Dumpster Diving FAIL
Bizarre, Fun August 9th, 2012My mother is moving out of her apartment soon and so my sister, bless her heart, is doing the bulk of packing.
I’ve been supplying her with boxes from work and she’s picked up a bunch from places herself. But you never have enough boxes when you’re moving, do you?
We learned today that my mom’s apartment has to be vacated sooner than we thought, so our need for boxes just skyrocketed.
I told my sister I’ll just go drive around and dumpster dive. No problem.
Problem, meet Kathy. Kathy, meet problem.
My obstacles:
1. It had just rained. Hard.
2. Stores and businesses often flatten boxes to reduce the room they take up in the recycling containers. That means unless you’re Stretch Armstrong, you’re not getting at them.
3. Many places put their bins behind security gates and so they’re inaccessible.
But I was undeterred. I should have quit before I started.
At one place, I found a good-sized box, unflattened, lying right on the top of a heap. Except it was comingled with regular garbage.
Food garbage.
I put it in my car anyway.
I drove ten feet and the stinkage punched me right in the face and I had to put it back.
At another location, I found a giant unflattened box, but it’s too tall to be helpful, has no lid and it’s stupid and my sister probably won’t want it.
I put it in my car anyway and now I have to get rid of it because I’m dumb and don’t know how to shop properly for boxes.
I thought I hit the mother lode behind a strip mall, where I found boxes sitting under a roof. They are dry!
Except they turned out to be thick, wax-coated boxes used for produce and they were heavy as hell. They also had fruit and vegetable pieces stuck to them, which I’m sure I didn’t want to touch.
I did find a medium square box with handles (!!!!) in one dumpster, but I had trouble grabbing it out from under other things because the bin lid was too heavy and I needed a third arm.
I don’t have a third arm, so I used my head to hold it up.
And then rainwater from the lid splashed down upon me and right into the box. I had to let it go.
And now I’m wet. Wet dumpster diving is even less fun, I assure you.
Another dozen stops with no box to be had, I’m fed up and decide to go home.
On the way, I had a glimmer of hope when I approached a college campus where I thought there might be office paper boxes, computer boxes or any other freaking kind of box.
I instantly realized I was in the wrong place at the wrong time because I hit serious traffic, half of which were cops.
Why?
Because Michelle Obama is giving a speech at that college.
Of course she is.
On my dumpster diving night.
Even if I did try looking in their dumpsters, this is exactly the sort of thing that’d make CNN with a headline like, oh, I don’t know, Woman Suspected of Hiding Bomb in Dumpster Arrested Minutes Before First Lady Speech.
That’s it. I’m done. One and half hours of fruitless labor.
It could have been great. I could have had a thousand boxes. It could have been a Box Miracle.
Except for this, which I found at every other place I drove by.
So many, so tidy, so hands off.
You know what I’m going to ask now, don’t you?
Anyone got any boxes? I’ll come pick ‘em up. I swear I don’t smell like garbage anymore.
Stumble it!
August 9th, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I usually ask at a grocery store, especially in the produce department where they have apple and pear boxes which are sturdy, clean and have lids. But honestly, when I’m pressed for time I just go buy some at U-Haul or a storage place. They don’t cost that much, they often buy back the ones you didn’t end up using, and it’s worth it not having to schlep around smelly boxes or skulk behind store dumpsters.
Then again maybe you enjoy that kind of thing. 🙂
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August 9th, 2012 at 6:50 pm
Kathy, I work at Amazon in Breiningsville, where we use tens of thousands of boxes EVERY DAY. I wish I could get you some, but they would frown on that.
I do have two Super Big moving boxes in the garage that you can have. They are huge, and I think I can throw on a roll and dispenser of Packing Tape. I don’t work FRI/Sat, I can drop them somewhere 4 you. Email me 🙂
August 9th, 2012 at 6:55 pm
My mom moves pretty much every year (and yes, it does make me crazy), so we finally just sucked it up and bought some boxes from U-Haul. We carefully break them down and store them, then pull them back out when Mom decides she needs to move. Again.
August 9th, 2012 at 6:57 pm
I hear you. I hoard boxes.
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August 9th, 2012 at 6:59 pm
Kathy, WONDERFULLY written post, girl! You had me cracking up through the whole thing.
UGH, isn’t moving such a pain in the BUTT? Even me, with just a small studio apartment, with hardly any ‘stuff’, it was still a pain to move.
And you’re gonna kill me because I just tossed out FOUR nice boxes filled with products that I had delivered to my house, which was work related. I had so many boxes in this tiny apartment that I just had to get rid of them. But if I had known, I would have thrown them into a taxi cab and brought them to you 🙂
X
Ron´s last blog post ..Dropping My Drawers In Public
August 9th, 2012 at 8:21 pm
I have lots of boxes! They’ve been sitting in my damp, dusty, spider-infested garage for 12 years. When can you come and pick them up?
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August 9th, 2012 at 9:04 pm
When I moved the liquor store was like heaven to me and not because I needed to drink to get all that packing done. They set them all out at the front door and let people take them.
August 9th, 2012 at 10:41 pm
We’ve moved like 10 times in the last 22 years – matter of fact we just moved in June – bought boxes on-line and the rest from the mover – I’m about to unpack the last of them (my bookcases just got delivered)- so I will have about 20+ book boxes all empty and ready for re-cycling – unless you’d like to come down to VA to get them…
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August 10th, 2012 at 3:34 am
Impetua — I cracked up at your comment. “Skulk” is exactly right. I felt like a hobo digging through trash (no offense to hobos), and wondered exactly how many security cameras were catching me in the act. I’ve decided to go with Lowe’s. A gal on Facebook said they sell boxes cheap and my Lowe’s opens at 6AM, so I’m in business!
Chris — Oh, to have access to so many boxes! I do wonder what places like that do with the boxes. I sure hope they reuse them. Otherwise, what a waste. Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll be OK now. Got a tip about Lowe’s selling them cheap. The bonus is that they’ll be clean and I won’t have to pick lettuce leaves off them.
absepa — OMG. I hate moving. If I knew someone who moved that often, I’d make myself scarce. Or pay for someone else to do it. Have I mentioned I hate moving?
sharkbytes — So, is this like a problem? Or are you proud of your cache of boxes?
Ron — Glad you enjoyed it (and of course I was happy to have something new to write. You know how bothered I’ve been about my writer’s block. If I got all stinky from diving, it was worth it for the post!) It’s funny you say that even when you live in a small space, there’s still plenty of stuff. This is happening with my mom. She lived in a small apartment and she never hoarded and yet we need more and more boxes. Why?!?!?! It’s just insane. You think it’s not much, but it is! Laughing at the thought of a cab showing up here full of boxes. You crack me up.
Laura — Oops, sorry. I’m good now. Lowe’s sells them and I’m going to pick up a bunch this morning. I can’t help you with your boxes. They’re hard to get rid of, aren’t they? You just never wanna throw out a good box.
Samantha — My sister did get some from liquor stores, we were going to try again today, but then someone on Facebook came through with a Lowe’s recommendation. I’m going to get some from there this morning.
Grace — OMG. How could you stand it? I hate moving! Not to mention I’m getting too old for this. Worried I”ll throw my back out or something. OMG. 20 book boxes? I love that you have that many books. How delightful!
August 10th, 2012 at 5:23 am
Maybe you should have worn your clown-suit to dig through the trash. That way, if anyone saw you, they would not recognize you!
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August 10th, 2012 at 6:59 am
What has the world come to when you can’t even find a decent used box anymore? Perhaps a little online shopping is in order? Not because you need the stuff, but because you need the boxes? (I use that as an excuse all the time…)
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August 10th, 2012 at 7:56 am
How have you not mentioned this to me? Do you know how many new machine setups I’ve done in the last 2 weeks, where I could have grabbed those boxes for you? I’ve got a few more coming up, so I’ll hold on to some if you want…
August 10th, 2012 at 9:26 am
Daisy is soooooo very smart!
I eat boxes so I would have been of no help except to burp occasionally.
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August 10th, 2012 at 10:20 pm
Um, BUY BOXES? You’ve got to be kidding. Totally for suckers! Not to mention, a waste of money and bad for the planet.
Grocery store, while they’re stocking the shelves, usually at night. Any size, any type you need. Clean, free, and you’ll make someone’s day, since they won’t have to flatten them, which they do neatly, so if you miss stocking time, pop them back together with the tape gun you’re already using to seal the tops.
Ask nicely at any state store too. They save them just for that purpose and usually have more than will fit in your vehicle…
Sorry you got dirty dumpster diving. That’s never going to work–they’re recycleable cardboard, so the only ones you’ll find there are nasty soiled food ones that can’t be recycled…and ones that are crushed for the recycle truck.
August 11th, 2012 at 4:50 am
Daisy the Curly Cat — Har, Daisy. That’s very funny. Can’t you just picture that? Of course, I did wonder how many surveillance cameras I appeared on that night. If I was a clown, one of two things would have happened. The people looking at it would have found it hilarious, or they could have called the coppers.
Boom Boom Larew — I know! That’s exactly what I was thinking! But I told my sister I thought that it was easier years ago because no one ever recycled anything. I found those flattened, banded cubes of cardboard everywhere, which is a good thing I guess. I hope it means they’re recycling!
Grant — I should have, but I thought we could get enough by other means in the time we thought we had. It wasn’t until we had a sudden move date change that we had to kick it into high gear. If I ever need boxes again, you’re it!
Pricilla — You slay me. I bet boxes give you a lot of fiber. Some day I should look up exactly what a goat can eat.
cg — Well, I did get 7 boxes from Lowe’s for only ten bucks, so I was pleasantly surprised. And we plan to keep them when they’re unboxed later. It’s nice because you can just flatten them out again and store. My sister did run around to grocery stores. She found egg boxes the best and the shelf stockers were all too happy to unload them on her. Yeah, I found nothing but gross ones in the dumpster and couldn’t access the clean ones. Although we did wind up using that tall narrow box I found for weirdly-shaped items. We were glad to use it anyway.
August 11th, 2012 at 9:24 am
Oh my…we have LOADS of boxes at work. I keep suggesting that we get a cardboard recycling bin, but nobody listens to me. EVER. Sigh.
I’d just suck it up and buy boxes at a storage place. It’s worth the money to get clean, strong, and big boxes meant for moving.
Good luck with moving Mom. That’s a tough one–physically and emotionally.
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August 11th, 2012 at 11:31 am
Office Max or Office Depot or any local copy place has been willing in the past to give up boxes – office paper with the nice lids.
Our Theory on Life´s last blog post ..True Joy
August 11th, 2012 at 6:38 pm
OMG Kathy – I LMAO reading your post – I didn’t know all of the details when you told me it took 1.5 hours for 1 tall box -which was a real find as it turned out. Thanks for trying. You’re the Best. The Sister
August 12th, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Kathy, this made me laugh out loud, especially at the possible headline news!
Finding boxes = total nightmare. The last time I moved, I sucked it up, and paid for boxes from a U-Haul company. And I stand by that decision, firmly!
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August 12th, 2012 at 8:33 pm
I think we have all been there. The last time I moved, I called Walmart and asked the overnight stocking manager to save me some boxes. It was a great idea, except most of the boxes were HUGE. So I checked with the local liquor store – the boxes are sturdy and of a reasonable size. The down side is everyone watching you carry Absolut, Ketel One and Sutter Home boxes will assume you have a raging alcohol problem.
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August 13th, 2012 at 1:15 pm
I bought a bunch of boxes many years ago from the storage place and I swear it’s worth it, we keep using them over and over. And I got the kind that you pop open and they are suddenly a box. And there are no lids, and you don’t need to tape the top because they you can fold them and slip in together very easily. Man, that makes all the difference in the world, not having to deal with tape. And when you’re done you just flatten them out again and store them in your garage until you (or someone else) needs them. AND they had handles! And they are the perfect size and they stack wonderfully because they are the same size.
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August 14th, 2012 at 3:50 am
lin — We used to have a giant dumpster at work, but now they’re replaced by much smaller trash and recycling bins. I think they flatten our boxes now. I’m lucky computer boxes come to me and I could salvage some. The move went well with the boxes I got from Lowe’s and I’m keeping leftover ones in the garage. It’s nice to have a small supply and they don’t take up any room! Yes, it was sad to empty out mom’s apartment. She was there 8 years with Dad.
Our Theory on Life — You know, I never thought of them. I did want the paper boxes with good lids, but never found any.
Marlene — Yes, that tall box turned out to be AWESOME, didn’t it? I was late getting to mom’s and mike had already moved that one to the truck. I hope nothing sticking out of it poked him in the eye!
meleah rebeccah — I thought of UPS or those “Mailbox” stores, but I didn’t want to pay the money and they wouldn’t have been open when I needed them. Try Lowe’s next time. Cheap and sturdy!
Kim — Har!
Nanny Goats — Exactly! Exactly! I put the leftovers in my garage. They fit nicely up against a wall. We taped only one of the boxes, but I bet we can still use them again. BTW, the handles on the Lowe’s boxes are placed at alternate spots so that you can carry them easier (they’re not in the middle, they’re on the edges). I love great ideas!
August 14th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
In my 46 years I can’t tell you the number of times I have moved and I’ve come to one conclusion either hire a moving company or forgo the endless searching for boxes and just give in and buy some.
L Havranek´s last blog post ..Just like Mr. Dangerfield, I’m going Back to School!
August 14th, 2012 at 9:50 pm
The problem with free boxes is the free cockroaches that come with them. They live in the boxes, they eat the glue, and they lay eggs in them. Even fresh boxes at an office supply store may have roaches in them. But getting boxes from a dumpster guarantees roaches. So, have a bucket of boric acid powder handy when you use those boxes. 😉
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August 15th, 2012 at 8:44 pm
Oh MANNNNNN! I unbox computers ALL WEEK LONG. Box after Box after BOX…. Come see me!!!! 🙂
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August 17th, 2012 at 6:42 am
I found the best place to find boxes is in the dairy department of the grocery store. Ask them for egg crate boxes. They are great for packing clothes because they have handles on the sides and are very sturdy. Ask them what days they will have the most. Hopefully before they collapse them!
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August 17th, 2012 at 9:35 am
Ha! Great post (love the part about becoming a headline due to the First Lady speech).
Daughter is moving to her own apartment/townhouse Sept 1st, so I am hoarding boxes at work; the most perfect are the ones that our paper comes in. Perfect size, stack great and have lids. I scored 15 of them – and we still need more! I told her in no uncertain terms is she allowed to throw any away when she unpacks…. I can always use them afterward (my basement is full of them).
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August 18th, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Liquor stores, my dear. Liquor stores. Plus, you know, you can actually buy boxes from U-Haul and the like.
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August 19th, 2012 at 4:25 am
L. Havranek — I’ll know for next time, especially a larger move. Mom doesn’t have a ton of stuff, so I thought I could get by with finding a half dozen in the garbage. Well now, when I say it like that….. Ew.
Marvin — OMG. So gross. And I’m certain the produces ones I found were a hazard. I just couldn’t see putting my mom’s dishes in a box that had food stuck to them and laid outside for God knows how long. Bleh.
Katherine — And I have access to computer boxes all the time too! And yet they weren’t enough! I wish I’d been able to predict the future, because otherwise, I’d have collected for two months instead of two weeks and then I wouldn’t have had to stick my head in clouds of garbage smell.
Lizzy — I was at the store yesterday and smiled at the guy unloading egg cartons and flattening the boxes on his cart. I’m sure he wondered why I was smiling at him. He followed me around a little after. I think he thought I was sweet on him.
Maureen — Good to see you Maureen! Long time! You hit the mother lode with paper boxes. I could only find one of those in two weeks’ time. There are never enough of those (it doesn’t help that people always hoard those for themselves). I would keep ’em too. You ALWAYS need them.
J. Bear — I know, I know. Liquor stores. I never thought of those before, but they must have been mentioned 10x here. I’ve learned so many box lessons from this. Thanks!
August 22nd, 2012 at 12:17 pm
I find the liquor store to be a useful place to get boxes but then is anyone surprised that I find the liquor store to be useful? I didn’t think so.
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August 31st, 2012 at 8:11 am
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