Dear Lady Who Fell into a Mall Fountain While Walking and Texting, Let Me Show You How It’s Done

January 20th, 2011

This week, the Internet went all knee-slappin’ hysterical when a video of a woman who fell into a mall fountain while walking and texting was posted on YouTube.

Yes, she was embarrassed and, of course, she’s suing because that’s what people do in this country when they should just walk away and laugh at themselves.

And that is this woman’s problem.

She does not know how to laugh like a hyena at her own stupidity.

Let me show you how it’s done, you silly woman.

I lunched with some blogger friends a few weeks ago at a very fancy shmancy restaurant. I’m more of a cheeseburger and fries kind of girl, so I was totally out of my element.

After our meal, we decided to order some dessert. The only thing on the menu that sounded exciting to me was fried ice cream.

Who doesn’t like ice cream, and holy clogged arteries, who doesn’t like it fried?

All three of us ordered it and when it was delivered to the table, the waiter approached each dish with a small serving boat, which I was hoping was full of hot fudge.

It was not.

It was full of something that set my dessert on fire when the waiter touched a flame-tipped lighter to it.

OK, so now I’m hip to the dessert. I’m getting flambéed here.

I dig it.

It’s pretty.

When my dessert flames out, I start eating. It’s good and decent, but not fabulous, as I prefer my desserts to be.

Why? Because at the bottom of my dish lay a puddle of cream mixed with alcohol.

Alcohol? Why is there alcohol in my dessert? Who puts alcohol in ice cream? I didn’t ask for it and I’m not at all pleased.

But I continue eating because my lunch mates are infinitely more refined than me and not the kind of people who go around freaking out about alcohol in their desserts.

After we say our good-byes and I get home, I immediately Google “flambé” and am surprised to learn that it’s alcohol that makes a flambéed dessert shoot up in flames when you light it.

Oh.

Oh, wait.

I knew that, didn’t I? Yes, I’m sure I knew that. I think. No, I didn’t. Did I? No. I did not.

What I’m sure of is that I’m a dumbass and my blogger friends who are just now reading about this will never invite me to lunch again because I’m just that stupid.

So, lady who fell into a fountain while texting, that is how you laugh at yourself. You do not sue someone. Instead, you realize how dumb you are and then you blog about it for other people’s enjoyment.

That should be the new American way.

Stumble it!

59 Responses to “Dear Lady Who Fell into a Mall Fountain While Walking and Texting, Let Me Show You How It’s Done”

Chris Casey Says:
January 24th, 2011 at 11:22 am

Hey kathy-

just thought you would like to know that fountain lady was wanted on warrants for failure to appear on felony charges of theft. They (The Cops) had no idea where she was or that she was working at the mall.
She is definitely a candidate for an episode of America’s dumbest Criminals on Tru TV.
I think the Mall security guards should have thought twice before posting the video to u-tube, but I don’t deny I laughed out loud. I have observed people walking out into the street in the Lehigh Valley almost daily while playing with their phones.
At Christmas I saw idiots at a nearby outlet walk right in front of a bus, then scream at the bus for almost hitting them. Maybe God has found a new way to cull the idiots from the herd.
Chris Casey´s last blog post ..In Trelertown- some people are still stuffing their faces- but I dont think the economy is doing all that well

sheila Says:
January 24th, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Kathy, you had me all excited there for a minute – you were going to show us how it was done, and then the whole flambee’ thing, before I got past that I had visions of you running out of the restaurant with your hair on fire or something (not that I would wish that on you. Suing someone because you’re a moron – pathetic.

RonLeyba Says:
January 24th, 2011 at 7:05 pm

Ok, I am voting for Kathy new American way.! Pure blogging enjoyment and less suing other people because they laugh at you doing purely laughable acts. LOL =)
RonLeyba´s last blog post ..Most Wanted Highly Anticipated Games Of 2011

PhunnieOne Says:
January 25th, 2011 at 1:50 am

I think we all have our ‘durp” moments. I once told someone John Wayne died at the Alamo. Was a little confused because he was in the movie the Alamo. As soon as I said it, I knew it was all sorts of wrong. The person I said it to looked at me like I was the biggest idiot.

muskrat Says:
January 26th, 2011 at 8:46 pm

I too had my first flaming dessert experience recently! Only, I knew there was alcohol in it. That’s why I ordered it–it was cheaper than a glass of wine or liquor.

Paula/adhocmom Says:
January 26th, 2011 at 9:08 pm

OMG. I want that dessert right now. Because I seriously can’t decide between a drink and a cookie. This dessert would prevent me from any further decision making. Although I obviously realize there was no cookie involved in said dessert. . .