Dear Poopy Head Truck Driver
Stuff I hate, Travel, work December 1st, 2007I know you didn’t mean it when you had an accident on the bridge I cross to get to work. But I just have to tell you what you were responsible for this morning.
1. You made me 45 minutes late for work.
2. You made about 2,500 other people 45 minutes late for work. That means the world lost 1,875 man hours of work, about a year’s worth of a typical job.
3. You forced me to look death in the eye and try crazy stunts to shoot off the last exit before the bridge in an effort to get away from the traffic jam.
4. You made it so that 1,000 other drivers tried the same thing and caused us to get in a second traffic jam on side roads.
5. You made my office have to make a pot of Disney Mickey Mouse coffee that’s been in the refrigerator for about a year, since I had the supply of new coffee in my car.
6. You caused all the people who could finally get moving again to gun the accelerator and violate every driving rule known to man, trying to make up lost time.
7. You made me hate the innocent cyclist who I saw whiz by me at one point, getting to his destination on time.
8. You made a thousand people, who just finished their morning coffee, wish for a Port-o-Potty on the side of the road.
I hope you totaled your truck, don’t have insurance and have to take a bus to work for a month. I hope you were cited and fined for your incompetence. I hope everyone flipped you off when they made it past your stupid accident. You should be lucky they didn’t kill you. I know I wanted to.
P.S. Poopy Head isn’t what I was calling you that whole time, but this is a G-rated blog, so that’ll have to do.
Stumble it!
December 1st, 2007 at 1:13 am
Kathy, I can’t be certain, but it almost sounds like you had a bad morning. At least it was Friday and you have the weekend to put all of that behind you.
December 1st, 2007 at 1:22 am
Isn’t preventing an entire office from obtaining a fresh supply of coffee a federal crime?
This guy should be tarred and feathered. Twice.
December 1st, 2007 at 3:44 am
Mickey Mouse coffee???
Really???
If I had a morning like that, I might have been tempted to go home and say “Forget it”.
But this a g-rated blog so I won’t tell you what I really would have said to myself.
December 1st, 2007 at 5:43 am
Hey that trucker was me 🙁
How could you wish such horrible things on me????
Ha!! What do you reckon the real chance of that poor trucker reading your post would be?
I hope you feel better now.
December 1st, 2007 at 6:24 am
I am the Mom of a truck driver, and for you to be so mad at someone without knowing the facts of the accident has me worried.
So you got to work late, did you spend that extra time praying that no one was hurt in the accident, did you thank God that it wasn’t your son or daughter that was driving that truck, NOOOOO, you just let such a small thing become a BIG thing. How about if you left a little earlier for work, got the coffee before your office ran out completely, and peed before you got in your car to drive to work.
Just remember — if you bought it, a trucker brought it.
Hoep your weekend is better than your day.
December 1st, 2007 at 11:05 am
@ Lee — Funny. Yeah, me and everyone else who got stuck in that. It’s a shame how no one seems to know how to clear an accident in a timely fashion. There’s a hospital just over the bridge and it makes it near impossible for ambulances to get there when this kind of thing happens.
@ Kev — I know how you loves your coffee. This should teach you to have a contingency plan if you’re not the one responsible for the supply. This, too, could happen to you.
@ Margaret — Yep, Disney Mickey Mouse coffee. Hazelnut. Someone who went there brought me back a pound of it and there was some left that’s been in the fridge forever. We’ll drink anything if it says “coffee” on the can.
@ Forest Parks — I reckon zero chance. But I’d be prepared to respond. To wit….
@ Carol — I believe you’re new here. I complain about everything and this post is typical of my approach. Those familiar with my style understand that I take my complaints to the nth degree for a certain effect. I would never wish pain and suffering on another human being, not the least of which are people who need to be out on road as part of their jobs. Eventually getting over the river on a different bridge, I could see people were getting by past the scene of the accident, albeit very slowly. I’m certain this wouldn’t be the case if there were anything more than a disabled vehicle in the way. Otherwise, there would be no movement at all.
For the record, radio stations reported nothing more than a truck blocking traffic on the bridge, and there are no police reports in today’s paper indicating anything serious happened as a result.
Thank you for commenting.
December 1st, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Ha! Mickey Mouse…
December 1st, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Oh, boy, I can relate. It may not make sense to blame the poopy head truck driver, but in these situations, you have to let loose on someone. Especially if they’re responsible for making you drink Mickey Mouse coffee.
I feel for you.
December 1st, 2007 at 3:36 pm
The nerve of some people!
You should rig your car with one of those loud-speaker contraptions, so the next time this happens you could broadcast repeatedly at top volume, “Injuries and crumpled metal are no excuse! GET OUT OF MY WAY!”
Then, no one would have to drink Mickey Mouse coffee and you and the people around you wouldn’t be late to work.
Clearly, this whole incident was your fault. You just didn’t have your car properly outfitted. 😉
December 1st, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Don’t ever pass through Phoenix, Arizona……it appears that all the Poopy Head Truck Drivers retire here. This is the norm, not the exception in Arizona.
December 1st, 2007 at 4:31 pm
While I understand the frustration involved, and have been there, I’m quite sure the driver really doesn’t deserve to have his whole life ruined. If my husband got in accident on the way to work it would do a heck of a lot more damage to our family than it would to anyone he might make late for work. 😛
December 1st, 2007 at 4:52 pm
The cause of the accident was most likely some one in a car that cut him off. I drive truck myself, and have seen other mortorists do some pretty stupid things around trucks.
December 1st, 2007 at 5:26 pm
@ Everyone — Before I respond to the most recent commenters, I have one regret I’d like to express. I have no right to blame the truck driver for the jam. I do not have proof that he or she caused the mess. I absolutely DO have the right to blame whoever caused the truck to become disabled. Maybe it was the truck driver, maybe not. Most road accidents are not acts of God, they’re acts of people. Someone is to blame. I also would like to state for the record that I didn’t actually want to kill the truck driver. I can’t believe I have to clarify that.
Final thought — Let’s all be careful out there. Especially during the busy holiday season. You’re driving a two ton machine. Eyes on the road and turn the cell phones off, please.
@ Marie — There is a hospital right off the bridge. I’m curious how you’d feel if you or someone you loved was in an ambulance that couldn’t get across the bridge to the hospital in time, all because someone who wasn’t paying attention caused an accident that made it impossible for it to get there. Also, would you care to elaborate on the “have his whole life ruined” part of your comment? Are you suggesting I ruined his life for expressing my frustration? Not sure I get your meaning.
@ Terry — Mickey coffee is really good. Year-old Mickey coffee? Not so much.
@ JD — Thank you for “getting” this post in the spirit in which it was written — a rant on careless drivers. Nothing more.
@ Carla — Oooh! You have some interesting ideas there. Yes, it was my fault!
@Lotus07 — Yes, but at least you have wide open roads for them to drive on!
@ Anonymous — You may be right. As stated above, the truck driver may not have caused the accident. Frankly, I let trucks do whatever they want 🙂 They’re much bigger than me!
December 1st, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Kathy- I don’t want to go into too many details, but my family is really struggling right now… if my husband got in an accident, even a minor one, whether his fault or someone else’s, we would end up homeless and worse. That’s what I mean by having lives ruined. It’s true that someone must have been at fault, someone always is, but fault doesn’t necessitate intention.
Now what would really upset me is if there was something deliberate going on, like a protest or a parade. I used to live and work in a resort town and often had to negotiate around tourists and events. It would make me really angry… imagine an ambulance trying to reach an injured person in the middle of a Gay Pride parade!
December 1st, 2007 at 6:35 pm
@ Everyone – THIS WAS A SARCASTIC POST MEANT FOR LAUGHTER!
How many times have each one of you negative commenters laughed at something in a film that could be deemed “wrong to say” or “dark humored”. I guarantee that at least some of you have laughed at something Six Feet Under, have wished death on your boss and probably applauded the American and British actions during WWII (without even passing a thought to the inncoent Germans civilians that died!).
Ok…. I am going a little far, but I hope you get the point.
Kathy was just making a funny ranting post… and just for the record, it was hilarious, I laughed my ass off and instantly became a reader and subscriber.
I suggest you take it with the tiny bit of salt that it was intended or f**k off and read another blog. You are here by choice!
Wow, never really ranted like that on anyone else’s blog, phew it feels refreshing.
Kathy, keep up the hilarious posts.
December 1st, 2007 at 6:44 pm
@ Marie — Your points are well-taken. I think you know by now I would never wish a tragedy upon anyone.
@ Forest Parks — I love you. Thank you for expressing what I’ve been nervous to express. This post had all intentions of being a funny rant, and somehow veered way off. Thanks for visiting, subscribing and ranting. It’s what the Junk Drawer is all about. You’re welcome to do it any time!
December 1st, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Forest beat me to it, but I have to say, people need to lighten up. Anyone who read your post and in any way took it seriously needs to get a life. On my worst day I would have been able to see the humor in what you wrote.
I for one need a good rant every once in a while just to maintain what little sanity I have. Keep up what you’ve been doing, Kathy. I’m not alone when I say we love your rants and can use the pressure relief.
December 1st, 2007 at 9:14 pm
mmmm the young lady has stirred the pot a bit…with a rant..which we all have now and again..with 3 million plus miles as a trucker in 30 plus years on the road..I have had a rant or three about stupid car drivers as well…so it’s all good…:):)
December 1st, 2007 at 10:00 pm
Ooh! Controversy in The Junk Drawer!
I guess this proves we all have hot-button issues that make us react certain ways, even to something that is obviously meant to be funny and not taken seriously.
I have to believe most of us have had these same thoughts toward a truck driver or other obstacle to our day; Kathy’s just putting those thoughts into a funny, relatable post for everyone to enjoy. If you don’t relate to it, fine, but take it in the spirit in which it is intended.
Anyone who can’t see the humor is…
…a Poopy Head!!!
December 1st, 2007 at 11:34 pm
Okay… I’m not a driver, I’m not old enough… But, the reason I don’t like holidays is traffic… And people who think they can take up 5 spaces in a parking lot.
December 1st, 2007 at 11:57 pm
@ Lee — Thank you for saying that and “getting it.” I’m glad you find my rants helpful 🙂 If we didn’t get to rant, where would we be?
@ Nascar and CC — God bless you if you have driven that many miles and dealt with 3 million bad drivers. Oh, wait. That was 3 million MILES.
@ JD — What can I say? You totally get this. Thanks for spelling it out so well.
@ Regan — How could you possibly want to drive NOW, after reading all this! I feel for you. I really do. You have so many driving years ahead….
December 2nd, 2007 at 7:20 am
Hi Kathy,
I feel your anguish. I think it was Mr. Poopy Head’s brother who was jack-knifed on the Long Island Expressway the other morning and held me up. Ohh, If only I was allowed to drive an M1 Tank! Have a terrific weekend. -Mike.
PS I heard Disney’s Mickey Mouse Coffee has a shelf life of thirty years. Though, you might get a bit Goofy if you drink it after too long. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist that one.)
December 2nd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
@ Mike — Too funny. Mickey Coffee — no matter what its age — tastes better because it’s got Mickey on the can. Even better if I drink it out of my big Tigger mug! Gotta love Disney. It’s a big, fake, happy world and that’s just fine by me. I really need to get back. If nothing else, we need more coffee.
December 2nd, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Kathy, I think it was insensitive of you to make complain about the coffee. There are people in less fortunate offices all over the world who dream of having a cup of (only) 1 year-old Disney Mickey Mouse coffee. I’ve even heard tales of some poor working-class office personnel who are forced to drink Sanka – and they are thankful for it! You should be ashamed of yourself.
December 2nd, 2007 at 5:41 pm
@ Jeff — There I go, gettin’ on my high horse again. You know, I think all coffee is the pretty much the same thing, differing only by small degrees. Except for Sanka. We don’t know what that is.
December 2nd, 2007 at 6:47 pm
Where the hell am I?? How did I end up on this blog?? I was looking for the Home Depot but had to make an unplanned detour because of some poopy headed truck driver!!
How do I get to the Home Depot from here??
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:17 pm
@ Dan — You kill me. Well I’m just thrilled you had to make the detour. Now – hmmm, how to get to Home Depot. I totally can’t help you with that. Don’t you know I’m directionally-challenged in the worst way?
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Hi Kathy,
I just read your article and laughed even harder at the comments. Glad so many stood up for you to explain to the serious commenters that you were using sarcasm. Forest is my hero.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:18 pm
@ Marlene — I’m glad you got a kick out of the comments. Evidently, if there hadn’t been the little controversy, the only comments you would have read would have involved 1) the fact that there is Mickey Mouse coffee, and 2) that a whole lot of people don’t object to drinking it, even if it’s a year old.
Thanks for dropping by!
December 4th, 2007 at 2:58 am
Apparently the Poopy Head Truck Driver has some esteemed company. See Poopy, behind that velvet rope mingling with Religion and Politics?
I had no idea.
Now, onto the actual divisive issue… I‘d like some Mickey Mouse tea. Earl Grey.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:49 am
@ Amy — I see some Earl Grey in your Christmas future.
December 8th, 2007 at 2:38 pm
The Poopy Head Truck Driver was probably cut off by a car (Four Wheeler) that was too busy to pay attention to traffic as she was on the phone discussing the document stretched across her steering wheel. She just had to get in front of the truck even though she just glances out the windshield every now and then as an after-thought. The trucker probably swerved to keep from setting his 80,000 rig on top of the preoccupied driver’s 3800 pound death trap. Now the trucker sits there stretched across the highway blocking all lanes as the lady on the phone jets off to the office completely oblivious to the havoc she’s left behind.
The good news, a tragic fatal accident was avoided and at the end of the day everyone can go home to their families, except the trucker because he still has several days left on his run.
The bad news, a thousand people were inconvenienced and left behind to just guess what happened up ahead. The driver stands there explaining everything to the police officer as he’s glared at by everyone the squeezes by on the shoulder. He wishes the five cars that witnessed what actually happened would have stopped but they didn’t want to be late for work.
Now the driver that was working on his second million mile safe driving award can still feel good about not killing some little child’s mommy.
Either that or the Poopy Head Truck Driver was starring at the nice legs in the car to his left as he crashed into the car in front of him lol Yes, I may be a little biased because I was that truck driver for over twenty years but that didn’t keep me from enjoying the post and comments. Nice blog Kathy, thanks for letting me be the devil’s advocate.
Brian Hawkins
December 9th, 2007 at 2:04 am
Hi, Brian. Thanks for your take on things. And yes, I’m sure it was that woman on her cell phone! Really, I never meant for anyone to think I wanted to seriously harm the driver. I’m sure you know that! But I feel the need to say it again, because this post got Stumbled and someone called me a “selfish bitch” when they reviewed me. Whew! I really regret writing this post 🙁 Apparently I haven’t gotten down sarcasm yet.
Thanks for dropping by! Loved your comment!
December 9th, 2007 at 3:26 am
“7. You made me hate the innocent cyclist who I saw whiz by me at one point, getting to his destination on time.”
That could have been me had I not gotten another car. But, it was a 45 minute ride, mostly uphill.
Thanks for writing this post, Kathy! I’ve seen so much that’s similar (and its usually cause by someone in front who is oblivious) and I’ve wanted to smack the responsible party.
I think that Carla has it, though.
December 9th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
Mr. Corey — As I sat there watching him pedal away, I pondered whether I could even muster riding a bike one block, much less 10 miles to work. I thought “Nah,” and realized the biker deserves to get where he was going faster 🙂
December 20th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
What the hell is wrong with you?
I’m going to put it like this. A few years back there was a similar situation on a local highway. Everybody showed up to work late because of a “stupid accident.” That stupid accident ending up killing my old neighbor whose Jeep flipped over.
No matter how much you may be inconvenienced, the world does not revolve around you. The next time you see an accident, say “Gee, I hope no one was hurt” and say your prayers that you didn’t leave your house 5 minutes earlier that it might have been you.
I look at the world in a different light. Someone cuts me off and sure, I get mad, but then i tell myself that maybe his wife is in labor and he’s rushing to the hospital….
Anyway – I had enjoyed your blogs to this point. Something so insensitive leaves me no choice but to unsubscribe.
Whether or not this post was meant to be sarcastic, I think it was in entirely poor taste.
Be well & think good of others.
December 20th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Stephanie — I believe what may be wrong with me is that I thought I could write a post that would not be taken literally and seriously. Win some, lose some.
December 20th, 2007 at 7:41 pm
Was that you I cut off?
December 20th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Stephanie: Did you read any of Kathy’s previous responses to other comments?
“I complain about everything and this post is typical of my approach. Those familiar with my style understand that I take my complaints to the nth degree for a certain effect. I would never wish pain and suffering on another human being.”
“I have no right to blame the truck driver for the jam. I do not have proof that he or she caused the mess. I absolutely DO have the right to blame whoever caused the truck to become disabled. Maybe it was the truck driver, maybe not. Most road accidents are not acts of God, they’re acts of people. Someone is to blame. I also would like to state for the record that I didn’t actually want to kill the truck driver. I can’t believe I have to clarify that.”
Like Kathy, I can’t believe anyone should have to clarify that this is an obviously sarcastic, humorous article–detailing a situation that many of us (as evidenced by other commenters) have been through and can relate to without thinking that the writer is an evil person who wishes ill upon others. It’s ridiculous to think someone can’t complain good-naturedly about something like this without people actually believing that she means it!
I know Kathy pretty well, and despite her often sarcastic exterior, she’s a kind, thoughtful, sensitive person. I’d like to believe that most of us do think the best of everyone and wished everyone well. But we’re also human, and sometimes we need to vent. It’s forums like The Junk Drawer that allow a lot of us to deal with frustrations in a healthy and humorous way.
I’m sorry you feel the need to unsubscribe. You’re missing out on a great writer and a great person.
JD’s last blog post..I Had Surger . . . a Procedure so you don’t have to
December 20th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
JD – yes, I did read all of her responses and I still felt the need to respond. I personally find no humor made at someone else’s misfortune. I have been reading her blog for a while, and I think she is a good, funny writer, but she usually pokes fun at her own expense.
A blog such as this can easily be misinterpreted and I just found it to be in extremely bad taste. To many people get caught up with what they feel to be “inconveniences” in their own lives, to really see the big picture.
I was actually ok with it until I got to the part
“I hope you totaled your truck, don’t have insurance and have to take a bus to work for a month. I hope you were cited and fined for your incompetence. I hope everyone flipped you off when they made it past your stupid accident. You should be lucky they didn’t kill you. I know I wanted to.”
which made me feel that even if it was written in jest, she really was pissed off enough to fire off that last rant.
Never, EVER, wish bad things on other people, not even in jest.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Hi, Stephanie:
I absolutely respect your feelings and your opinion. You can no more help responding in the way you did than I can. We all have our own issues and experiences that inform how we react.
I agree that people can get caught up in their own lives, but…that’s kind of what Kathy’s blog is all about. She does her complaining with a wink and a smile–she knows she’s obsessing about silly things sometimes, and she realizes that some of the issues she writes about (like the Poopy-Head truck driver) definitely do have a big-picture aspect. But that’s not what she’s writing about. Is that being irresponsible? This is a humorous blog, not a newspaper article. I don’t see how Kathy is responsible for “covering all the bases” and acknowledging that, yes, the truck driver could have been injured, etc, etc, in what was so clearly a sarcastic account of her own personal experience and very real thoughts going through her head–thoughts so many of us have had in similar situations and love reading about because we’ve all been there.
The problem I see with criticizing this sort of writing (which you are well within your rights to do, of course) is that we’re drawing a line between when it’s OK be offended when someone doesn’t address the “big picture” and when it’s not. I’m not sure that’s a line that should be drawn, because then pretty soon we’ll all be writing about only happy, inoffensive things that can’t possibly upset anyone or cause any need for thought-provoking discussion or allow any of us to think about things in ways we might not otherwise have thought about them.
As a writer, I hope there will always be venues like The Junk Drawer to make us laugh, think, discuss, relate, empathize, and, yes, take offense. Good writing should do all those things and if it does, it can never be called irresponsible.
JD’s last blog post..I Had Surger . . . a Procedure so you don’t have to
April 3rd, 2008 at 4:17 am
so, in this g-rated blog, you can talk about killing a guy, but you can’t use language stronger than “poopy-head”. think about that one for a second, then promise me you’ll never have kids.
April 3rd, 2008 at 5:03 am
b-train — I wave my white flag. This post was a “miss” on sarcasm, since some didn’t understand it. Please read the comments already posted, if you haven’t already.
Yes, it’s a G-rated blog. You won’t find anything else like this here, so come back again if you want, but I don’t suspect you will.
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:45 am
“…then promise me you’ll never have kids.”
Wow, that’s uncalled for.
JD’s last blog post..I Am a WINNER so you don’t have to be
December 12th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Pretty sure you got in trouble here because you mentioned Mickey Mouse. That guy is totally a blogging jinx.
Jenny, Bloggess’s last blog post..Disney World is a lie
September 1st, 2009 at 3:33 pm
come on take it easy on the truck driver things happen every single day so move on