My friend Jason showed me a ridiculous item in a cheapo catalog he got in the mail a couple weeks ago. It illustrates just how fat our country has gotten.

I give you The Easy-Fit Waistband Stretcher


From the Heartland America website,

If you’ve added on some winter weight, your favorite pants have shrunk after washing, or you’ve had a temporary weight gain, don’t go out and buy new clothes. Easy-fit waistband stretcher to the rescue! Gently widen your snug jeans, skirts and shorts by putting the device inside the waistband and adjusting until you find the most comfortable size. Works on waist sizes 21-50. 1-year limited warranty.


Don’t go out and buy new clothes?!?!? What? That’s too humiliating? It’s any better to stick this stretching machinery into your jeans, thinking they’ll fit properly? I imagine when you’re done using this device, your pants will be the perfect size and shape to fit Homer Simpson. Not a flattering look.

Oh, and if this works on "waist sizes 21-50," you have bigger problems. You do NOT need to make your pants larger. You need to make your gut smaller.

I haven’t heard of such an idiotic device since the FloBee. You know, the vacuum cleaner that happens to also cut hair. I’d like to say I can’t believe there’s a market for pants stretchers, but I absolutely can believe it. Our country would rather jam our sausage bodies into too-tight pants than get on a treadmill every once in a while.

If nothing else, this discovery makes me more motivated to get out and exercise. I may not get down to my "skinny jeans" weight again, but you can be sure I won’t be ruining any of my clothes to make them fit. Homer Pants aren’t a good look for me.

Stumble it!