A Mean Jeans-Shopping Machine
Stuff I hate August 10th, 2008Shopping for jeans is not for sissies. I spent one and a half hours yesterday trying on thirty pairs of jeans to find one that fit. Yes, thir-TEE!
If jeans shopping were an Olympic event, I’d have won a gold medal.
I beat everyone into the dressing rooms, was able to ignore a screaming child in the store for more than 30 minutes and scored an extra 15% off my purchases because I made a pouty face for not having a coupon. I also lost two pounds by the time I was done trying them on. I was a one-woman Dream Team.
Some facts about jeans shopping:
FACT 1. Jeans advertised as “instantly slimming” are not slimming if your legs are shaped like tree trunks. Nothing can be done about tree trunks. There is no magical pair of pants out there to turn hulking logs into toothpicks. Believe me, I looked.
FACT 2. There are more women over size 10 than under size 10 in the world. Please stack folded jeans top down from largest to smallest, instead of the other way around, so I don’t have to crawl around on the floor looking for my size. My size has a hard time standing up from a squat, sweaty, exhausted position.
FACT 3. Also not for my size? Low rise jeans. Normally, I prefer covering my entire crotch. Thanks.
FACT 4. Jeans are heavy when you’re carrying ten of them at a time. Please provide wheel barrows.
FACT 5. Five-way mirrors are cruel and unusual punishment. I wanted to cry at every angle. I prefer to think if I can’t see my ass, no one else can.
FACT 6. That is not me in the picture.
If you’re the type of woman who can grab a single-digit-sized pair of jeans from the rack and have them fit perfectly, please refrain from telling me so. I might have to hurt you. And I could snap you like a twig.
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November 15th, 2009 at 4:48 am
LOL, you are so funny! I say just pick a pair, buy it and walk outta that store. Skinny jeans are the best ever!!!!
.-= Burberry Luxury Watches ´s last blog ..Antarctic Sports Chronograph Mens Watch [BURBERRY BU7662] – $527.00 =-.
January 14th, 2010 at 1:59 pm
Yeah, The last thing we generously proportioned women need is to be squatting and sweating more than is necessary.
February 4th, 2010 at 9:35 am
OMG that sounds exactly like me! I usually spend hours when I go shopping for jeans as well. Say, do you watch Oprah? Did you watch the one in which they showed how to pick up a perfect pair of jeans? It sounded quite simple in that show but its sooo not *sigh*
April 20th, 2010 at 4:33 am
I feel your pain, but I did laugh!! I also believe that mirrors are EVIL and pretend all the time that no one else can see my ass (although really? how could they miss it? I’m not urban camouflage)
June 15th, 2010 at 10:57 am
Lol thirty pairs (: haha I try on a few and pick one