The Junk Drawer

Think where man’s glory most begins and ends. And say my glory was I had such friends. – William Butler Yeats

We lost Windy.

Our area suffered a freak autumn snowstorm the weekend of October 29. Because leaves were still on trees, snow clung to them and the weight took down many limbs, whole trees and power lines. Hundreds of thousands were without power for days.

I worried about Windy, but I still had hope.

And yet when I checked her tree on Tuesday, when all the leaves were down, she was nowhere to be found.

Not a speck. I looked. Believe me, I looked.

Her limb is still intact, though another one below snapped and had to be sawed off by maintenance. Here is how her tree looks now. After the storm, the tree splayed at the top and hasn’t bounced back. It may never.

When I think back to how our friendship with Windy began, I never imagined she would become so popular at The Junk Drawer.

For years, people would send me pictures of other “Windys’’ they spotted in their daily routines and I always got a kick out of that.

The birthday parties I held for her were great excuses to have cake, but they were also opportunities to tell Windy’s story to people who hadn’t heard it before. The looks I got in return were priceless.

And yes, a lot of people questioned my sanity. But a lot didn’t. Over the years, people would randomly ask me about her. It cracked me up to know she was on their minds and that they knew her enough to ask by name.

A celebrity in the making, she even got her 15 minutes of fame. Most people aren’t so lucky.

We all need a little fun in our lives, a little crazy. And Windy gave us that.

Windy had friends, all of us. We cared about her, checked on her, wondered how she was doin’ up there.

We wanted her to come down, to be safe with me.

We wanted her to live forever, but the fury of nature put an end to that.

I want to thank Windy for all she’s done for me, my blog and my readers.

She got us to “embrace the crazy” and see that even an ordinary, lifeless piece of plastic has the power to bring joy to others.

Think about that. Amazing, right?

So when you pour your favorite beverage today, toast to Windy, will ya? It’ll be our last little act of “collective insanity” and I think that would send Windy’s heart aflutter.

Wherever she is.

Length of time in tree: Six weeks

Approximate height in tree: 25 feet

Store of origin: PathMark

Yes, it’s in Windy’s tree.

No, I’m not happy about it.

Yes, I want to get it out.

No, I don’t know how.

Yes, it’s really twisted up on there.

No, you can’t knock it down with a rock.

Yes, I hate PathMark now.

No, you can’t name it.

Really, we’re not getting cozy with this thing. I might contact a guy in New York City who’s aware of the Windy saga.

He owns a company that makes and sells extension poles with a grappling hook on the end, made specifically to extract bags from trees.

Nevermind. I just checked the price of the poles and I can’t afford one.

I guess we’re getting cozy with this thing.

God help me.

Hi! It’s me, Windy!!!

Guess what?! Today is my birthday and I’m three whole years old!

I’m very excited because I heard that the nice lady who watches over me had a party with cake and balloons and everything!

Even though I wasn’t there, I know that everybody had fun and enjoyed delicious treats in my honor.

Lookie at my cake! Isn’t it pretty? Pink and purple are my favorite colors.

And lookie at my party. In a conference room. That’s how special I am. When Kathy made the room reservation, she said it was for a “reception” because I’m pretty sure the reservation lady would not understand “Birthday party for a bag.”

That’s OK if she doesn’t “get it.” YOU get it, right?

And better yet, Miss Kathy took two of my very best pictures and put them in frames so she can see me all the time in her office.

The second picture was taken of me a few months ago. A very nice man came over with a fancy schmancy camera to make sure he could get a detailed shot of me.

I admit I’m not much to look at now, but it upsets me a little when people say I’m gone.

GONE? Me? No!!! I’m still here!

See me up close??? I’m there!!!

If you didn’t get to go to my party, I insist you buy some cake today and celebrate, OK?

You don’t have to sing Happy Birthday first, but it would make me smile if you did.

I can hear you.

Who’s peekin’ out from over the tree tops?

Smilin’ at everybody she sees?

Who’s reaching out to capture a moment?

Everyone knows it’s Windy!

Hi there, Windy! It was a long summer and we missed you. What’s that, you say? Not feelin’ too good?

Oh, don’t worry. Everyone feels their age when they get older. You still look good to us!

It was a rough road getting half-decent pictures of our Windy yesterday. Three different cameras, two dozen stills, and five videos. Crouching down by the roof wall, I did my best to capture what’s left of her.

At one point, I wanted to contact a professional photographer on staff where I work, someone with better skills and a better camera, but I was stymied by the thought of how I would explain the picture I needed taken. Not everyone understands.

But you do. You all understand.

I’m not sure what the future holds. Her third birthday will come in April. There have been murmurings of having funeral services for Windy, but I can’t bear the thought.

I’d rather celebrate her longevity with another cake and a party than somber music and tears for her passing.

Let’s pretend she’ll live forever, OK?

…. and Windy has wings to fly

Above the clouds….. above the clouds!!!!

A co-worker of mine sneezes so violently I’m afraid his spleen may come flying out one of these days. And it startles me every time. I told him “Geez, dude. Ring a bell before you do that.” Was that rude of me? I think it was a little bit rude.

I went to a church bazaar at lunch with another co-worker this week. It was their last day, so they handed us grocery bags and said “Anything you can fit in this bag is one dollar.” So we loaded our bags with a lot of stuff and paid our dollar on the way out, thinking all the while “We really should pay more than a dollar. This doesn’t feel right.” When we left, the handle of my co-worker’s bag came off, the bag fell to the floor and broke her ceramic bundt pan. Clearly, Jesus would have wanted us to give more generously.

I went to my credit union to deposit a check. While signing paperwork at the table near the teller windows, I dropped a pile of deposit slips, the flip-calendar thingy and then my purse, and I hit my head on the corner of the table picking up all the dropped items. A clerk sitting at a nearby desk rolled her eyes at me. I’ll give you an eye roll, lady. To add insult to injury, the ink in the pen chained to the table ran out. Tuesday was not a good day for me.

Those who follow me on Facebook know now that my husband puts mayonnaise on everything. This week he put it on pizza. Commence vomiting.

The reporter from NPR who interviewed me on-air about Windy the Plastic Bag emailed me Monday to ask how she was doing up in her tree. That both cracked me up and warmed my heart. Incidentally, when all the leaves on Windy’s tree come down, I’ll post new pictures of her. What’s left, that is.

Someone in my blog audience got her first boyfriend and she stopped commenting here. I miss her. But her boyfriend adores her, as well he should, and so it’s all good. But still. Sniff. Pass me a tissue.

The student assistant who works in my office is 6’ 4” tall. It means that he can see over the partition to my cubicle. He’s caught me more than once doing something I shouldn’t by peering over it to ask a last minute question. So now whenever I’m shoveling, say, six miniature Halloween candy bars in my face, I have to make sure he’s really gone before I begin another session wherein I disgust myself for all I can eat in one sitting.

I know I made a co-worker green with envy when she watched me back my car into a parking space in one quick, perfect action. I’m an excellent back-in-parker-inner. Admit it. You’re jealous, too.

Hope you guys had a good week! Don’t forget to turn your clocks ahead on Sunday. Or is it back? Whatever. Just turn it whatever way you feel and hope for the best.

Welcome NPR listeners! Please click here to access all the posts about Windy, the plastic bag stuck in a tree since March, 2008. The posts appear in reverse chronological order.

To all my regular readers, big news! I had the honor and pleasure of being interviewed by Melissa Block of National Public Radio (NPR) for a segment on All Things Considered, which aired today.

Visit NPR’s website to read the story and hear the interview (available at approx. 7PM EST).

Who knew our little Windy would go national? If we can’t get her out, I’d say that’s not a bad consolation prize.

I want to thank everyone who’s followed and enjoyed Windy’s story. Getting on board with it helped make the saga something worthy of all this attention. I have the best readers in the blogosphere and no one can tell me otherwise.

Thank you! Thank you!

I think we can all agree that Monday is the crappiest day of the week.

Not today, peeps!

Our Windy celebrated her 2nd birthday today with cake and curious visitors. The only downside is that when some of them saw how ragged Windy looked in her picture, they sadly proclaimed “Awww, that’s too bad.”

See?

It didn’t help that I hadn’t planned very well for the party and couldn’t get helium balloons in time to pick up before work today. So she got the Lazy Person’s version of party decorations. Lame balloons inexplicably shaped like light bulbs and no streamers or party hats.

Hey, at least I remembered the candle.

After I filled my belleh with cake, I decided to jump on the Zazzle web site to see if my delicious custom-made bacon shoes were due to arrive soon. I’d been tracking shipment for days, knowing a package would land on my porch this week.

I give you, the most awesome shoes known to mankind.

A little too big for my feet, but maybe if I fry them, they’ll shrink up to my size.

Admit it. You’re jealous.

Tuesday will be the happiest day of the week for me, as I plan to wear these babies to work tomorrow.

How many people do you think will try to have me committed?

Probably as many as will want to cut off my feet and steal them.

Hee.

Every spring a honeydew melon shows up on the roof of the university building where I work. I do not understand what’s happening here, but I’m sure students are behind it.

Is it a prank, part of a scavenger hunt or some weird tradition they keep up for the sake of tradition?

Sometimes the melon disappears suddenly. Sometimes it rots until it’s black and stinks. Sometimes it’s placed off to the side. Sometimes, like this time, it’s right in the middle.

Always I ask “why?” but I will probably never learn the reason.

And that gives me a one way ticket to Crazytown. Why? Why is it there?

Incidentally, this is the roof from where I take Windy pictures. She turns two tomorrow (!!!!!) and there will be a cake on Monday. If you work with me, come on over to my office and we’ll celebrate!*

* Tours of the Melon-Windy roof run every hour. Admission is free.

What follows is the story of how our bag Windy got stuck in her tree. When I initially wrote it, I sent it to a writer’s workshop blog for publication. But because that blog is now defunct and my link to it doesn’t work, I thought I’d revive the story and publish it here on The Junk Drawer. This is her home anyway.

Note that this was well before we named her Windy. When I interviewed her, she was known simply as “Plastic Bag” and I refer to her as “it.” Sad, I know.

And now I give you ….

Caught Between a Branch and a Hard Place

The lone plastic bag you see pictured here has been stuck in this tree for nearly three weeks. Since it looks like it’ll be a while before it gets down, I thought I’d take a moment and see how it’s faring up there.

Plastic Bag: Awesome. I’ll wait. Until then, keeping watching for me. I just might set myself free. All I need is a wind and a prayer.

Our Windy is alone for the winter now. All the leaves have gone. No protection from the elements.

*sniff*

For those who’ve lost track of how long she’s been stuck in her tree, it’s 1 year, 8 months.

Is it too early to start planning her second birthday party? There will be cake again and I might rent a reception hall and hire a band. Too much?

For those who wandered into this blog and don’t know about the Windy saga, check out the Windy archive of posts.

Here’s a video of her I filmed this morning, marking yet another successful photo shoot wherein I do not fall off the roof of my building to my death. Yea for me!

As a lot of you know, there was some question about our beloved Windy’s survival over the summer. Over the last few weeks many of her tree’s leaves fell away and I knew it would be soon that we’d either see her or we wouldn’t. I’ve been bracing myself.

A few days ago a colleague at work came bouncing into the office to say she thought she saw a glimpse of her.

Today I got the evidence. She’s looking pretty tattered, but she is most definitely still there.

Let us bow our heads and give thanks.

Behold, Windy! A stripped down version of her former self, but no less loved! 

Windy, March 2008

I miss you Windy

When I look out on your tree

All I see are leaves.

If you are in there

Can you give us a sign that

You are still with us?

Many of your fans

Wonder how you are doing

I have shed a tear.

Only time will tell

Whether you are still stuck in

Your big leafy tree.

I can’t wait til fall

Then I will know whether you

Are with us or gone.

If you aren’t with us

We’ll always remember you

Our dearest Windy.

We have a winner! Blogless Donna was the first to guess that the What’s That Wednesday item was the stake of a landscape light. Donna’s been trying for some time to win a Junk Drawer magnet, so it’s my pleasure to send her one, along with a mystery prize: a box of bacon Band-aids!

I’d love to show you what the lights look like in my lawn, instead of on the floor with my cat, Shadow. But I never did figure out how to install them.

I remember when I bought them at Home Depot. A guy standing next to me said "Oh, those are really easy to put in" and I believed him. It didn’t take me long to discover they would be a pain to install and my husband never wanted them bad enough to do it for me. So they sit unused in our garage.

Anybody who lives near me want them? Email me if you do and I’ll be glad to part with them free of charge. There are 10 in the box.

Now, about that panic attack. I wanted to post a picture of Windy because she’s being swallowed up by new leaves on her tree. When I went out on the roof to take a picture, I COULDN’T FIND HER!

I always know right where to look in her tree. I just saw her a couple days ago and she was easy to spot. But when I couldn’t see her today I panicked and ran around to three other vantage points to see if I could get a better angle.

Nothing!

I went back to my office and a colleague of mine asked if I was all right. My sullen face said it all.

"I can’t find Windy!"

"Let’s go look."

We went to a couple spots: the steps, the third floor window, and then finally out on the roof again. We decided to zoom in with the camera as much as possible and see if we could spot her in the picture.

Here she is, limp and lifeless, and for the first time ever, I have to use an arrow to show you where she is. It rained today and I think that’s why she looks so bad.

Yes, I know it makes me insane to worry about a bag. But if you’ve been following her as closely as I have, you’d know what a loss it will be when she’s gone. Windy, don’t scare me like that!

As you know, Windy had a birthday yesterday, complete with cake and balloons. Someone who saw me walking into the building with obvious party items asked me "Whose birthday is it?"

I couldn’t bear the thought of responding "A plastic bag," so I said simply "Someone special." It wasn’t really a lie, was it?

I emailed colleagues from my building to let them know they should come to my office for the cake cutting at lunch time.

But then something strange happened.

I heard a rustling coming from the cake room. A plastic kind of rustling.

Somehow Windy’s friends must have intercepted the email.

That’s right! Our little Windy turns one year old on Wednesday and I’m celebrating the day with cake and a party.

It’s not every day I order cakes for non-human entities. The poor guy at the bakery didn’t know what to make of it when I handed him a picture of Windy to put on it.

We spent a lot of time discussing what color and decorations I wanted on the cake. I thought violet and green would accent her tree quite nicely.

When we finalized the order, he said "And you want this written on it?" He held up the note I gave him at the start of my insane order.

Him: "Happy Birthday…. um….."

Me: "Windy."

Him: "Riiiight."

He told me it would cost a little extra to put her picture on it.

I said, "That’s OK. She’s worth it!"

I skipped away to do a little grocery shopping and I’m pretty sure he waited until I turned a corner, then called security and told them "Crazy lady in Aisle 9. Keep an eye on her."

I’m taking the cake to work so I don’t eat it all myself. If you work with me, swing by my office Wednesday for a piece in honor of Windy. It’ll be the craziest thing you do for a long, long while.

I mean it, too. I thought I was ordering a quarter sheet cake, but when I picked it up, I realized I ordered a half sheet. Seriously. SHOW UP FOR CAKE!

And try to excuse that the baker put Windy’s picture on upside down. Poor Windy. Stuck for a year and now hanging by her toes.

“Happy Birthday Windy, Sorry you’re still stuck!”

Seriously. We’re gonna do this now?

We had wind gusts over 60mph today. Three more bags joined Windy and New Guy (look on the left for the brown bag that’s a bit hard to see).

I’m out of my mind at this point. I never thought we’d have more than Windy to look at. I cannot bear to watch five bags hanging onto branches for months to come.

As for the poll to name the new bag, I hope you won’t be too mad if forego the poll and pick a favorite right now. Ben Barden knocked it out of the park with "Gusty." I think a lot of you liked that name, too.

Thank you for all your fun suggestions. I especially liked that many of you were happy for Windy because she got a date for Valentine’s Day. Now she has a posse.

As for naming the others, let’s just call them "The Others," mmm-k?

How weird would it be if I called our Facilities Services department and asked them to get the four they can reach out of the trees, leaving only Windy behind? Do you dare me?

I’m still in shock. Another bag flew up into a tree at my building.

All fresh and new and STUCK.

So which one of you put it there? I know you’re all trying to make me insane. You know this means war.

At least our Windy has a friend now. FOREVER.

I’m serious. If I find out one of you put it there, I’ll hunt you down and make you climb up and get it out. And I don’t care if you break all your bones when you fall out.

You know what this means now? New bag needs a name. Drop your suggestion in the drawer and I’ll run a poll after I’ve picked a bunch that I like.

I wouldn’t have believed this if I didn’t see it with my own two eyes. Windy got a mate.

Today marks the 300th day that our bag Windy has been stuck in the tree outside my building at work. I’ll have you know I braved single-digit temperatures and an intense fear of heights to get this shot.

No one is surprised anymore to see me out on the roof. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

Enjoy!

I’m happy to announce the winner of this week’s What’s That? Wednesday contest. New reader, ethanator1088 of PWNED Video, was the first to guess correctly that it’s the strike plate of a stapler. Congratulations! As the prize winner, you have your choice of 500 Entrecard credits or a Junk Drawer magnet. I’ll contact you shortly.

Because Shieldmaiden96 of Dispatches from the Northern Outpost guessed further that it was the Swingline model 545, she can have a magnet, too. I’m equally scared and impressed that she knew that.

Now, I decided to close the contest a little early because of the flood of stapler guesses. So what you’re all saying is that these are too easy, right? I’ll have you know that the photos are reviewed by my husband and, this time, my sister and niece, who said "Oh, that’s too hard." Clearly not.

Since you guys are so smart, the next one will be impossible to guess. Do you hear me? IMPOSSIBLE!

Today’s post also includes an update on our Windy, stuck in the tree for 228 days now. I took this video out on the roof of my building.

If you watch carefully at the end, you can see that Windy was a little embarrassed by being a Walmart bag, knowing how much most of us hate them, and she covered up her name. It’s OK, Windy. We forgive you.

 

It’s been almost two months since my last plastic bag update. For those new to this blog, I’ve been monitoring the status of a plastic bag that got stuck in a tree outside my building at work. It’s been hanging on for 167 days.

Incidentally, a few people have asked me if it has a name. I’m partial to Windy, which was the name suggested by longtime reader, Alan Bamboo.

The bag hasn’t moved from its original spot, but take a closer look now. Notice the split down the right hand side through the "T" in Wal-mart?

We’re expecting hard rains this weekend, so maybe it’ll cause the split to continue and at least pull down the right handle from one of the two branches it’s stuck on.

Thank you, Rich T., for helping me move a gigantic piece of furniture away from the window to the roof so I could get outside for up-close pictures.

To the woman who saw me walking back into the building from the roof, don’t worry, I wasn’t going to jump. Although I might have if my work week had gotten any worse than it had. TGIF and all that.

Have a good weekend, everybody!

Greetings from Bag Land! Some of you have been wondering how our beloved plastic bag is doing stuck in the tree outside my building. Here you go!

There has been little movement since it first landed there 111 days ago. I do check on it every day, despite having moved to a new office in my building. I’m only one floor away from my old office, so don’t worry, I can still see it whenever I’m curious.

About a month ago, I had two opportunities to try and get the bag out. Once when window washers were cleaning windows, using a vehicle that had an expandable ladder that might have reached the bag. Then later, some workmen were putting up outdoor tents for an event. The machine they used would have easily reached the top of this tree.

I declined to ask the men for assistance for three reasons: 1) I didn’t want to be known as the crazy lady who cares about a stupid bag, 2) They had more important work to do, and 3) A couple people whose opinions I sought said I should let the bag come out naturally, especially since there is a contest involved.

New readers may want to catch up on the bag story. This is where it made its first appearance. Here’s the story about how the bag got there. And this post was an update that includes video.

Among those who entered my little contest, 14 of you are still in the running. However, many guessed dates this summer, so your chances of winning are growing slimmer and slimmer.

Let me ask everyone now: If I get another opportunity to get the bag out, should I take it?

Like this post? Toss me a vote for the funniest blog at Humor-Blogs.com!

For those following the Plastic Bag Adventure, I thought I’d update you with a picture today. I want you to know I’ll do anything for you guys.

I stood on the roof of my building to get a closer shot. Yes, there is a wall that kept me from falling to my death, but that didn’t make me feel any safer up there. I stopped taking pictures when my legs got weak.

Wal-mart Bag: Stuck 47 days and counting

I went a step further and filmed it flapping in the wind. It’s a breezy day here in Eastern Pennsylvania, but that doesn’t seem to be helping our little friend get out of its branchy clutches.

Some of you are out of the running for the contest. I’m sorry, but I warned you it would be a while. I’m still guessing November, 2009, and it wouldn’t surprise me if it took longer than that. Good luck to whoever’s still in the game!

As you all know, lots of stuff bothers me. What’s killing me now? This bag.

It got caught in a tree outside my office almost three weeks ago. I can’t help but notice it every time I pass a window that faces it. When I point it out to others, expecting shock horror, I just get “Yeah? It’s a bag in a tree.”

OK, so I’ll admit that I’m the only one in my building who’s bothered by this. I’m going to be seeing it for days, weeks and months to come, so we might as well have some fun with it.  I’ve decided to turn this into a little contest.

If you can guess closest to the day the bag escapes its branchy prison, you’ll win a prize! Simply leave the date in the comments box. You must give an exact date (month, day and year — yes, year, because it could be that long). The prize will be a set of magnets or mousepad with the Junk Drawer logo on it (your choice).

p.s. To my sister, Ann of the Shampoo Bag, the bag is from your favoritist store in the whole wide world! Another reason to hate “The Big W.”

Addendum, 4/18: If you’re interested in knowing how the bag got here, check out the back story over here. Just a warning — it’s heartbreaking.