Step Away From the Kitchen
food, Stupid things I do May 26th, 2009Anyone who knows me knows I can’t cook. Never really tried. Didn’t get the gene.
But after enjoying a delicious meal at the home of Kim and Bryan, the bloggers I met last weekend, I decided I might like to try my hand at it. You see, Kim made homemade manicotti, including making the pasta shells from scratch!
I thought it would make a nice birthday dinner for my husband, Dave, and so I slaved away in the kitchen making my own pasta. You do it by pouring a thin mixture of eggs, flour, water and oil in a saute pan and swirling it around like you would a crepe. When the top dries, you simply pop it out on a plate and instant pasta!
I made 15 of those beauties and confidently went on to make the cheese filling and meatballs. Didn’t they turn out nice? Thanks for the recipe, Kim!
I basked in the glow of knowing that if I apply myself, I can pull off a decent meal and no one even has to go to the emergency room to get their stomach pumped.
And then God said "Get over yourself. It was a fluke."
The very next day I made a grilled cheese sandwich in the brand new saute pan I’d bought to make the pasta in, but didn’t wind up using.
When the pan heated, I started smelling something. I chastised my husband for not cleaning some burned food off the stovetop.
But the smell wasn’t exactly burnt food. Oh, no.
It was the smell of stupid.
We had a good chuckle over it, took this picture for proof a moron lives here and I ate my grilled cheese sandwich.
The very next day I was making an omelette in the very same pan.
Hmmmm. What’s that smell?
That’d be the smell of short term memory loss.
You’ll be happy to know I finally took the paper off the bottom of the pan and my house doesn’t smell like burning barcode anymore.
Is this universe’s way of telling me to get the hell out of the kitchen and leave it to the experts?
Yeah, I thought so.
Stumble it!
May 29th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Ok, that’s just hilarious. I can see it happening once but TWICE? I thought my short term memory was awful.
May 29th, 2009 at 9:38 am
I once ruined box brownies…how you may ask. Well apparently 1/3 cup veg oil is much different from 1 cup veg oil. I thought the mix looked a little “wet” but proceeded to cook anyway. Funny how it never really solidified….
May 29th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Oh dang that’s funny. I got to hand it to you – your a nut, and I mean that as the truest compliment 🙂 from a fellow nut. How do we do the things we do???
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May 29th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
You made HOMEMADE pasta? I burn grilled cheese, try a different pancake recipe EVERY SINGLE TIME and have to overcook chicken to make sure it’s cooked all the way through. Impressed doesn’t even begin to cover it.
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May 30th, 2009 at 5:49 am
misspiggytoes — I go through phases like that, too. I find one or two things I can make well and that’s about it. I’ve never been one to be adventurous in the kitchen. Just not my thing. We have to admire ourselves for even trying, though. BTW, you can never go wrong with a good meatloaf.
April — Yes, twice. I’m not proud of it.
Erin — Oh, yuck! I wish measurements weren’t so, you know, important. Did you eat them anyway?
diver daisy — Thank you! I do take that as a compliment. I think I’m this way to give my husband comic relief.
Mama Bub — Consider trying it once. It’s very liberating!
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I don’t think I’ve done that one… but cooking a roast with the little pieces of plastic & paper or whatever they are.. that I might have experience with. Maybe.
flit’s last blog post..Another Reason to Love Living in Cottage Country
June 4th, 2009 at 10:09 am
OMG! I laughed soooooo hard, and was trying even harder not to laugh out loud, I’m at work!!! I was laughing because I made banana pudding (the quick and easy kind) last night, and forgot the pudding, and started whipping up chocolate chip cookies this morning before work, and didn’t have ANY flour. And I’m a good cook!
June 6th, 2009 at 10:38 am
[…] about (the sky’s the limit) is somewhat modeled after her theme (dig through the drawer).  Step Away From The Kitchen is a recent post about why it’s important to remove all the packaging BEFORE you start […]
June 7th, 2009 at 7:34 am
lolz this reminds me of my first day in kitchen, i was 15 by that time and i really didnt know how to boil eggs or rice, not even the basics. I decided to make cinnamon rolls I let them proof on a tray before baking, covered them with a plastic wrapping sheet to keep off drying. It was 2 in the morning, tired, oven at 365, I put the tray into the oven. 20 fragrant minutes passed, I pull them out just to look at a strange spider-web-like netting over the buns. Later i realized, I left the plastic wrap on when I put the buns in the oven. I sliced off the top, have a bit of the bottom… oh so good… so sad to find a dozen cinnamon buns go in the garbage.
June 20th, 2009 at 4:49 am
UPDATE: THE PAN IS DEAD! My husband used the pan to fry up a burger last week and after he soaked it afterwards, I couldn’t get the residue off. Even after washing and scrubbing. We think the pan was defective from the start. It’s not me!
flit — You mean from the roast packaging? Hmmm, tasty. Not!
LaTonya — Oh, you and I are cut from the same cloth. There was that time I made tuna casserole without any tuna. D’oh! Don’t worry. No one has to know about your mistake. Just you, me and everybody who reads this blog.
Katty — I love that you still salvaged what you could. Exactly what I would do. No sense wasting perfectly delicious plastic-wrapped buns! Oh, and is there no more wonderful aroma than cinnamon buns baking in the oven?
June 30th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Thank you! This is a shout out to all of the girls who did not get the cooking gene, but we try anyways, right? I have one better for you. When I first started cooking, or I mean, tried to start cooking, I wanted to heat something up in the oven so I turned it on and put it in. A little while later I started smelling rubber. I looked in the oven and my PLASTIC bowl had melted. Yes, plastic does not belong in the oven and I guess this is how I found out! If I had a dime for every one of my blond moments I would be rich!! I loved this post. Its nice to know there are others like me in the world. You rock!!
July 16th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Wedding favors girl — I feel your pain. So would my brother in law, who once heated up a glass carafe of coffee on the stove top and the plastic handle melted right down into the coils. D’oh! p.s. Please don’t burn your house down and I’ll try not to as well.
October 22nd, 2009 at 6:39 am
we are in the same shoes, i don’t have the “cooking genes”.
but then congratulations that you were able to cook a decent recipe.
i am just hesitant about that “plastic” that you used. is it safe? don’t they leave a smell in your cooked food?
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November 17th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
Haha this totally sounds like something I would do! My wife won’t let me near the kitchen…. Lets see the last time I tried to make coffee I ran the entire thing without any coffee grounds so we had a nice hot pot of water! I usually set paper and things on a hot stove, the smell alerts up soon enough! Good to know I’m not the only won, hey it’s just who we are!
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November 25th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
My wife didn’t get the “cooking gene” either. But don’t worry, she knows it and it’s OK with her. Because, well, I’m not that bad of a cook.
Funny thing is she did the same thing with the label – TWICE too! No offense, but I really didn’t think anyone else would ever repeat that.
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November 30th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Oh man! That cracked me up! Nice post!
I’m so glad my mom trained us in the kitchen! =D
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January 13th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
I also love how easy it is to make the crepe/pasta.
I’ve been making manicotti that same way for years.
March 16th, 2010 at 7:58 am
That pasta looks good.
I’m pretty sure you husband appreciates your cooking skills.
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