. I gotta go. God!
When I met up with him later, he told me that in the split second he was witness to the horror, he could tell the guy was hunkered down for a long visit. He had the chair pulled up in front of the bowl and was reading! On the toilet! At work? The hell???
I will never understand why a man will take reading material into a bathroom at work, plan to stay a while, and forget to lock the door. Maybe he was so excited about the latest Wall Street Journal, locking the door slipped his mind?
When I use the ladies room, I probably check the lock four different times before I’m sure I’m safe. If someone walked in on me, I’d have to find a new job. I could never go back.
And let’s not forget there were two victims here. The obvious one, but also my colleague, whose eyes are still burning from the vision. No matter how brief the encounter, he’ll probably never forget it.
For the love of God, check the lock once, twice, three times if you have to. I’m not sure post-traumatic stress disorder is covered under my benefits plan.
Stumble it!
May 5th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Well this is simple mans logic you see.
It’s all do with pest control. It’s inevitable that ants will be looking at coming into our homes this summer and us men use great logic often learned from old war movies to deal with such problems.
You see, it’s trap. If you attract the enemy to something they want you can ambush them and voila, end of enemy.
So basically he is actually setting up an ambush for any ants that are planning on infiltrating your home.
See he is practical and not a complete waste of time
Forest Parks’s last blog post..Bloggers Pets: Meet Moki
May 5th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
If you are looking for me to do an “Ask a man, why?” guest post i’m up for it… 🙂
You could ask me questions in the comments and i’ll give the TRUE answers to the mysteries you have always wondered about! :):):)
Forest Parks’s last blog post..Bloggers Pets: Meet Moki
May 6th, 2008 at 4:46 am
Forest Parks — I had no idea there was so much thought behind leaving crumbs on the counter. Although, we had ants last summer that we could never get rid of. Maybe his plan backfired?
This idea for “Ask a man, why?” is great. I’ll keep it on ice. I like it. But you might be sorry. You know how many people stop by here and leave comments. You might need to answer all the questions in a series of posts!
May 6th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Why be hung up about using a urinal? They have sides on them, it’s not like anything is visible. And if you do get a brief “flash” who cares?
One thing that bothers me are men who want to have a conversation while at the urinal. Keep moving, chief.
It’s like the irrational behavior of women when it comes to their under garments. 🙂 A woman exposed in her bra and panties is devastating but the same woman will walk around the beach with a swimming suit.
May 6th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Wait, did you really post at 4:46 AM?
May 6th, 2008 at 10:52 am
Nectar of the Dogs — Excellent point about the bathing suit. Same difference. Absolutely.
Yes, I posted a reply at 4:46AM. I’m a morning person.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:59 am
4:46 is not the morning! Hehehehehe
May 13th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
nectar of the dogs — Is 4:46AM a late night for you?
May 19th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
I never have to take reading material in.
Someone always leaves what THEY were reading folded neatly in the stall for the next guy!
Don’s last blog post..Finally, Fine Dining!
May 19th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Don — Ah, how thoughtful! Way to multi-task!
June 17th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
ann of the shampoo- wow im sorry for your husband
June 19th, 2008 at 4:21 am
brooke — I still crack up when I read Ann’s story. Stupendous! Marvelous! Cringe-inducing!
September 17th, 2008 at 12:48 am
This is my first visit to your blog, and I am just about to bookmark it.
I lost my ability to hold my fluids while laughing so hard. I wish I had a locking bathroom instead of wetting my undies.
Gotta go change now.
Nancy’s last blog post..Who is this man?
September 17th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Nancy — Welcome aboard! Glad you got a pee-worthy chuckle out of it. Coincidentally, the guy that this happened to had it happen again last week. This time, it was in the gym locker room. Poor guy. Rotten luck follows him everywhere.
September 20th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
yikes!! I’m a lock checker too. But I freak out cuz when i check the lock I’m always sure I just unlocked it accidentally and have to check it like thirty more times, trapped in that cycle. It ends up taking me way longer than necessary and them I’m certain everyone thinks I’ve taken up residence in there! ugh!
chatblanc’s last blog post..It wasn’t creepy enough?
September 20th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
chatblanc — I know the cycle well. I’m afraid somehow I’ve pressed the button wrong or too hard and then it’s unlocked again. That’s why I follow the “4 Times Rule.” You can never be too sure and too safe!