Stuff My Husband Doesn’t Know About When I Mow the Lawn
Stupid things I do July 1st, 2009
I love to mow the lawn. It’s good exercise. But there’s one problem. I suck at it.
While my husband Dave is recovering from shoulder surgery, I’ve taken on the chore of mowing every weekend. He feels bad he can’t do it, but that’s not the reason he should feel bad.
He should feel bad for the mower itself and everything it touches.
Herewith are the things I’ve done to the mower or with the mower in the last year:
1. I took out part of a tree he planted in the front yard. I don’t know how. All I know is when I motored past it, an entire branch broke off and got stuck in the hole that keeps the pull string attached to the mower. I threw the branch to the ground and mowed over it a bunch of times –the equivalent of hiding the body.
2. The first time I mowed alone, I got too close to a curb and the mower tipped over into the street. I heard a horrible propeller-type banging. That’d be the blade striking concrete at 3,600 RPM. I didn’t turn off the mower for a really long time because — all together now — I’m an idiot!
3. Dave likes to remove the metal rainspout extensions that run parallel to the ground before mowing. You know, so the grass is cut evenly. Why move perfectly placed rainspouts when you can run right over them? That’s mowing the efficient Kathy way.
4. Those big gashes at the base of the mailbox post? Sorry.
5. Remember, honey, how nice the front yard used to look when I would take the time to make nice diagonal lines through the yard? I know it looks like a child hopped up on Jujubees mowed it now, but really, can’t the grass just be short? We’re not going for design points, are we?
6. If the azalea bush doesn’t blossom next year, well, let’s just say I was getting tired and I had to take it out on something.
I love mowing! It’s so easy my way.
Dave, you’re not reading today’s post, are you?
Stumble it!
July 5th, 2009 at 9:21 am
Gosh, we just have so much in common! I was banned from mowing the lawn way back. When I accidentally set the blade too low and we lived with a landing strip in the back yard for an entire summer. (How was I supposed to know???) And we just lived too dog gone close to the airport for that to ever happen again . . . 🙂
diver daisy’s last blog post..Neighbors Across the Street
July 5th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
No matter how many stupid things occur while you’re mowing, at least you CAN MOW. I’m too scairt. I’m afraid the thing will go crazy and start flying around the yard with me holding on for dear life. Or that my leg will get chopped off. Or that it will explode. Amazingly, I do drive a car.
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I Have Brilliant Ideas so you don’t have to
July 5th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I just wish I had a lawn to mow, your poor Dave is gonna have a lot of repair work to do when he gets better huh!
Maybe you should think about gettin him a new mower for Xmas.
Trukindog’s last blog post..THE WEEKEND JAM #44 THE UNITED STATES NATIONAL ANTHEM – HAPPY 4th OF JULY
July 5th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I refuse to mow. It’s the very least hubby can do around here. I refuse to get on the riding mower that he uses for our large backyard.
Even though it DOES look like fun….
Maureen’s last blog post..A Funny Thing Happened…
July 5th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Our curbs are scarred from my wife’s mow-work too. And last year I was summoned to “listen to this” after she mowed the lawn, only to discover the blade was actually bent with a chunk missing out of it. I don’t even ask anymore.
Jeff’s last blog post..Mr. Know-It-All
July 5th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
We must be twins! LOL!
July 5th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
D.R. — Oh, I remember ours, too. Although I didn’t really use it much. I had brothers for the job. Would you believe I considered buying one and trying to do our yard with it? Would probably take me six hours, but I’m curious if it would do the job or not.
TASER C2 — It IS better! I got a little lecture yesterday about not mowing over the rain spouts. Darn it. It’s so much easier my way.
Ferd — Or Home Destruction for Women. Oh, no need to worry about chain saws. I can’t type as fast with only one arm.
Lola — Oh, man. You should see my other neighbor who takes his riding mower up on the hill and drives really fast on an angle. I’m forever worried he’s gonna tip it, but he doesn’t seem to fear that. I can’t want to see your dorky photo! OMG. I just saw it. Would you be mad if I said you win hands down?
Alise — Yes, I’m familiar with Bacon Salt. I wrote a review of it a while back. I wasn’t enamored with it. I wanted it to be so much better, but alas, it just tasted like BBQ sauce. But thanks for thinking of me!
flit — Yes, yes they are. Although they don’t stand a chance against me and my mower.
diver daisy — I just said to a friend today that I wished Dave hadn’t raised the blades the last time I cut. I prefer to shave the lawn so I don’t have to do it as often. Oddly enough, we live close to an airport too. So I guess I’d better be careful. They already look like they want to land in my yard. No sense in giving them an invitation.
JD at I Do Things — And let me just speak for everyone and say it’s a good thing you don’t mow. I just had a vision of you being dragged through your yard by your mower. It’s very funny, until the part where you lose a leg. It gets bloody then.
Trukindog — Well, he insists I stop mowing over the rain spouts so we don’t have to replace them. Oh, and incidentally, my father called me to scold me for doing the lawn the way I’m doing it. Geesh. This is when people usually say “Then do it yourself!”
Maureen — Yes! It does look like fun, doesn’t it? Don’t you want to try it just once? Come on, you’re a little curious aren’t you?
Jeff — Crap. So you’re saying I might actually have done some damage after all? Although we’ve flipped the mower over to carve out some grass clumps and Dave never suspected anything, so I might be out of the woods.
Nancy — So you’re saying your lawn looks like hell, too?
July 5th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
No, I’m not mad at all that you said I’d win hands down, cause I did!
Thank you for voting for me in the First Official Dork-Off at Lin’s Duck and Wheel With String.
http://duckandwheelwithstring.blogspot.com/
The votes are in and the winner has been announced. Thanks so much for your vote. Be sure to come back and check out Lin’s blog and my blogs.
Thanks again!
Lola
http://lolasdiner.blogspot.com
Lola’s last blog post..TGIF VGNO! – And…Go Vote For Me!
July 6th, 2009 at 7:32 am
The first time I mowed the lawn at our house, I fell off the curb and broke my ankle.
Momo Fali’s last blog post..Reasons I Love America
July 6th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Yeah, my husband doesn’t like me to cut our yard either. I only do it when I fear for the dogs safety – like when it’s up to their knees and since they are greyhounds, that’s pretty tall. That’s only happened a few times when hubby was out of town or working late hours though.
Patty’s last blog post..Scout’s A Storm Buster, Too!
July 6th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
You are quite welcome to come and cut my grass any time you like. I don’t give a rat’s ass what it looks like — my only goal is to avoid getting a nasty letter from the city (this has happened to me before).
I hate cutting grass, I hate doing yardwork of any kind, and I hate spending time outside in the sun in the summer. I’ve seriously considered astroturf, green carpet, or green cement. I could happily live in a house without a lawn. I am most definitely NOT a “yard Nazi”.
Libertine’s last blog post..Fourth Of July Celebrations Fizzle Out in Recent Years
July 6th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
The first time I mowed the lawn was very unforgettable moment. I tipped over the street and almost cut off my arm. That was so scary. My heart was so beating so fast that day. thanks to God I didn’t lost my arm.
July 6th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I am CRACKING UP. Woman, you are too funny. I wish there were photos! Especially of this one:
“4. Those big gashes at the base of the mailbox post? Sorry.”
ahahhahahHAHHAHHAhaha
July 6th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Just imagine the amount of damage you could do on a riding lawn mower. Oh, sure, you wouldn’t get exercise the same way you do with a push mower. But just think of the destruction!
July 6th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
That is hilarious! Kudos to you for persevering!
I have mowed a lawn once in my life, and let’s just say, I never did it again, mainly cuz no one would let me! Not that I would have if I could have. That’s part of why I live in an apartment.
July 7th, 2009 at 4:47 am
Lola — I’m so happy you won! And really, I cannot get over your hair. You were a dork of the highest magnitude. God bless you for volunteering that picture!
Momo Fali — Oh, cripes. And it was the last time you mowed I guess. I’m glad I only hurt the mower when I fell off my curb. Counting my blessings.
Patty — I’d be afraid what would be lurking in the tall grass! It’s bad enough I have to dodge cat poops in the yard. Yes, one of my cats actually poops outside. She thinks she’s a dog.
Libertine — We got a nasty letter too, but not for the grass. We hadn’t shoveled a half inch of snow off our walk and someone called the township. $150 fine! So do you get your son to mow for you? It should be a kid’s job, don’t ya think?
horse saddles — I don’t even want to think about the poor people who actually do hurt themselves mowing. Especially riding mower roll-overs. Be careful out there people!
meleah rebeccah — Oh, I can’t show that picture. It looks like hell. We are admiring a neighbor’s new mailbox. I want one. It’s cement!
kev — If I had riding mower, I would be like my obsessive neighbor and do it twice a week. Not kidding. Do they put seat belts on those things?
Jane Doe — I think my husband would like me to stop persevering. He’s waiting for the go-ahead from his doctor that he can mow again. Right now, he just prays I don’t damage the house somehow.
July 9th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
We have a riding lawnmower… I’d probably take out a small tree or lose a foot if I attempted to mow. Hubby is not allowed to have surgery.
DI
The Blue Ridge Gal
Di’s last blog post..Summer Doldrums
July 16th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Di — Yes, the most important thing to remember from this story is that if you have someone else doing your lawn normally, DO NOT LET THEM STOP.
July 31st, 2009 at 2:33 am
Its gives me an idea not to let my wife mow the lawn the next time I’m not at home because of business trips. No, I will never let her touch the lawn again.=)
September 1st, 2009 at 11:22 am
I weed wacked my neighbors lawn because he had a heart attack.
Unfortunately I weed wacked his gorwing apple trees.
Heart Attack #2
May 4th, 2010 at 8:26 am
One my wife dosn’t know about. While I was feeding the dogs my wife arrived home. Slightly confused by all the barking and exitement I licked the dog food spoon, kissed my wife and put the spoon in the pasta sauce on the cooker. yum,yum
May 11th, 2010 at 3:55 pm
I agree, you should SHOULD should get a show like “Home Improvement” 🙂
August 1st, 2010 at 12:03 pm
If I don’t pick it up before I start mowing, I don’t pick it up because I’d have to turn off and restart the mower to do so. Hopefully, it’s not too large an object to chop up.
My recent mowing adventure was the first time I’d mowed the grass in about 6 years, since the time I put the wrong kind of gas in the mower (something to do with two strokes and four strokes?) and the engine seized. If you do that, your husband won’t allow you to mow even if you want to.