Good ‘n Plenty
Stupid things I do February 23rd, 2009I have a bone to pick with the people who write up instructions you’re supposed to follow before having a medical test. What’s that bone?
Be more specific than you think you need to be.
A few years ago I was scheduled for an ultrasound and was given a leaflet with instructions on what to do beforehand. The only real requirement was this:
Drink plenty of water.
OK. I can do plenty. Hmmm, but what’s plenty? Most normal people might call the office and ask how much is plenty, but not me. I prefer to wonder and guess and be stupid, and for that I almost drowned myself.
For two hours leading up to the test, I guzzled an entire gallon of water (3.8 liters). I did wonder if all that water could fit in my bladder, but I’m nothing if not compliant. I was always a good student. Do as I’m told. Don’t question the teacher. Drink.
And drink and drink and drink I did.
By the time I got to the doctor’s office, I was a little queasy. No problem. They’ll call me soon. They can get the test done and I can go empty out.
Um. No.
I waited five minutes, then ten. My eyes began to cross and tear up and the pain in my lower region was indescribable. My toes curled in agony.
I stopped fidgeting in my seat because fidgeting was likely to break the dam. I did not want to trigger the mighty Hoover.
At the fifteen minute mark, I started to see little green men. I’ve heard of water intoxication and I’m pretty sure this was the start of it. Mercifully, the nurse called my name and I mustered all my strength to stand and not empty my bladder on my shoes.
I immediately notified the nurse of my predicament and to my horror, she scolded me. Me! The good student who follows instructions!
She said "You shouldn’t have done that. You can’t have a full bladder for this test. You have to empty….."
and this is the part that made me want to scream if I didn’t think screaming would trigger a flood
"… only some of your bladder. We need it about half full."
Eep!
Do you know how hard it is to stop midstream when your bladder wants desperately to do what it does every other time? Emptying is what it does best. Stopping short of empty is not in the manual.
My confused bladder and I did our best to estimate half full. I apologized to my bladder numerous times and promised it that as soon as the test was over, we’d scurry back to finish the job.
Only half-satisfied, I waddled out to the exam room, had the test, found out it was fine and then off my bladder and I went to enjoy the other half of my cruelly-truncated ahhhhhh moment.
And so, as a Junk Drawer public service announcement, in the context of vague medical instructions plenty of water means a lot less than a gallon. You’re welcome.
Stumble it!
February 25th, 2009 at 3:30 am
Oh my goodness, I have had to do that and it is bloody difficult to stop mid-stream, especially when you are 10 years old! I never want to do that again!
(And no, it wasn’t for anything pregnancy-related 😛 )
February 25th, 2009 at 5:55 am
Here’s more than you ever want to know about exploding bladders. Apparently people are using the “I have a full bladder and that’s why I’m not wearing my seat belt in case I get in an accident” defense. The theory is that the seatbelt across the bladder in a crash would cause a full bladder to burst. Now that’s whacked!
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/441124-overview
Lola’s last blog post..Colonoscopy Sweepstakes – Yes, It’s For Real!
February 25th, 2009 at 7:08 am
So how do you tell when its half full?
I don’t really worry about the Drink Plenty instruction, I just make sure I have a few big glasses of water.
February 25th, 2009 at 7:28 am
What if your Super Power was the ability to tinkle at will?
What would they call that person?
The Tinkulator?
And in what situation would your power come in handy?
Wait, I’ve got it! Forest Fires?!
That’s my Brain Fart for today!
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February 25th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I have had so many ultrasounds, but the best, yet worst at the same time is when they catheterize you. They can control the amount and yes it is uncomfortable but you know you won’t pee yourself.
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February 25th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Kath, I dared not pull over. My wife, children, and two nieces were in the care with me. Come to think of it, I may have just redefined “willpower.”
Coffee??
February 25th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
OMG!!! I sat her laughing my head off! You poor thing! From one mom of many, many kids, and had many, many ultrasounds…WAY TOO FUNNY!!!
Michele’s last blog post..
February 25th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
HAHAHAHAHA…… I laughed and laughed and laughed.. I had to twitter this entry out to friends.. LOL
Well I used PING.FM which sends its out to everything I am on…. lol… Sorry if you get alot of traffic LOL for that
hahaha .. I got to add you to my google reader lmao!
— Christopher
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February 25th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
I had to stop reading twice to go pee and I didn’t even drink any water! Gosh I missed reading your blog. Hugs…
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February 25th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Too funny! That’s the kind of thing our Mom would do!!
Sniffie and the Florida Furkids
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February 26th, 2009 at 5:41 am
Jeff — It’s a gift. I don’t know. Were you a dog in another life? That’s my best guess.Thanks for sharing tmi. It’s always welcome here.
fragileheart — Mind over bladder.
HumorSmith — No kidding. I think it’s fine just the way it is. No offense to your sex, but I just don’t think it’d work very well on a number of levels.
Katie — It is hard! It goes counter to everything your body really wants to do. It’s like a magic trick if you can stop it.
Lola — Oh, Lola. Why’d ya do that? Now I’m scared my bladder could actually burst in an accident and I’ll die! Did you see there’s actually a medical term called “bladder confusion?” That’s not how mine was confused. Thanks for the link. Interesting stuff!
Grace — It’s half full when you still feel you have to go. At least that was my method. God, I have to go again.
Chris Casey — Don’t all guys have that super power already? I want something more unique! You’d need too many Tinkulators for a forest fire, I’m afraid. Oh, and you’d probably die in the process.
ettarose — I am lucky enough never to have had that done. It always freaks me out when I think about it. I’m gonna stop thinkin’ about it now, thank you.
BabaBooey — You are my hero. I’ll schedule our coffee klatch soon. Promise.
Michele — Glad you got a kick out of it. My pain is your gain.
Christophe — Thanks for sending this out into the twitter universe. I have seen extra traffic on this one. Glad you’re a new follower, too!
Preston — Good to see you back after your absence. I know you’ve been super busy. Aren’t you glad your re-entry was on this post? Er, maybe not!
Sniffie and the Florida Furkids — After reading all these comments, I feel like we’ve all been there at one time or another. I don’t feel so crazy anymore.
February 26th, 2009 at 10:06 am
My bladder is cringing in empathy. I had a similar experience: had to have a “full bladder” when going in for an ultrasound. How the hell do I know when my bladder is full? If I had an ultrasound machine at home to check to see if my bladder is full, I wouldn’t need to go in for this test! Anyway, the nurse kind of laughed when she started the ultrasound. “Wow, your bladder is about to burst.” Funny. Luckily I was able to empty it completely when she was done. Once those floodgates are loosed, there’s no stopping them.
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..Musing Does Things so I don’t have to
February 26th, 2009 at 11:44 am
I knew a guy who figured out how to stop peeing before he was done. It was some kind of Zen Master trick. But inevitably, when you learn stuff like that you forget other, more basic things. Like he forgot how not to mug people all the time.
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February 26th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Today I went for blood work. I drank a ton of water because I have wimpy veins. Nurse had to go in twice anyway and still may not have gotten enough. It took at least an hour (seemed like one) so I had to pee and I was about to faint because of fasting. Asked if I could pee in the cup as I rushed off to bathroom as soon as needle came out. Even if they said yes, it would have been too late.
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February 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I have a compliant for the management of this blog.
Every time I check in and see the title “Good n Plenty,” I think about the restaurants in Pa. Dutch Country, and I get hungry.
Please be more careful in the future when you title your posts.
TYVM.
Joe’s last blog post..MMMM, Chocolate Covered Boobs
February 26th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
You have my sympathies. I used to take “diuretics” because I retained water. Talk about not going (no pun intended) far from home.
nonamedufus’s last blog post..Frightening Prognosis
February 26th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
I had the same kind of experience. What I want to know is how are you supposed to know if your bladder is half full? It’s not like it has a gage like the gas tank on your car or somthing…
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February 26th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
JD at I Do Things — Bladder empathy. I’ll take it! Yeah, and it doesn’t help when they press down on the ultrasound thingy. Are they trying to make you pee right there? Geez.
Angry Max — What a guy! Yeah, it’s a little bit of zen and a lot of mental fortitude.
Margo M — Oh, poor thing! I have bad veins too. I stopped trying to give blood because I really wasn’t worth all the effort. The last time I tried, three different nurses tried to get a line going. I think I stunned them.
Joe — Oh, sorry dude. Where is this place? Now you’ve gone and made me good ‘n hungry. Ever been the Shady Maples? That place will kill you. A buffet-lover’s delight!
nonamedufus — Oh, man. Diuretics. Never needed them, thankfully. I don’t doubt you need to stick close to a bathroom. When you gotta go, you gotta go!
Condo Blues — Really. Plus my bladder felt so stretched, completely different than a normal full. Total crap shoot.
February 26th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Thats interesitng. I had an ultrasound one time but it was on my are as and experiment. It was on the my arm and the man said he couldnt find any vains only arteries. It was weird.
February 27th, 2009 at 1:23 am
Lessons learned: don’t listen to nurses? Don’t follow directions? Don’t drink more than you can comfortably stop in mid-stream? Don’t go to hospitals?
peace,
mike
livelife365
Mike Foster’s last blog post..Watch a Video, Drop a Comment!
February 27th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
I did NOT say you were stupid. Gullible…naive…yep…but not stupid.
Lee’s last blog post..North Cackalacky Jackie
February 28th, 2009 at 5:28 am
brooke — Yes, that does sound weird because arteries are thicker than veins. Do you have strong arms? I’m not a doctor, but I play one on this blog.
Mike Foster — Trust me, I’m much wiser now for next time. Why do we have to learn lessons the hard way?
Lee — Ha! And if I wasn’t, there would be no blog, eh? What in the world would I be able to share with you if not my stories of woe.
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:35 am
Im sorry I am laughing so hard at imagining you with your over loaded bladder!
meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..Sports
March 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
hahahaha I just had to go through this myself. I followed the instructions to the letter. Empty bladder two hours prior. Start drinking water and be done with 32 ounces one hour prior.
I was in physical PAIN by the time we got there. Then they tell me I didn’t follow the instructions properly (oh I beg to differ!) and didn’t need to drink that much and could empty out partially. WTH?!? The pain was horrible. You’re right…it is NOT easy to just let out a bit when you’re dying. And then they PRESS on my belly as I need to pee. aaahhhh!!!! It was awful.
megscole64’s last blog post..Women Are Sacred
March 2nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I remember when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. The dentist gave me some prescriptions. The pharmacist told me to take it without food, and so I did. A few days later I felt tired, dizzy and starting throwing up. When I called my dentist’s office, they were surprised to hear I took my medication w/o food. I was pretty pissed. Not only could I not eat whole foods for a week, but I got sick for no reason.
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March 2nd, 2009 at 8:47 pm
OMG way too funny and sooo true about needing clearer instructions.
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March 4th, 2009 at 5:00 am
meleah rebeccah — Anything to make you laugh. Hey, I have some catching up to do with your chapters. I’ll get there soon.
megscole64 — Misery loves company, although I’m sorry this happened to you too. What do they think we are, machines?
Lucy P – Oh, that wins the prize. Misunderstood instructions about food are tragic.
Kookaburra — Glad you liked it! My pain is your gain.
March 10th, 2009 at 2:39 am
I’m blown away that you were told to stop midstream. Now that takes effort. I guess women are biologically stronger than men.
March 10th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Matt — I don’t know. I think it was just “mind over splatter.” If there’s a will, there’s a way!
March 11th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
OHMYGOSH LMAO I LOVE THIS BLOG!
I love this story! This was a perfect thing to make me laugh to wind up my night!
Keep writing! I love reading this!
March 14th, 2009 at 5:14 am
Shae — Thanks, and do come back. There’s “plenty” more where this came from.
March 20th, 2009 at 12:42 am
I am suffering from eczima, a skin disease. Doctors are saying drink plenty of water. In fact it will remove some toxins from body
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April 2nd, 2009 at 9:04 am
I was wondering…is that a picture of the Dam in Branson? I live hear there and it looks very similar. Just curious.
April 3rd, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Paula — I have no idea. I grabbed the pick from a free photo site and I didn’t catch the specifics. All I know is that’s how my bladder felt until I could relieve it!
April 8th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I hated drinking the water for an ultrasound. I had to get the test done on a regular basis for a short period of time, so I tried to change it up and drank Vodka instead. The tech and doc weren’t to pleased with me and suggested rehab. That was 15 years ago and I finally went to rehab a year ago. Wow , I’m healthy now and take care of myself which results in no more crossing my legs after drinking tons of water or whatever your preferred drink! ha ha!
April 10th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Utah Drug Rehab — Har! I’d try to laugh about your rehab, but it doesn’t sound like a funny experience. Hey, at least you kept your sense of humor. Good on you!
April 11th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Oh drawer, I m felling very petty for you, Bcuz I really have the experience about that bladder thing, I hope you will not face the thing in future, wish you a healthy future.
Mayuresh’s last blog post..Changing default settings for text boxes
April 17th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
I once had a freelance writing assignment for a healthcare company and it was amazing the rules and regulations that govern the presentation of medical information and health-related issues as per the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, or HIPAA. Everything is written to not only comply to stringent guidelines but also to minimize liabilities. So the word “plenty” is vague enough then being specific about the measurements as to probably give the attorneys some legal room to maneuver.
April 18th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Grate Point I feel your pain! my wife was pregnant last year and had multiple ultrasounds.
May 4th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
That’s just ridiculous! If they need something specific like “half full”, that’s what they should tell you! What a mess.
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September 18th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
I was pregnant last year and had multiple ultrasounds. It’s difficult to focus on seeing the new baby with someone jabbing something at your full bladder
November 11th, 2009 at 2:01 am
I love this blog , all stuff completely original funny experiences in here… and I hate unclearly instructions from the doctor , sometime I hate myself being stupidity.
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March 22nd, 2010 at 5:40 am
it is so funny for me. I enjoy very much. Keep writing! I love reading this!
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March 23rd, 2010 at 12:04 am
i like your blog very much,because of your informatics and helpful post! for this post i want to say that the daily amount of water you are supposed to have is a little over 2L and that is throughout the whole day.
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