All That and a Bag of Chips
embarrassing, food, Stupid things I do May 14th, 2013So you know how you’re goin’ along eating your favorite potato chips, Lay’s Salt & Vinegar, and you’re making good time, but you probably ate so fast that you jammed a chip up into your gum line and say “Ouch, dammit” but then you just keep eating anyway?
And because now you probably poked a hole in your gums, the salt and vinegar is like throwing gasoline on a fire and your mouth really hurts and you’re like “I should probably stop eating these” but you can’t because Salt & Vinegar chips are your most favoritest kind of chip and before you know it, the bag is empty?
And then the next day your gum still hurts, on fire actually, and it’s painful to eat anything else and you’re like “OMG, what a dumbass. Should have stopped eating those chips.”
And then like a week or two goes by and this bastard still hurts and now you’re starting to worry that there’s part of a chip stuck under your gum, getting all infected and now the infection is going to travel through your bloodstream and kill you just about the time you land in Paris for the first leg of your long-awaited vacation and you wonder “How do you say “I think I’m dying” in French?”
So then you call the dentist and ask for an emergency visit to see if there is a chip stuck up under there and the receptionist writes “Check patient for potato chip” in the log book and the dentist and his hygienist greet you laughing when you show up to have it looked at?
And then the dentist takes a look and says “Wow, you really messed that up in there. From a potato chip? Remarkable.”
And you’re like “Well, I really like those chips.” And he’s all “You really injured your palate, but it’s healing OK” and says to the hygienist “Here, take a picture” and tells me “We take pictures of everything now” and then “Do you wanna see it? and I’m like “Um. No. I know what I did, thank you.”
Yeah, that happened.
Stumble it!
May 14th, 2013 at 5:45 pm
My gums now hurt from just reading this. And my sides hurt from laughing. Better you than me. :0
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May 14th, 2013 at 5:58 pm
I stopped eating crisps. They’re too damn dangerous! The times I’ve ended up with an ulcer from doing that! Rinsing your mouth out with warm, salt water is the thing to do. It’s a ‘fix all’ for the mouth.
I’ve never known anyone go to the dentist to check for a crisp stuck in the gum! Only you!
Babs´s last blog post ..What a difference 12 days make
May 14th, 2013 at 6:22 pm
I will totally avoid eating salt & vinegar chips should I feel any sharp pains while doing so, solely based on this blog entry.
I had a bad experience once eating a Milk Dud, so I can relate.
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May 14th, 2013 at 6:35 pm
Well, you should probably learn to say “I think I’m dying” in French anyway. That way you ensure that you won’t need to say it.
May 14th, 2013 at 7:13 pm
That would never happen with chocolate chips. Just sayin’
May 14th, 2013 at 7:28 pm
This is America. You and your lawyer could probably make a bundle suing the Lays Corporation. At the very worst, you could settle out of court for all the Salt and Vinegar chips you want for the rest of your life.
Think about it.
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May 14th, 2013 at 7:29 pm
And by the way, Babs? What the hell is a “crisp”? This is an American blog by a fine, upstanding American humorist (you’re welcome, Kathy). If you’re going to comment, please use proper English.
Chris´s last blog post ..Revlon 5K for Women’s Cancer, Los Angeles
May 14th, 2013 at 7:54 pm
Because I understand the moral of this story is that you will continue to eat Lay’s Salt and Vinegar chips:
Je pense que je vais mourir. (pronounced: Je pawnce ker je vay moo-rear)
I think I am going to die. In French. Just in case.
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May 14th, 2013 at 8:59 pm
Well, I happen to be VERY impressed with your dedication to the chips AND to making history at your dentist’s office. I mean,they actually took PHOTOS of the damage–that’s pretty cool.
Good job, Kathy!
Lin´s last blog post ..Milestones, schmilestones.
May 14th, 2013 at 10:33 pm
You’re talking to a woman who thought she was having a heart attack after working out at the gym. After telling me I was putting on weight nicely for a woman my age, he explained I pulled a muscle in my chest. Exercise is the devil.
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May 15th, 2013 at 4:04 am
injaynesworld — It is better me than you because I don’t know anyone else who would want this life. It’s a circus.
Babs — I agree. I once almost choked to death on a Dorito. Very scary. Chips/crisps should be fun to eat, not a reason to go to the ER or the dentist. And yes, only me. Maybe you should just feed me soft foods when we visit?
Impetua — Yes, save yourself! And now I wanna know about your Milk Dud experience. I don’t know why, but that comment made me laugh like a hyena and I don’t even know the context.
Joan — And thanks to Nicky’s comment, I do now!
BabaBooey — You know what would make a good combination? Chocolate chips and salt & vinegar chips. I love the salty/sweet combo. Sorry, that probably just totally grossed you out. But I would still eat it.
Chris — Ha! Like Kramer on Seinfeld with the hot coffee! I’m on it. And regarding Babs’ use of “crisps” for “chips”, there’s gonna be a whole lotta “I don’t understand you” when we visit her and Mo at the end of the month. So chips over there are fries, right? p.s. Congrats on your fitness and weight loss. I just looked at your before and after pictures on your blog. Holy hell, you done good.
Nicky — I’m totally going to butcher that if I try pronouncing it, but thank you anyway. Maybe I’ll just make the international sign for choking or something. At least it’ll get me looked at quickly.
Lin — It just occurred to me that maybe they were lying when they said they “take pictures of everything now.” Maybe they really only take pictures of the weirdos who walk through the door.
Mrs. Tuna — Agreed. Exercise is the devil. It’s how I get all my injuries (shoulder, knees and elbow). My advice? Stop doing it.
May 15th, 2013 at 5:42 am
This is hilarious! I am at least safe from this mishap since I don’t eat any potato chips anymore, at least only rarely. Glad you dentist found it amusing! I’m surprised you didn’t ask for a copy of the picture to post on your blog.
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May 15th, 2013 at 6:36 am
That’s hysterical. You made my morning. That said, salt and vinegar chips? Yuch!!
Enjoy the rest of your trip!
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May 15th, 2013 at 7:34 am
Je suis meurs de rire
May 15th, 2013 at 8:10 am
Ouch! I know what that feels like. Yet I keep wanting to eat them… This post is making me relieve that searing, yet delicious pain. Funny post 🙂
May 15th, 2013 at 9:22 am
“the receptionist writes “Check patient for potato chip” in the log book and the dentist and his hygienist greet you laughing when you show up to have it looked at?”
Kathy, you CRACK ME UP, girl!!!
I’ve never had this happen to me, but I have cut my gum while eating a bag of potato chips because I like “Kettle Chips” which are so hard and sharp – OUCH!
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May 15th, 2013 at 9:54 am
Mmmm, potato chips. You should be like a goat. We have a hard palatte for grinding and no teeth on top.
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May 15th, 2013 at 3:53 pm
Ut oh….I can see a worldwide ban on Salt and Vinegar chips now!!
The Florida Furkids and Mom Sharon
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May 15th, 2013 at 4:26 pm
Oh, Kathy!!! I am hysterical laughing WITH you!
“We take pictures of everything now” – Wow even the dentists of the world are taking photos of everything these days? I wonder if your picture of ‘gums injured by potato chips’ is floating around Instagram somewhere?
Also, you totally should have gotten a copy of that photo and posted it here!
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May 15th, 2013 at 4:37 pm
Karen — I think my dentist is going to forbid me to eat chips from now on. That and popcorn. He says never eat popcorn. I don’t regret not getting the picture. I didn’t even want to see it because I’m not enamored with the idea of looking at my own gums when they’re not all butchered up!
June O’Hara — Aw, thanks June. And thanks again for sharing the post. I love Salt & Vinegar chips. It’s like a good kind of pain, you know?
Jaffer — Glad it made you laugh (and thank God for Google Translate or I would have no idea what you just said.)
Jean — “searing yet delicious” They should put that right on the bag. I just can’t decide if it’s a warning or a selling point.
Ron — I can NEVER eat those kettle chips! OMG. They’re the worst (or the best, depending on how you roll).
Pricilla — Awesome. Where do I sign up?
The Florida Furkids — And you know I’ll be to blame. For that and the loud Sun Chips bag. Remember that fiasco?
Meleah Rebeccah — Glad you liked it and I believe you that you were laughing with me, not AT me. Hee. I know. The hygienist took the picture. How do I know she didn’t just Tweet that out? Would be so easy and I wouldn’t be the wiser.
May 16th, 2013 at 6:32 pm
LOL! push through the pain… push through the pain.
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May 17th, 2013 at 10:37 am
Hahahah!
I can actually related to that. I often have the same issue, though not with chips but with pizza. Sometimes I take it out of the oven and I’m so eager to eat it that I do so even though it’s very hot. I burn ma palate but despite that, I keep on eating, telling myself that the next chew will be “different” cause I’m going to find a way to move the pizza around in my mouth so that it avoids the palate – of course this never happens, and I keep eating the hot pizza and making things worse.
This just happened to me about a week ago, and it took around 4 days for it to heal completely.
I’m making pizza again this weekend. I wonder if I’ve learned something.
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May 19th, 2013 at 9:51 am
Ouchie! My Mommeh can never stop eating hot spicy things, even when tears are running down her cheeks. Hope your mouth is feeling better soon!
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May 19th, 2013 at 2:15 pm
I thought I was the only one that stuff like that happened to. Thank you so much for your openness. Made me smile.
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May 21st, 2013 at 8:22 pm
I just did something similar with a pork chop…
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May 31st, 2013 at 2:29 am
Do they even do chips/crips in Paris??
The worst pain I’ve done to myself was to take a pee, having just diced the hottest chili pepper ever. My eyes still water thinking about it now.
Robert Morschel´s last blog post ..Read Online
June 6th, 2013 at 4:50 pm
Hahaha!!! I have a dentist just like that. I got a piece of overcooked bacon stuck up behind a tooth one time and he actually grinned as he yanked it out and held it up for inspection. I didn’t care – I was just so happy he found and removed it!!
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July 3rd, 2013 at 6:52 pm
The doctor wanted to show me live video of the inside of my colon while he did the endoscopy.
I told him “No Thanks Doc, I’ve seen enough assholes for this life time.
Should I have kept a Polaroid for my wallet? You know, for the Holidays with family. Hey here’s a pic of my new son, look at my new dog, check out my old colon.
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