I’m Forgetful, I’m Stupid, and I’m Old
Stupid things I do December 13th, 2007In that order.
I’m Forgetful
Last week I thought I’d run to the grocery store, order a fresh-made pizza and pick up a few items while I waited. The woman who took my pizza order said “Sure. It’ll be ten minutes.” I left and did some shopping, came back ten minutes later, and found another employee just starting to make my pizza… S-L-O-W-L-Y.
Fully-loaded with groceries, I had nothing else to do but stand there and wait while the guy finally put my pie in the oven. I decided to bide my time by reading all the little recipe cards by the international cheese section. Did you know there are over a dozen types of brie cheese? But only two can be called “true Brie?” I moved about the cheese area and ventured over to the olive bar to stare at the ten types they had available, all swimming in their olivy juices. They all looked disgusting to me. I then made my way over to the sausage and questionable meats section. I wondered if anyone ever checks the expiration dates on these things. Is that really sausage? Does anyone ever buy this stuff?
Bored out of my mind, I went back to my pizza moving through the exposed oven on a conveyor belt and counted down the seconds until it made its way to the end. The guy finally put it in a box and handed it to me with outstretched hands. “Gimme, gimme, gimme already!”
I couldn’t have been more excited to get through checkout with my pizza and other items. When I got in my car and drove away I thought “Oh, this pizza’s gonna taste just gr….” Oh, wait. Where’s the pizza? I’m officially brain dead and now I have to park my car again, walk back up the the cashier and reclaim my pie. “Um. Hi. I forgot this,” I say. “Yeah, we were about to eat it, it smells so good.” I try to avoid eye-contact, as I’m sure the cashier and customers can’t believe anyone would forget they bought something the size of an end table.
I’m stupid
My husband Dave and I aren’t big drinkers, but he did just discover a great new beer he likes called Magic Hat 9 and he keeps a few in the fridge for an end of day treat.
The other day, Dave asked if I’d grab him one out of the fridge. I obliged and thought I’d be super nice and pop the cap for him. Because I don’t drink beer at all, I didn’t even know if we had a bottle opener in the house. Searching through the silverware drawer, I came upon the only thing I thought would work: a manual can opener.
I yelled to the other room “Can I open it with this can opener?” Dave said “Yeah, that’ll work.” What I did next made him wonder if he married the stupidest woman on the planet. He wondered why things were taking so long. I had a lot of trouble opening the bottle. See, that big hook on the bottom works. That little indentation at the top does not work at all, no matter how hard you try. Even if you work up a sweat.
I’m old
There’s only one piece of equipment that makes you look older than your age and that is an eyeglass chain you wear around your neck so you always have your glasses handy. I’ve known only one person in my life who did this and I thought she must have been 100 years old: Mrs. Weinhoffer, my sixth grade teacher. She was the quintessential schoolmarm, if ever there was one. Her eyeglass chain was silver and antique-looking. I have associated old with eyeglass chains ever since. Having avoided the old people eyeglass accessories display case at my pharmacy for months, I realized I had to break down and buy one today.
I’m so tired of taking my glasses on and off when I want to read the newspaper, and then put them back on when I want to see something on TV or anything more than six inches in front of my face. I don’t know how bad I’m going to look, but I do know I’ll look older than dirt. Up next, a scooter, a hearing aid and a box of Depends.
God help me.
Stumble it!
December 14th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
Reading about the can opener ordeal only made me say, “Oh my God !”
I think the nylon string for eyeglasses isn’t too old fashioned. Doesn’t Blog Bloke wear an eyeglass chain as well ?
Jaffer’s last blog post..Snow !
December 14th, 2007 at 7:59 pm
@ Jaffer — Well, I warned you I was stupid. Hey, so I just tried on my lovely new eyeglass chain and I have to say I look fetching. They’re gold and could almost pass as jewelry. Would I wear them out of the house? Probably not, but at least I can stand to look at myself in them. And, yeah, the Bloke does the whole chain look very well! Then again, guys look esteemed in them. Women, not so much.
December 14th, 2007 at 8:18 pm
I’ve done the exact same thing with a pizza. (And your new WP site looks great btw. Bravo!)
Alan’s last blog post..Spectacular Hotels
December 14th, 2007 at 8:24 pm
As for Pizza:
…”can’t believe anyone would forget they bought something the size of an end table.” Beautiful.
As for opening beer bottles:
My wife cut her hand using her belt buckle while trying the same. Now that’s love.
As for eyeglasses:
Some men fantasize about women wearing glasses (if you know what I mean), idiot strings and all!
Snap out of it!
Blog on!
BigNerd
December 14th, 2007 at 9:32 pm
Just wait till you have three different prescriptions and don’t want to wear trifocals. The muscles in my arms are getting bigger from all the exercise.
Tried the chain thing once but now with three different pair of glasses… you can just picture it can’t you.
janeywan’s last blog post..Santa was a bad boy.
December 14th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
“Mrs. Weinhoffer”?, you made that up…i’m not a big drinker of beer, but i thought they all have twist off
caps nowadays..must be the ‘Magic Hat 9’ brand..i guess it has no magic hat that does the twist… 😉
gt281’s last blog post..OH ICY DAYS
December 14th, 2007 at 10:51 pm
You’re forgetful
You’re stupid
You’re old
You’re damn funny!
December 15th, 2007 at 4:43 am
About the eyeglass chains… I was at a job once that required safety glasses in parts of the plant, so pretty much everybody had glasses on chains. The office ladies had theirs on fancy chains and they were part of their accessories….
http://www.snootyjewelry.com/egc-bc.htm
(that’s just one site I found)
Moonshadow’s last blog post..2007 Snow & Ice
December 15th, 2007 at 6:40 am
@ Alan — Oh, I’m glad I’m not the only one! I couldn’t believe I left it there, especially after having waited so long for it. You’d think I’d have remembered! D’oh!
@ Big Nerd — A belt buckle? Oh my, that IS love! As to the glasses, I’m happy they make them look nicer these days. My last pair (ten yrs. old!) were big and clunky. They make them so light and flexible now, I should have gotten a new pair sooner. Now with my jewelry chains, I’m looking fabulous!
@ Janeywan — So sorry about your multi-prescription glasses situation. I can see myself there someday. I’d get that Lasik surgery if to fix my near-sightedness, but I’m not sure I won’t have other vision issues down the road. And I’m not so sure I want a laser in my eyes. I know how technical equipment can break, and it’d be my luck that the machine malfunctions and fries my eyeballs.
@ gt281 — Swear to God, I didn’t make that name up. RIP, Mrs. Weinhoffer. She probably taught at my grade school for over 50 years. We think she came with the place. As for the beer, at least I know how to get the cap off now. There’s hope for me.
@ Jeff — If it weren’t funny, it would be sad.
@ Moonshadow — I laughed when I saw how many kinds of chains they make. Reminded me of looking at a million blog themes and being unable to choose. As for mine, they are gold and have little earth-tone beads. I’m stylin’!
December 15th, 2007 at 7:36 am
That’s what happens with those froo-froo, micro-brewery beers. Stick to Bud or Miller Lite with the twist off caps and you never silly.
Kathy, the site looks good. I actually like the colors in your header with the gradient. The only thing I wish my site had from your is the footer with the three widgets. I really like the way that looks. But, I think I’m done for now.
Lee’s last blog post..Pardon My Dust
December 15th, 2007 at 7:50 am
Lee — Yeah, I’m a “twist-off” kind of girl. Keep it simple!
Thanks about the site. What I liked about it was the two-column layout, much like my old Blogger theme. And while blues are soothing, I like the red and tans for their warmth. I do like the widget placement at the bottom. They’re unobtrusive, but very functional. I wanted to keep the top-most part of the blog as clean as possible. I think I’m done, too. I know there are other themes out there I haven’t seen (hard to believe), but I just don’t want to fuss with it anymore. I love what you’ve done to yours. Really creative use of a banner!
Kathy Frederick’s last blog post..I’m Forgetful, I’m Stupid, and I’m Old
December 15th, 2007 at 8:52 am
Great post…you are not in this boat alone…so can I use your glasses a minute? I should do some toons on our problems.
December 15th, 2007 at 9:08 am
Oh Kathy, can I relate! I have the eye glasses chain, if I don’t I’m doomed to a day of losing and finding my glasses. It’s hard to get used to even needing the things. I find myself in the store not being bale to read the labels so I carry a small set in my bag. Ugh. And the forgetting stuff…yeah wonderful. The Golden years, I am 48 and can certainly wait for that shining era.
To totally change the subject, would you consider a post on your WP migration, the good and the bad? A lot of us are considering going that route. The migration scares me. I have 2 years plus worth of posts.
windyridge’s last blog post..Ovine Yeti?
December 15th, 2007 at 5:49 pm
Windy: Migrating your previous posts is a snap. It’s deciding on a theme, picking a host, and all of that nonsense that can get to you.
Kathy would be a great one to write a guide on migrating from Blogger. If she’ll do it, I’ll contribute my observations to bolster her comments. :0)
Lee’s last blog post..Blessed by the Best
December 15th, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Haha, I’d probably do the same thing with the can opener. I have no idea how those things work half the time. =)
December 15th, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Just don’t get one of those magnifier glass necklaces, then you’ll really be in trouble.
Marie’s last blog post..I’ve had a sex change!
December 15th, 2007 at 8:54 pm
@ Robbay — I’m loving my new eyeglass chain. Needed it big time today while assembling a Christmas gift for my husband. I must’ve taken my glasses on and off fifty times between the instruction manual and doing the work. Yes, do some cartoons about aging. Sounds like a treasure trove of ideas!
@ Windyridge — I wear contact lenses to work, glasses on the weekends. But when I have to read something small wearing my contacts, I’m lost. I have to ask for someone else to read to me, or get a magnifying glass. Either way, it’s annoying and embarrassing.
@ Lee (and Windy) — Regarding posting about my WordPress migration, I don’t know if I have it in me. And I can’t promise it would make much sense. I don’t know that I can recall the sequence of events that should happen. Part of my problems were because things were done in the wrong order. If I wrote anything, it would probably scare people away from it, and could not be used as a tutorial. Let me mull it over.
@ Regan — For such a simple device, I sure had problems with it. But now I know which end to use!
@ Marie — I won’t count that out. I could use one of those. Don’t think I’m kidding.
Kathy Frederick’s last blog post..I’m Forgetful, I’m Stupid, and I’m Old
December 16th, 2007 at 1:42 am
I forget a lot of things but never Pizza…:):)
robert bourne’s last blog post..Thanksgiving is 700 Miles
December 16th, 2007 at 7:23 am
Can you get by with a monocle? Then you can look pretentious instead of old.
Cromely’s last blog post..Vacation Time
December 16th, 2007 at 9:12 am
@ Robert — Hard to believe I could forget something so big, especially after I’d waited so long for it!! That was really the whole reason I went to the store in the first place.
@ Cromely — I just pictured myself with a monocle. I look awesome.
December 16th, 2007 at 10:06 am
haha i can’t believe you forgot something that smelled so yummy 😛
i’d rather not comment about the can opener. 😛
hmm there was a time in my childhood (80s) when eyeglass chains became popular here. i even had a neon orange one.
cyberpunk’s last blog post..Runaway Things and Freaky Gadgets
December 16th, 2007 at 3:08 pm
Whew! I am glad that I am not the only one that forgets to pick up what they just bought at the store! I have done that so many times…pay for it, put my wallet back in my purse and just walk away. You’d think I’d question why I am not carrying anything out of the store. I sheepishly go back, unless a store employee is running after me: “Ma’am! Ma’am! Your forgot your bags!”
Jacki’s last blog post..It’s not over…’tll the firetrucks show up!
December 16th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Haha, as long as you’ve never tried opening the cap with your bare hands. Something which i regrettably did.. LOL! Was too lazy to look for the cap opener or maybe i didn’t even own one. I’ve also tried forcing cans open just because the can opener wouldn’t fit. The thing is, i put in the upright position when the can opener should have been put horizontally. Now, that’s what you call stupid. Haha!
I’ve been forgetting things quite alot lately too. And i’m not even suppose to be considered old yet!! I’m just gonna get worse as the years pass. Darn..
BYE!
usws’s last blog post..Spread the EnveLove!
December 16th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
That can opener looks just like one of my old ones in the junk drawer.You used to be able to open bottles on the latch on older car doors,done it many times.
steven wilson’s last blog post..Join The Revolution
December 16th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
Cyberpunk — I guess if the pizza wasn’t flat, I might have seen it better and remembered to pick it up. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just making excuses! And p.s., I think everything was neon in the 80s 🙂
Jacki — I hate it, too. It was embarrassing to go back. I had to squeeze behind the customer that was there when I left. It’s just such a public mistake. Ugh.
usws — OUCH! Can’t even think of the pain of trying to uncap a bottle with my bare hands. Although it sounds like something I would do, doesn’t it?
Steven — I think that opener must be twenty years old. I can’t imagine the grunge that must be stuck in the part that opens cans. Hmmm, maybe I need a new one. And maybe I should buy myself a simple bottle opener too 🙂
December 17th, 2007 at 12:35 am
The glasses thing drives me nuts too. I started having vision trouble when I turned 30 and now not quite 20 years later, I’m needing bifocals.
There is hope though. My Mom, who’s 74 just had cataract and vision correction surgery at the same time. Now she can see something clearly across the room without glasses for the first time since she was about 6.
Frank C’s last blog post..Using Images In Your Posts: Sources
December 17th, 2007 at 2:16 am
LOL @ the can opener….omg
Hey…I like your new layout…very snazzy…making me think about the change…
DrowseyMonkey’s last blog post..Go! Smell me at … Go! Smell the Flowers
December 17th, 2007 at 2:52 am
Oh that’s ok Kathy, don’t bother with it. I am glad you managed to get through the experience with your blog in one piece!
windyridge’s last blog post..Check This Out
December 17th, 2007 at 4:59 am
Hi! Hmmm..I think we have at least three things in common going on this story. I keep forgetting where I put my car-keys, I’m stupid enough not to be able to put up a fake Christmas tree and lastly I must be old considering I can’t see this screen properly without my new reading glasses.
Peter McCartney’s last blog post..I Am Me
December 17th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Frank C — I see bifocals in my future. And at some point I’ll probably stop wearing contacts, as they dry out my eyes by the end of the day. Good for your Mom! Glad she’s able to enjoy the freedom of no glasses!
Drowsey — Whenever I look at the can opener picture again, and think about what I was trying to do with it, I just shake my head. Glad you like the new theme. I’m still not in love with it, but it’ll do for now.
Windyridge — If you really want the gory details of my blog migration, contact me with your email address and I’ll send you the rundown that I wrote for another blogger considering the same move. Email me at kathyblog07(at)gmail(dot)com.
Peter — Welcome to the forgetful, stupid and old club. It’s good to have company!
Kathy Frederick’s last blog post..I’m Forgetful, I’m Stupid, and I’m Old
December 17th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
Loved the can opener pic with the helpful labels. I’ll print that and tape it to my fridge, for I, too, am stupid.
I’d love to make you a beaded glasses chain! Tell me what colors you like.
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I Enjoy Holiday Music so you don’t have to
December 17th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Every time I read your post title, I want to add on “…but gosh darn it, people like me!”
It’s true!
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I Enjoy Holiday Music so you don’t have to
December 17th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
JD — I stand a chance if I have pictures with instructions. Our pal Jeff at View From the Cloud recently wrote about installing bathroom fixtures from IKEA, where they don’t use words in their instruction manuals. Um, I kinda need the words.
Are you serious about the glasses chains?!?! Don’t tease me! I’m really into them now.
December 18th, 2007 at 7:15 am
That post was hilarious!
Paul Sunstone’s last blog post..An Honest Woman
December 18th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Was I married to you once before….you sound suspiciously like my ex-wife. (the bottle opener story is classic!)
December 18th, 2007 at 11:30 pm
@ Paul — Glad you liked it. There are plenty more stupid things I do, so be sure to come back!
@ lotus07 — Ah, but would your ex-wife admit her stupidity in public? I think I have her beat there.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:55 am
I am laughing so hard, it hurts. I needed a good laugh, so thanks for that. 🙂
Cat’s last blog post..She’s Alive!
December 19th, 2007 at 9:52 am
Cat — Glad to make it hurt! I aim to inflict pain from laughter. It’s a good thing.
December 20th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
You know what they say, “You’re only as old as the person you feel.” On an unrelated note, I don’t know if you are down with the whole meme thing – but I’ve tagged you with one on my site – participation is completely optional.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:03 am
Hey, Canucklehead! I had to read that twice. You know how slow I am. Funny, I’ve never heard that expression before. I’d say I’ll remember it for the future, but you know that won’t be happening. You know, the whole forgetful thing.
I may do this meme. It feels fun and I need that about now. Merry Christmas to you!
December 21st, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Hi Kathy,
I think as we all lead busy lives we tend to relax in situations where we should be thinking, even at the pizza parlor. There is no excuse for some of the bone-headed things I have done over the years. When my daughter was an infant, I took her out shopping for the very first time…alone. After purchasing about $100 worth of diapers, baby wipes, formula, Balmex, and the like, I wheeled my baby girl in the shopping cart with our shopping bags to our car. When she started to cry, I got nervous, strapped her into her car seat and sped home to change her diaper. At home, I changed her and promptly realized that I left the entire shopping cart full of stuff in the parking lot at K-Mart. I raced back there with my daughter and found everything untouched. My wife did not find out what I did until I joked about it years later…last year in fact. She still wanted to kill me for being so careless. BTW, our daughter is in Jr. High School. Have a very Merry Christmas! -Mike.
Mr. Grudge’s last blog post..From Dawn until Dancing
December 21st, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Mike — I love how you paint me a picture. I’m seeing a very lonely cart in the lot and you driving your screaming baby home. It’s very funny in my head. Love how you managed to keep that one to yourself for so long. Oh, and your “Dawn until Dancing” post is still with me today. The magic dust… Thinking of it gives me chills. What a GREAT story!
Merry Christmas to you!
April 16th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
your funny
April 16th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
kathy — I try 🙂
April 29th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Oh Kathy you make me laugh! I feel like I could’ve written this article from my own experiences (except for forgetting a pizza= that’s a new one for me). As for the contact lenses I’m surprised that they don’t help with your reading. What type of lenses are you using? Or do you just not wear them on the weekends because you want to give your eyes a break and rock out the old spectacle look? Keep up the funny posts this one was great!
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:58 am
Contact Lenses Aussiegal — Glad you liked the post! Trust me. I don’t know anyone else who would forget an entire pizza, and the whole reason I went to the store in the first place. My problem is I’m near-sighted, so the contacts don’t help me when reading up close. I actually need reading glasses overtop my contacts. And, yes, I don’t wear them on the weekends to give them a break.