Weird Guy in the Men’s Room
Bizarre, work May 23rd, 2012I don’t profess to know what goes on in a typical men’s room and I don’t have a desire to know, really.
What happens in the men’s room should stay in the men’s room.
Except that weird things happen in the men’s rooms where I work and I’m unprotected from these stories, which my male co-workers keep foisting upon me.
To wit.
There is a guy who hangs out in the library where I work. No one recognizes him as an employee. Those who’ve seen him suspect he’s a townie who just likes hanging out in a library reading.
Fine. We love reading. People should be able to read in a library all day. That’s a good thing.
It’s when he uses the bathroom that things get a little interesting.
My co-worker has entered the men’s room to find Weird Guy standing at a urinal, doin’ his thang, as normal.
But with his shoes off to the side.
When he finishes, he puts his shoes back on and exits. Without washing his hands to boot.
Now.
I have to assume that he’s protecting his shoes from errant spray. I think I get that.
But if you’re going to have spray, do you really want it on your socks, which you then cover with your shoes, so all that residue bakes inside the rest of the day?
Is spray really a problem in there? Is that what happens? If he’s not concerned about spray, then why take the shoes off? Unless they’re platform shoes, and Weird Guy wants to be closer to the urinal, what’s the point? Is it more comfortable to pee without shoes on? Who does that?
So many questions.
The same guy has been spotted on another occasion by a different co-worker.
We’re all about saving energy where we work. The men’s and ladies rooms both have tiny vestibules leading into the actual restroom, which are lit.
It’s a habit of this co-worker to turn off that light as he enters the bathroom.
The actual bathroom has motion sensor lights in it, so that they only turn on when someone enters. The light remains on for a good while after a person exits, then automatically shuts off.
Now.
When he entered the restroom, he did his usual thing – turned off the vestibule light – and then opened the next door leading to the men’s room.
The light turned on automatically.
And there he found Weird Guy, standing at a urinal in a room that moments before was dark.
OK.
So.
What this means is that Weird Guy went into the men’s room, the light went on, but then he stayed. Motionless. For as long as it took for the light to turn off.
I. Do. Not. Understand.
I can find no reason a person wants to be in the bathroom in the dark, well after he’s finished doing his business.
What’s to do in there? You can’t even read! You can’t see anything! You’re in a bathroom in the pitch black scaring the crap out of people who come in after you. What are you doing Weird Guy????
So many questions.
I’m super grateful that nothing like this ever happens in the ladies room. The worst that happens is discovering that female college students are complete and total slobs.
But at least they’re slobs who pee wearing shoes with the lights on.
Stumble it!
May 24th, 2012 at 5:13 am
He sounds skerry AND weird. If he’s so worried about his shoes, he should put garbage bags on them before using the facilities.
Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog post ..We Got Valerian Root!
May 24th, 2012 at 5:25 am
Those are some tough questions–got no answers here for you. Sorry. Some people are just plain goofy.
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May 24th, 2012 at 5:41 am
That’s just plain weird, no matter the gender. I’ll ask my hubby and see if he has any insight.
May 24th, 2012 at 7:03 am
I think there is just as much weird stuff going on in the ladies room, we just don’t see it all because of all the doors.
Case in point–I used to work in a plant and had to use the restroom that was attached to the ladies locker room. Needless to say, the crowd was a little…uh…”rough”. There was a disgruntled employee who would pick her nose and leave them on the stalls. I kinda held it after awhile and tried not to touch anything if I absolutely HAD to go.
Joe has a weirdo in his restroom too. He’s got all sorts of weird stories about this dude, but last week, Joe walked in to a horrendous stench, and this guy was standing there by the sink, washing his hands–he was COVERED in brown stinky stuff. It was on his shirt, pants, hands….everywhere! Joe took one look and left immediately. He had an idea what it was, but didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out for sure.
Yeah, it’s happening all over. Thank goodness for stalls in the ladies room.
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May 24th, 2012 at 8:22 am
Before we moved into the offices we are in now – when we were in the other library – we had access to a private (one user) bathroom, with a door that locked. I have yet to encounter “Shoeless Go” Jackson, but I’m sure missing the old days…
May 24th, 2012 at 8:57 am
I got nothin’
Pricilla – Famous SpokesGoat´s last blog post ..Bad Goats, Bad Goats! Whatchagonnado?!
May 24th, 2012 at 9:44 am
Kathy, this is strangest thing I’ve ever read!
First, I can’t for the life of me figure out why Wierd Guy takes his shoes off to PEE???
OMG…how gross to stand there in his socked feet and have them touching that filthy floor. Ewwwwwwww!!! Spray or no spray, I wouldn’t take my shoes off to pee (even if I were wearing a pair Manolo Blahnik’s)!
Personally, I never use the urinals in a pubic restroom. I only use the stalls.
Second, I can’t figure out why Weird Guy stands there in a DARK bathoom. That would freak me out if I walked in and saw him standing there in the dark.
The only reason I can think of is that perhaps he has prostrate trouble, so by the time he actually pee’s the light goes off?
This whole scenario is very bazzar.
But hey, it made for a GREAT post, girl!
X
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May 24th, 2012 at 10:18 am
My my, you work in some interesting conditions, don’t you? Your story makes me glad I work at home! Has anyone thought to ask this gentleman what the heck’s he doing? I’d love to hear his explanation.
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May 24th, 2012 at 11:04 am
I was going to say what Ron said about the ewwww! socks touching that nasty floor.
This reminds me about that blog I was going to do about the men’s bathroom. Maybe I could ride off your coattails and we could make it a theme .. a sort of… blog carnival if you will.
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May 24th, 2012 at 5:21 pm
Daisy the Curly Cat — Yes, he should! That reminds me of the time I worked at a fast food restaurant and the sewage system backed up through pipes and the managers made us put bread bags over our shoes and continue working like that. Someone reported us (thankfully) and the Health Bureau showed up to close us for the day. Gross!
Karen — Indeed!
Newbuffalomom — Oh, yes, I’d like to know what he sees. Or do I? Maybe not.
Lin — I sent your comment around to others. I just can’t get over that guy with obvious explosive diarrhea. The first thing I would do is call my husband for a change of clothes and a long coat to put over me, even if it was in the middle of summer. And why, oh why, did he have it on his hands? As for the nose picker, I just lost my lunch.
Grant — I cracked up when you said “Shoeless Joe” because I was just thinking that’s what we should call Weird Guy from now on.
Pricilla — LMAO. I don’t blame you. But I bet even goats are less weird when it comes to bathroom issues, even if the world is your bathroom.
Ron — “…even if I were wearing a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s” Har! If I were a guy, I don’t know if I could use a urinal. That concept to me — doing your business in front of others — is just about the most embarrassing thing I can think of. I don’t know how men do that. I really don’t. I laughed about the prostate problems. Yes, maybe that’s his issue. But still, if the light goes out, you wave your arms around to make it go back on again!!!!
D. Duplessis — Yes, you’re lucky you can use your own bathroom at work. Truly a godsend. I don’t know, I think the second guy was so freaked out, he left that bathroom and went to another floor. No one wants to ask him what his deal is.
Nanny Goats — Bathroom carnival! I’m up for it! There’s always so much interesting stuff going on in public restrooms, isn’t there? Bleh.
May 25th, 2012 at 8:58 am
eeee…this is so irking….take the shoes off to let your socks touch the bathroom floor. Why on earth would you do that. This guy surely is driving me out of my mind.
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May 25th, 2012 at 11:03 am
Hey Kathy, I really really wanna know what his deal is…send me his email or phone number and I’ll be more than happy to contact him and find out what he’s doing!
D. Duplessis´s last blog post ..Where the hell did my libido go?
May 25th, 2012 at 2:12 pm
That is a very weird man. Imagine putting his damp socks back into his shoes. Yuck! I was going to say what Ron said about the length of time he spends in there but, as you say, he could have waved his arm around to get the light back on.
Slightly off track. I went somewhere once and entered the men’s toilet by mistake. There was a single toilet and to the side there was, what looked like a large, round, empty pond in it. All tiled but empty. When I asked what it was, I was shocked to hear it was a communal urinal. I can just picture it. All standing together around this thing and peeing into it. Splashing everyone as you go!
I used to think that men were lucky to have such a convenient way to pee. Not so now.
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May 25th, 2012 at 2:29 pm
Hilarious AND disgusting!
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May 25th, 2012 at 11:41 pm
There’s all levels of creepy in that story.
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May 26th, 2012 at 6:34 pm
Those are some crazy incidents. Turning off the lights would freak me out! Luckily, I’m a girl and have completely different problems. 🙂
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May 26th, 2012 at 8:26 pm
There was a guy at work once upon a time who when he would go into a stall and sit – took his pants entirely off, rolled them into a neat little package and set them on the floor off to the side. It never occurred to me to ask if he put his shoes back on .. no clue. But it’s obvious that some people have some really strange potty habits.
May 27th, 2012 at 4:44 am
One important detail was missing from your (wonderfully entertaining) account of the wacky world of Weird Guy: Was he wearing shoes when he was standing in the men’s room in the dark?
If he is concerned about … negative spillover effects, let’s just say … he must be double-concerned about this problem if he is trying to conduct his business in the dark.
Any chance you could conduct and then upload a video interview with Weird Guy? Would love to hear a bit more about what is going on inside his head. :-/
May 29th, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I don’t remember where I saw it — but there was a guide to men’s room etiquette out there somewhere. Was a very funny discussion about rules us guys all need to follow in public bathrooms
May 29th, 2012 at 5:51 pm
Public bathrooms skeeve me. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to traipse around one in socks, let alone in the dark, especially with all that splashing going on. They should give Weird Guy his own bathroom. Maybe that’s his master plan.
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June 1st, 2012 at 2:01 pm
Strange fellow, maybe out of boredom he was curious as to how long it would take for the light to go out? To clue you in, there is a certain protocol when using the Mens’ Room , i.e leaving an open urinal between yourself and another gentleman, and the always popular; never speak to each other while doing your thing.
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June 4th, 2012 at 5:20 pm
So many inexplicable things in life, but this one is classic. Thanks for sharing!
July 6th, 2012 at 11:10 am
Ahaha!
Ok, I’m a poet and just chanced across this site and I almost swallowed my tea cup laughing!
This is funny!
….though…I don’t know…what are women like in loos?
Lordy!
Great post.
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