Kitty Defensive Tackles
cats October 29th, 2011It occurs to me that even though I don’t know much about football, my cats have been studying up.
In particular, both have become exceptionally good defensive tackles when I try to play Facebook Bejeweled.
Defensive tackles play at the center of the defensive line. Their function is to rush the passer and stop running plays directly in the middle of the line of scrimmage.
The line of scrimmage is the six inches between me and my laptop.
To wit:
This method of blocking is very effective, since this large, hairy tackle does not move once the play begins.
She sits there like a rock while the quarterback tries unsuccessfully to click around her body. The QB’s attempts to match falling gems fail miserably until or unless she actually lifts the tackle off the table and places her on the floor.
Now.
The other defensive tackle in this household uses a different strategy, known simply as the tail wag.
This technique sends tail and fur directly into the nose, and sometimes mouth, of the quarterback. The Play of Unmerciful Tickling causes the quarterback to either sneeze or spend the next five minutes in a futile attempt to remove that one hair that’s been bothering her.
It is not necessary for this tackle’s butt to block the entire line of scrimmage, as the tail’s whipping action is plenty effective.
In addition, both tackles have learned the art of the head butt and purring while play is underway. The quarterback has no choice but to abort the game due to obsessive cuteness.
So tell me, how many four-legged defensive tackles do you have? Got any good strategies that work for you?
Or do you just punt?
Stumble it!
October 29th, 2011 at 7:49 am
I am so familiar with these moves 🙂
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October 29th, 2011 at 8:32 am
LOLOL! This post is HILARIOUS because I have 3 cats and they are awful. Shadow thinks my laptop is warm and he is sneaky. If I leave it open and walk away, he sleeps on the keyboard and I come back to random letters written everywhere and 500 extra open windows to close. Chaos is of the tail block variety like your kitties. He either brushes his big furry tail over my face or he stands behind the laptop flicking his tail over and across the screen so I can’t see anything (he’s a longhair so this is an effective move for him). Meteor’s a kitten, so the mere typing of my fingers or moving my finger over the trackpad thing is enough to send him into a frenzy of playing and attacking my hand. heehee.. I get no peace.
October 29th, 2011 at 8:32 am
They are a very effective team. I think the tail is an especially effective move. My team could take a lesson!
🙂
Traci
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October 29th, 2011 at 8:58 am
We think those are pawsome strategies. Allie likes to jump on Mom’s desk and land right on her mouse hand. That always makes Mom really happy!
The Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie
Mom wants to know how you get such great scores with all of that interference?
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October 29th, 2011 at 9:10 am
When the little furry girls grow weary of the tail wag, sit on the keyboard, brush head into my face diversions, there is the larger woofy girl who comes over to paw at me and say, “Pay attention. I’m here!” A house full of help, I have.
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October 29th, 2011 at 10:31 am
Kathy, this post is BEYOND genius!
LOVE the photos and captions!
And having had cats, I can so indentify!
“This technique sends tail and fur directly into the nose, and sometimes mouth, of the quarterback. The Play of Unmerciful Tickling causes the quarterback to either sneeze or spend the next five minutes in a futile attempt to remove that one hair that’s been bothering her.”
Bwhahahahahahahaha!
My male cat (Jerry) use to love swatting his tail across my face whenever I was on my computer – SWAT! SWAT!
And why is it that they ALWAYS enjoy sitting directly in front of the TV screen when you’re watching a movie?
But hey, you gotta love them!
Meow!
Ron´s last blog post ..From My Vampire Chronicles
October 29th, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I don’t know jack-all what you’re talking about but when the kitties decide that walking all over my desk, napping on my keyboard or sitting in front of the screen is the way to go, I simply pick them up and toss them ever so gently onto the the love seat in my office. Much grooming takes place before they settle in for a nap in a sunbeam…
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October 29th, 2011 at 2:40 pm
OFFSIDES! 5 yard penalty. Resume play.
Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog post ..Going Bananners!
October 29th, 2011 at 7:51 pm
I have a highly skilled defense here. They don’t have long tails to wave about, but they each weigh at least 30 pounds, so they can simply place their bulk between me and the laptop if necessary. Patches uses his paws to bat my hands away from the keys, and Sebastian covers the trackpad with his chin. The defense can be easily distracted, however, with a shake of the treat box.
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October 29th, 2011 at 11:09 pm
When they try to occupy the space between me and my keyboard, I grab them and snuggle them, which they hate. They’ll jump down and run away, and then be back in five minutes for more of the same. They have brains the size of walnuts, so I can’t really expect more of them.
Marvin´s last blog post ..The joy of living near deep water
October 30th, 2011 at 12:10 am
When a Farm cat tries to get in my way I just butt them.
The publicist does not approve of this but I don’t care.
Stupid Farm cats
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October 30th, 2011 at 12:24 am
I have a grey striped tabby cat! Very sweet cat but his favorite spot to lay down is right in front of the computer screen. Loved your post!! Your kitties are so cute.
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October 30th, 2011 at 6:07 am
Bobbie — I think cats come that way. At least mine said so on the box.
Bacon — We both have a Shadow??? Wow, you really don’t get any peace, do you? And I expect you get the same treatment when you’re trying to study. When I was in college, my cats loved to sprawl out all over my textbooks when I was trying to read. Also happened with the newspaper. They’re not stupid. (p.s. Love the name Meteor!)
Star Traci — Oh, no. You don’t want to teach them anything. In fact, I think it’s all about unlearning behaviors like biting feet under blankets, occupying the best seat in the house, and waking up the house at 4AM because horseplay at that hour feels appropriate to them.
Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie — Ah, yes, the ever important mouse hand move. How is it that they know just which body part to disrupt the most? Of course, we can’t really blame them. It is called a mouse after all. p.s. I get great scores because I play for too many hours a day to be healthy. The games the cats ruin are inconsequential.
Carol — I love my Shadow’s persistence. She really will not move until satisfied. And even if I pet her for five minutes straight, she comes right back. She has me trained so well.
Ron — Did I even know you had cats? OMG. How’d that happen? I do love their quiet cool while blocking everything we want to see. Sit there like a statue until we get up off a comfortable couch and PAY ATTENTION to them. We are, after all, their staff and must respond always to the slightest request. And then when they’re done with us, we’re cast aside. Yeah, something wrong with that picture. So how much snow did you get yesterday? We got 8-10″ and lost power for eight hours. Brutal.
Grace — “…for a nap in a sunbeam.” Oh, how I love that. I do love a cat’s rituals. The preening, the settling in for a 12 hour nap, and the ever-popular tap, tap, tap on the forehead to wake up already. I couldn’t live without cats, this I know.
Daisy the Curly Cat — I bet you and Harley know all about football, especially the cuddle .. er, the huddle. But something tells me that Harley would get a lot of penalties for ruining your GOOD TIME too much!
absepa — Ah, the bulk is a tough defense. But luckily you have treats as an effective counter move. Mine don’t care much for treats, so I’m resigned to having to lift Shadow’s bulk out of my way, which has become more difficult with my elbow injury. She’s not a thin girl. I have to use my good arm to move her off the field of play.
Marvin — Ah, the snuggle! Yes, I’ve done that too. And yes, they DO hate that. I love to see them squirm. And it’s funny how they pretend to hate it, but come back for more. Cats. Weird.
Pricilla — Aw, poor farm kitties. They just want to show you how much they love you. Or, they’re trying to get at your food. One or the other.
Tanya — Lucky is the gray tabby. Sometimes he looks a little brown if the light’s just right. He’s also the insane one. Crazy, 24/7. So if yours lays down on the line of scrimmage, I think the rule book says you’re allowed to over-snuggle (see Marvin’s comment). That’ll do it.
October 30th, 2011 at 9:39 am
The very reason I don’t let Seamus into the mancave. However, if he does sneak in, I then punt. 🙂
unfinishedperson´s last blog post ..At a crossroads, so to speak, in my reading
October 30th, 2011 at 1:21 pm
One reason having dogs is an advantage…especially dogs who are not allowed on the furniture, something cats would never agree to.
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October 30th, 2011 at 2:02 pm
Oh snap, they sure are one organized team!
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October 30th, 2011 at 2:07 pm
almost makes me glad I don’t have cats… well, not really…. but puppies are quite enough of a pain
If I back away from my computer even a few inches, I invariably get tackled and wind up with one or t’other on my lap.
flit´s last blog post ..Car rides
October 30th, 2011 at 3:11 pm
Cats and computers can be a vexing combination. Needless to say, my cat is on my lap as I try to type this. Often when I write, she gets on my lap facing me, puts her paws on my shoulders and goes nose to nose with me. Predictably, when I try to shift her, she gets all bent out of shape. As a kitten, she was so clingy and needy all I had to do was look at her and she’d come running–yes, running–over to me. In those days, when she slept, I’d tip-toe around so as not to wake her. It was the only way I could get anything done. Unfortunately, in my eyes, she’s the most adorable creature on the planet. Hard as I might try, I could never punt her out the window.
Love your pictures and this post!
June O’Hara´s last blog post ..Worth His While
October 30th, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Our cats like distraction plays, including (but not limited to) bringing in little dead (or dying) things they catch in the yard, jumping up on your lap/computer table when you are not looking and scaring the bejeebers out of you, and/or stealing food from the kitchen counter. This morning one or more of them stole an entire raw boneless skinless chicken thigh from a pan on the counter while our backs were turned. We are hoping that the dog assisted them in finishing off the chicken piece, or else we’ll find the putrefying remains under someone’s dresser in a few days. We have checked the obvious places but they are a crafty bunch.
Also, one of the cats enjoys coming in from outside soaking wet and bee-lining directly in to snuggle with me. While I am sleeping. In my bed. My formerly clean, dry bed.
Impetua´s last blog post ..Stepparenting for dummies
October 30th, 2011 at 7:36 pm
Right now I’m sitting on my couch, with Holly on my lap and the laptop balanced across my knees. To get to the keyboard, my right arm goes over Holly, while my left arm basically goes under her. Holly’s chin is resting on my left arm, and her front paws are tucked under it. The scary part? I have no memory of how I got into this position.
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October 30th, 2011 at 9:04 pm
Punt. The cats. Out your front door. Into traffic.
Did I mention I’m a dog person?
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October 31st, 2011 at 5:42 am
My two cats are very well behaved and generally do not block my computer screen at all. Only once in awhile, and even then they will move if I just ask them nicely. I love my cats and we have a wonderful relationship!
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October 31st, 2011 at 4:18 pm
My cat’s favorite place to sit is on top of my laptop keyboard. Not my favorite! Happy Halloween Kathy!
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November 1st, 2011 at 4:31 am
unfinished person — You mean there’s actually an area of the house where poor Seamus is forbidden??? I’m in shock. Have you forgotten who rules the roost? I … I …. I just don’t know what to say.
Tina — No, no they would not. Do you know how many times I come home to find cat paw prints on my laptop?
meleah rebeccah — They also have a routine for waking me up for breakfast. They work together. I’m no match for them.
flit — Sometimes I think I would like a puppy because at least I’d stand a chance training them to not do certain things. And then I remember I’m a total pushover.
June O’Hara — I don’t doubt she is the most adorable cat on the planet. When Lucky (the tail-wagger) was a kitten, he had to be quarantined for a few weeks. When it was time for medication, he would come running and stand behind me while I prepared the syringe. He’d put his paws on my neck from behind and lick my hair. OMG. Cutest thing ever! I think he thought meds were a treat. Weirdo!
Impetua — Laughing at the description of the cats ruling your house. You’ve come to terms with this, it sounds. A wet cat is still a snuggly cat. Hee.
Laura — That is both adorable and complex. I love how we don’t even try to move them half the time. We’d rather contort ourselves into pretzels, eh? Funny!
Knucklehead — I might forgive you for saying that. Might.
Karen — Where in the world did you find them? Don’t they know what they’re missing?
DJ — Ah, that’s because it’s nice and toasty! Our Lucky loves to lay on the audio unit in the living room. Until it broke. Now he has one less warm “bed” to lay on. Incidentally, we figure he broke it.
November 3rd, 2011 at 9:16 am
Sooooo cute! Have you tried having her drafted by a football team? Luckily you have a cat, I have a dog who likes to pull my computer wires!
gracia19´s last blog post ..More Home Security Tips
November 4th, 2011 at 8:56 am
LOL! Who knew! My husband wants me to learn more about football and after reading this I think I will just get my cat to teach me! I would rather spend time with my cat then actually learning football anyway!
November 5th, 2011 at 4:26 pm
I love the way cats boss you around your own house, at least ours does!
November 6th, 2011 at 10:58 am
My FOUR four-legged defensive tackles use different strategies. Ernie flops on the keyboard and purrs, Piddy uses the tickle technique you described. Since he has long fur he’s brilliant at leaving pieces up my nose and in my eyes. Mimi thinks computers are stupid and leaves me alone. Smidgeon just annoys me to death by constantly meowing. I usually toss him a piece of paper and he takes off. By the way, I think you just taught me something about football. That’s a first!
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November 7th, 2011 at 7:32 am
He either brushes his big furry tail over my face or he stands behind the laptop flicking his tail over and across the screen so I can’t see anything (he’s a longhair so this is an effective move for him). Meteor’s a kitten, so the mere typing of my fingers or moving my finger over the trackpad thing is enough to send him into a frenzy of playing and attacking my hand.
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November 7th, 2011 at 7:15 pm
The Farting Kitty lays on the my keyboard…she just flops there. It’s so annoying. The other one puts her paws on the keys, sticks her nose in my face and sneezes. Yes. Disgusting.
November 8th, 2011 at 10:12 am
You women and your football. It’s all you ever think about.
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November 9th, 2011 at 9:09 pm
I like the kitty here…Looks so cute!!
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November 19th, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Hello! I found your blog on Kathryn’s blog. Wanted to thank you for inspiration. I used your blog title in a poem of mine 🙂
November 25th, 2011 at 12:10 am
On third down, when said defender is off sides, a flag is thrown which results in a 5 foot pole penalty up the ass. Yes, this means in my house, *I* always have home field advantage!
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January 21st, 2012 at 6:52 pm
I have to admit, Rocky doesn’t get up on my desk, but when I’m sitting here on the couch with the laptop his favorite move is to walk from the arm across my tummy and on to the space beside me. Hey, he’s almost 20 yrs old, so not much action from the old guy other than what I’ve described. 🙂
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January 21st, 2012 at 7:39 pm
Seamus lays on my left arm until I am keenly aware of the exact location of my cubital tunnel, and what it feels like when that particular bunch of nerves is asleep. If I try to move he grabs my arm with his paws and squeezes it.
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January 23rd, 2012 at 12:29 pm
That happens when you play bejeweled a lot and you have cats!
June 28th, 2012 at 2:34 am
I have a similar situation with our two cats and two dogs (was three, but we lost Sox to cancer two weeks ago) and have developed a strategy to deal with all of their sophisticated offensive and defensive moves. Unfortunately this strategy involves a lot of standing and walking in circles whilst using my laptop.
The cats had decided to play dirty, so the change in strategy was necessary. Head buts, perforation techniques (claws to the stomach) and direct assaults on the nose using perfectly timed butt-flicks had all been employed thereby causing distraction, and indeed danger, of a … er, dangerously distracting kind.
And it’s not as if I ever do anything as important as play Bejewelled!
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