Just Don’t Do It
Stupid things I do February 23rd, 2013
It is possible to make a quick stop at the grocery store on a full bladder, for just a few things, but pick up more things than you planned and all heavier than you should carry on one arm, stacked precariously, and then run into a woman you used to work with thirteen years ago, and you really did want to see her, and then stand in the middle of an aisle wearing a winter coat and gloves, and catch up on those last thirteen years for half an hour, on a full bladder (in case you forgot), and the items you’ve been holding on your arm like a Jenga game now feel like they weigh 58 pounds and you’re trying to think of how not to pass out because oh my God you’re wearing a parka, not pee in your pants because full bladder, politely end the conversation, say your goodbyes, give a hug, and not drop the Jenga tower all over the floor.
Yeah. It can be done. But I don’t recommend it.
Stumble it!
February 23rd, 2013 at 12:01 pm
Wow! You are a rock star, Kathy! I don’t know if I could have done that in your situation — or pants. 🙂
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February 23rd, 2013 at 12:38 pm
But what about the beautiful relief once you get home? It’s almost worth the suffering 🙂
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February 23rd, 2013 at 12:48 pm
You have better bladder control than I. If it were me, I know I wouldn’t even have stopped at the store in the first place!
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February 23rd, 2013 at 2:07 pm
well done for staying so calm and collected
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February 23rd, 2013 at 2:07 pm
My coworkers laugh when I use the bathroom before my 1.1 mile drive home. YOU NEVER KNOW.
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February 23rd, 2013 at 4:52 pm
My bladder was full as I read your post while sitting through lunch in a restaurant by myself and I couldn’t leave the table because the food had arrived. TMI? I survived it though. I thought, “If Kathy can do it, so can I.” 😉
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February 23rd, 2013 at 7:49 pm
Kathy, I was laughing through this whole post, because something VERY similar happened to me one night this week, I kid you not. I went grocery shopping after work with a FULL bladder because I didn’t feel like using the restroom at work, and just thought I’d go when I got home. But the second I got outside and felt the freezing temperature, it made me have to pee even more!
I too went to the store to only pick up a few things, but ended up buying TWO bags, which mostly contained canned goods so they were SO heavy.
Well, by the time I walked home (13 city blocks) I had to go to the bathroom so bad, the second I got into my apartment, I ripped my pants down (still in my hat, coat and gloves) and ran to the toilet.
Ahhhhhhhhhh….such RELIEF!
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February 23rd, 2013 at 7:54 pm
Wow! Well done.
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February 23rd, 2013 at 8:30 pm
Sounds exactly like when backpacking on a roadwalk and some homeowner comes out and wants to chat while you stand there with 40 pounds on your back, with no where to sit down unless you plop on the ground and you need to pee and they don’t ask you if you’d like a cold drink, or a bathroom, but they want your life history and to know why you choose to backpack, but never suspect that it might be to get away from people like them.
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February 24th, 2013 at 6:50 am
Bryan — Thanks! It’s all mental, baby. When the alternative is a crashtastrophe with cleanup in Aisle 9, and the threat of being banned from the store, your power through.
Babs — Yes! And what sweet relief it was! Almost worth it. Almost. And it wasn’t just my bladder. My left arm was involuntarily shaking for 10 min after I unloaded the stuff. Soooo heavy! You know, it occurred to me last night that this is now the third post I’ve written about being in a tight situation with a full bladder. Maybe I should plan better.
Karen — I knew it was risky. Especially because I have a hard time going into this particular store (Wegmans) and coming out with only the things I needed. Had I not run into that woman, I’d have been golden. Lesson learned.
Ellie — I should have been an actress. The woman I was talking to had no idea the level of pain I was in.
Kim — So true. Tell them my story the next time they laugh at you.
Mad Mom Beyond Indiedom — See, Junk Drawer helps people. My job here is done.
Ron — I laughed so hard at your comment, Ron. I can just picture you finally making it home and making a mad dash to the bathroom, pants down around your ankles with your gloves and coat still on. You look ridiculous. Thank you for the vision, my friend.
Lovelyn — Thank you. I’m just really glad I bothered to eat breakfast before I left the house, because otherwise I really would have passed out and is it true you lose bladder control when you’re unconscious? Can you imagine? No, don’t.
sharkbytes — EXACTLY! Had I known I’d be standing there so long, I’d have dumped all my stuff on a shelf and took off my coat. But you never think you’ll be there that long. “Just a minute….” It’s never a minute.
February 24th, 2013 at 10:12 am
My Mommeh says it is always important to take a bladder check before you go anywhere, just in case! I usually get busy playing and then have to race upstairs at the very last second.
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February 24th, 2013 at 11:01 am
Ah, this reminds me of a drive to NYC a few years ago, when I thought my bladder was 20 years younger than its real age. Two cups of coffee, 16 oz of water, and an hour later, on the road to New York.
Fast forward to the NJ Turnpike…somehow, I thought I’d seen rest stops all the other times I drove there.
The Lincoln Tunnel was a torture somewhere out of a Stephen King novel…reminiscent of the “The Stand,” but I had a car full of live people, not rotting corpses.
Finally, onto 42nd St, experiencing pain I would not wish upon my second worst enemy…maybe only my worst. Needless to say, I am so thankful that the parking lot I aimed for (with no regard to traffic laws) had a spot and that the Port Authority terminal was right across the street.
February 24th, 2013 at 11:49 am
Oh, it’s a given….the minute you look your worst, have to pee, AND you have your arms full–that’s when you run into folks you know….who want to chat. Ugh.
I don’t take chances anymore–I pee before I leave to go anywhere. (I hate that sensation of having to go and you can’t) And no matter how I’m dressed, I toss on some lipstick.
You did well–I think I would have peed in my pants.
February 24th, 2013 at 4:15 pm
I am DYING laughing, Kathy! Tooo funny!
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February 24th, 2013 at 7:36 pm
Grocery stores have public restrooms! I know this because I often stop for coffee at the beginning of my 60-to-90 minute drive home and then do my grocery shopping towards the end of the drive.
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February 25th, 2013 at 11:31 am
Hi Kathy, that is an interesting point about meeting an old friend on a quick stop to the supermarket on a full bladder…sorry…gotta run! I hope i make to the bath….
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February 25th, 2013 at 5:59 pm
Daisy the Curly Cat — Your mommeh gives good advice. But I bet it’s easy for you to forget to go tinkle because I envision you playing all day, except for the 18 hours you nap.
BabaBooey — Holy hell, that was painful to read. I suspect you injured an important body part holding it that long. OMG, Bill.
Lin — I remember thinking before the nursing home after visiting my mom “I should really go.” But somehow I thought the extra minute it would take was going to eat into my time. Never again. I’m going to go when I gotta go!
Meleah Rebeccah — And so when we meet up in the next few months, feel free to ask me “Kathy? Gotta go? You should go? We’ll wait.”
Laura — You’re too smart for me. I would have never thought to dart into the restroom at Wegmans. That would have been too easy.
Mike — Hee.
February 27th, 2013 at 10:44 pm
Everybody has the same problem. It gets worse with age and you’re right, sometimes it’s mental and there’s nothing you can do about it but give it up as soon as you can. You learn as you get older to go as soon as you hit the door to the store. When all else fails, let loose with the gusher, grab the arm of the person who has totally disrespected the needs of your bladder and exclaim loudly, “Are you peeing down my leg?”
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March 2nd, 2013 at 6:19 pm
This is not the time to start practicing Kegel moves now is it.
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March 4th, 2013 at 2:45 pm
This was too funny and too true and I absolutely loved it.
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June 18th, 2013 at 2:28 am
I’m not sure a man could do this.
Mind you, I read once that boobs are proof that men can concentrate on more than one thing at a time, but even that is just two things, not your Jenga pile. 🙂
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