PurexOK, so tonight I get ready to do a load of laundry. I dribble the last drops, and I mean only drops, of the last jug of liquid detergent in the washer.

Grab a new bottle I just bought and go to unscrew the cap.

It doesn’t budge.

At all.

Why? Because it appears to be sealed to the top of the bottle. I’m pretty sure this has never happened in the history of laundry-doing, but of course it happens to me.

There’s a sliver of a gap between the cap and jug, but not even scissors can unhinge its grip on the bottle.

I quickly decide not to use scissors to get the cap loose because I just don’t want to explain to an ER doctor how it happened that I’m missing a couple fingers over laundry.

So I decide one load of clothes with barely any detergent in it is good enough.

But.

Now I want to return the bottle to the store where I bought it because it’s a giant economy size that cost kind of a bundle and I really want to use it.

You know when I get it to the store, tell the clerk “This won’t open,” that they’ll grab hold of the cap, turn it, and it’ll come right off.

You know it will.

Because me.

Stumble it!