Dearest Sister, Ann
embarrassing, Fun May 20th, 2008
Dearest sister Ann,
I know we share the same dentist, but I didn’t know you had an appointment with him yesterday. I also didn’t know you told him we auditioned for The Amazing Race.
Yeah, well, I had an appointment for a cleaning with him today.
Here’s how our conversation went, if you can call it that:
Dr. M.: So, I hear you hung out with your sister this weekend.
Me: (mouth pried open, jaw aching, sucky thing hanging out of my mouth) Uh?
Dr. M.: You’re trying out for The Amazing Race!
Me: Aaggh, yah.
Dr. M.: I think it’s great you’re doing this! Most people just say they’re going to try something wild like that.
Me: Mm-hmm.
Dr. M.: So how’s that work?
Me: Wewwl, oo fiwl ow aa abblicashun and mayg a vieeodabe.
Dr. M.: No, I mean, how do you run the race?
Me: Oh, wewwl, oo run fum sheckpoin do sheckpoin doing crachzie dasks ‘n puzzlesh tying do bead all da uddu teamsh bag do da sheckpoin.
Dr. M.: That’s nuts!
Me: Wewwl, we yike do shink we can do ut.
Dr. M.: That sounds like a friend of mine who’s training for a triathalon. You have to be kind of crazy for that, but I really admire her.
Me: Aag, shash grade!
Dr. M.: Do you think you have a chance to get on?
Me: Bobbabby nod.
Dr. M.: Well, I still think it’s awesome you’re trying.
Me: Shanks.
Dr. M.: You have a cavity. Spit. Rinse.
Thanks a lot, Ann, for giving Dr. M. something to talk to me about while I’m at my most incoherent. It was so much fun for me.
Sincerely,
Your mumbling, drooling, cavity-head sister.
Stumble it!
May 20th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Ha! I am once again the first to comment!
I had probelms understanding your drooling, mumbling speech.
Me: Aag, shash grade!
Especially this. What are you saying? Could you give me a translation?
May 20th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
That whole dentist small talk thing never ceases to amaze me . It’s like the gynecologist asking you to demonstrate a dance step.
Sue’s last blog post..Suckiest Chaperone Award
May 20th, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Regan — Gee, wasn’t is obvious? For those who don’t speak mumble-mouth, that was “Ah! That’s great!”
Sue — I know! I prefer to be mute when I’m in the chair. In fact, I’d like to be sleeping. Just wake me when I need to pay the bill.
May 20th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Wait! I’m pretty sure that’s what I sound like after one too many beers…..
May 20th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Ha ha ha! That’s so true of dentists! I wonder if part of their training covers learning to understand this strange language of their patients.
Babs – beetle’s last blog post..Major Entrecard Updates
May 20th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Wewwl, we yike do shink we can do ut.
Oh, mercy. I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. That’s EXACTLY what I sound like at the dentist!
Kathy you are unhinged. In a totally good way.
Jenny’s last blog post..The Man From Indiana, Pennsylvania
May 20th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
L0L ! That was halairous !
May 20th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Dentists engage their patients in conversation because they are sadistic. No other reason.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Ahahahahaha! I don’t think my dentist has ever talked to me in that situation! LOL I had to re-read it a few times to understand … says a lot about your dentist that he even understood you!!!
DrowseyMonkey’s last blog post..I’m a Widgetaholic
May 20th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
So funny!
Tips for anyone that couldn’t understand: listen (or read) with the feeling of your mouth being proded about. It’s like “listening with an accent”. It works every time and I totally understood what you were saying. 🙂
But I do wonder why dentists like to ask questions when clearly the patient cannot answer.
Stephanie’s last blog post..that isn’t helping
May 20th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Why do they do that? They always wait until they have their hands in your mouth to ask you a question? It drives me insane. So I started bringing my iPod in and I crank it up when I lean back with my mouth open so I can’t hear them. It is like that Bill Cosby bit about the dentist. That gets me every time.
Vegas Princess’s last blog post..One More Thing
May 20th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
ppppffffttttthahahhahaha You are a freak! lol Too funny! It’s almost scary that you could actually type out the conversation well enough for us to understand it…bwahahhaha
I love the reference to that being like a gyno asking for you to demonstrate a dance step. lol
Lori’s last blog post..I’m bringing “SOXY” back!
May 20th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
All dentists have this talent. I think it is just a skill they develop over time. The problem with my dentist is that he spends ten minutes talking to me before the appointment about non-related dental stuff. I think he thinks we are friends. Not sure why. Here’s a thought, when he asks you a question the next time just respond in gibberish and see if he just keeps talking like he knows what you said!
Tiffany’s last blog post..Cat can’t jump
May 21st, 2008 at 4:26 am
BabaBooey — Ha! It’s basically the same language. Although one is more fun to speak.
Babs (beetle) — Honestly. They know. I sit there thinking “This can’t be getting through.” But he gets it. It really is a skill!
Jenny — We ALL sound like that. It’s the Language of the Drool.
Jaffer — I chuckle thinking about the situation. After.
Mama O — I figure they’d be bored if no patients talk to them, but really, I’d rather be mute the whole time. There no talking in dentistry!
DrowseyMonkey — He’s awesome. But I wish if we were going to chat, he’d ask me only yes/no answers so I could just grunt my responses.
Stephanie — I do think they’re just bored. And they’re two inches from your face, so maybe they think it would be rude not to engage the patient? I wouldn’t be offended if he said nothing to me until “Spit and rinse.”
Vegas Princess — Ooo! The iPod Defensive! I usually try to get all my talking in when my mouth isn’t full of hands and sharp things. But then I want to be quiet during the procedure. Timing is everything.
Lori — Not sure if I succeeded there because that’s only how it sounded to me, and you know my brain works differently than everyone else on the planet. Yes! “Dance step” was a perfect analogy!
Tiffany — My dentist is such a good guy, he’d probably nod politely at my gibberish and keep talking anyway. You know, if I could just sit there with my laptop, I could type out answers. My hands do just fine. My mouth is the problem!
May 21st, 2008 at 6:29 am
ROFL! Yes, that’s what my dentist does too! He’s a great guy, but he does like to talk and ask questions while his hands are in my mouth! OH thinks it’s his warped sense of humour.
‘Bobbaddy nod’ LOL!
Jay’s last blog post..Favourite toys
May 21st, 2008 at 8:25 am
1) Favorite line: Bobbabby nod.
2) Prepare for more of this notoriety/questioning thing.
3) Dentist Tuesday. Wordless Wednesday. Does it hurt THAT much?
4) If you have to keep anything from Megan in the future, you now have a cryptic means of doing so.
5) Looks like Jaffer’s Gravatar is no longer giving us ‘the finger.’
BigNerd’s last blog post..Make It Stop.
May 21st, 2008 at 8:44 am
Oh My Gosh – that was way too funny !!! I understood every word you blubbered. Plus Dr. M’s response is just as hysterical in that he understood every word you said which means he’s got years of experience understanding gibberish which also means he has no compunction about asking questions while his patients are open-mouthed…..thanks for the hysterics so early in my morning.
May 21st, 2008 at 8:50 am
For some reason I think running a triathalon or whatever-athon is way crazier.
Memarie Lane’s last blog post..Dr. Venue’s Frugal Tips
May 21st, 2008 at 8:54 am
Nice work. You’re very well versed in mumble-mouth! 🙂
May 21st, 2008 at 8:56 am
Hey Kathy,
I once sent in an application to be on Survivor..prolly a good thing they didn’t pick nme as I can’t swim.
rock on,
aitch
Harris Bloom’s last blog post..Open Mic Wisdom
May 21st, 2008 at 9:56 am
There’s a reason why dentists have one of the highest suicide rates of all professions. Can you imagine spending all day looking into nasty, stinky mouths? I think the attempts at conversation are early warning signs that they’re becoming unhinged.
By the way, Sue’s comment about the gynecologist made me spit Coke out of my nose. 😀
May 21st, 2008 at 10:26 am
Jay — Is there a polite way to signal “Can we finish this conversation up later?” I know of no way to get myself out of this predicament. Although I like Vegas Princess’ “iPod Defense.” I have to get myself an iPod now.
BigNerd — “Bobbabby nod” is also how I sound when I have a cold. It’s the Language of Congestion. Well, Regan’s pretty keen, but I think I have her all mixed up here. Good idea! I noticed we now have Jaffer’s face again. It’s Jaffer Classic!
Marlene — It’s absolutely a science that he understands mush-mouth. It’s not like he can even read lips, what with them spread out all over the place. God bless him.
Memarie Lane — Absolutely. You have to be in crazy-awesome shape for that. Amazing Race? Not as much, thankfully.
Jeff — It’s the only other non-native language I know.
Harris Bloom — That’s awesome. Could you actually imagine yourself doing that? We keep wondering just how bad we’d do.
Lee — No, I can’t, actually. I pity them. I mean, just think about it. And probably from people who only ever go to the dentist when they need to. Sue’s comment will be stuck in my head forever, esp. for my next visit when I’m sure I’ll be giggling the whole way through. I don’t want to have to explain myself. Hope my doc doesn’t ask what’s so funny.
May 21st, 2008 at 12:47 pm
It amazes me that dentists can actually undertand their patients. It must be a talent they pick up over the years.
In my Amazing Race update, the wife and I completed out packets and sent them in today. The process of the passports, applications, videos, recent photos and god knows what else was a exhausting as one of the legs of the race itself. Now we just sit back and wait to hear nothing. My heart goes out to the poor souls that have to actually watch all the video tapes.
Good Luck!!!
Bruce’s last blog post..Essential Cinema – 29
May 21st, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Hey, Bruce — Glad you got all your TAR stuff sent in! I’ll be waiting for nothing to happen as well. Wasn’t that application a trip?! 13 pages! It was fun to compare notes with Ann. Did you do the same? Can’t imagine watching all those tapes, either. After a while, I’m sure they all look the same, which is why you have to stand out. I’d love to see yours!
May 21st, 2008 at 1:49 pm
OMG Kathy, you never fail to crack me up! Hilarious!!!! Not only was your conversation funny, but I would have LOVED to watch you type and read back your post as you wrote it…. Har!!!
Maureen’s last blog post..It’s Like The Olympics, But Not
May 21st, 2008 at 3:21 pm
HA! Hahahaha. Yes, why DO they do that? It’s like Babs said, they must be specially trained to understand gibberish.
You did a great job of writing in “dental mouth speak.” I actually found myself saying some of the phrases out loud, and going, “Oh! Yeah.”
JD at I Do Things’s last blog post..I Am a Redhead so you don’t have to be
May 21st, 2008 at 3:42 pm
That is too funny!!!! There definitely is a different language spoken when you’re in the dentists chair!!!!
Hmmmmm……is sense the plastic bag has moved??????
KFJ’s last blog post..Update
May 21st, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Got here via Lin’s tweet. That’s just hilarious.
Rudy’s last blog post..Everyone’s Turning Hybrid – I Really Think So
May 21st, 2008 at 4:20 pm
I failed the dental school course, “Understanding Patients (while their mouth is full of your fingers)” so I have a hard time carrying on a conversation like that. My assistant is better at it.
I just talk to myself instead.
Periapex’s last blog post..I’m Perfect.
May 21st, 2008 at 4:20 pm
The TAR application process in itself was like a leg of the actual race, the application itself would be a good basis for a dinner get together with friends just to compare answers. Since we didn’t have an open casting call nearby, we had to scramble around and do the tape and all the passport paperwork in about 3 days. If nothing else we at least get our passports.
I hadn’t thought about posting the audition tape on U-Tube, but I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad idea. I might look into doing that this evening.
Considering the difficulty of the application and the fact that it isn’t very widely promoted, I am sure alot of people plan to apply but few actually do. I am hoping the competition isn’t as stiff as I fear. But regardless, this is a long shot for all of us.
Bruce’s last blog post..Essential Cinema – 29
May 21st, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Maureen — I have to admit, I was laughing very hard as I was reading it aloud. My husband was cracking up, too. Amazingly, he still understood me through my chuckling. I could barely get it out.
JD at I Do Things — I worried no one would understand what I wrote and then I’d have to post again with translation. Thank God you guys are so smart!
KFJ — Maybe my dentist should give patients a placard with frequently-used words and phrases on it and I can just point. Honest to God, I just want to be mute in the chair. Is that too much to ask? (The bag is still there).
Rudy — Glad you liked it and I’m happy to have been Tweeted!
Periapex — Ah, now that’s the way! Besides, don’t things move along much faster when nobody’s talking?
Bruce — See, Ann and I could never have whipped up a VHS tape. We didn’t have a clue what we’d say or how to film it. The stand-up gig at the audition was enough work. I’m impressed with what you accomplished in such a short time. That’s gotta count for something. And you’re right. The application process is some measure of work, and it probably makes some people say “Eh.” Would love to see your audition tape if you YouTube it. Let me know if you do!
May 22nd, 2008 at 7:54 am
The problem with not talking is that when it’s too quiet, my grumbling stomach becomes much louder…
Periapex’s last blog post..I’m Perfect.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:11 am
The application video for TAR – not sure if it helps us or hurts us.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df9NxEoOyKk
Bruce’s last blog post..Essential Cinema – 29
May 22nd, 2008 at 1:41 pm
The race is on….at least to the interview process. My recollections of the first leg on my latest blog. Warning: We will use dirty tricks to win. Best of luck.
Bruce’s last blog post..The Amazing Application
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Bruce- thanks for sharing your tape. You guys looked and acted natural. Good luck to you!
May 22nd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Periapex — Funny you mentioned that. As soon as I got in the chair (9AM) I regretted not having breakfast. I rumbled away for the next hour.
Bruce – I’ll watch the whole video soon. I’m impressed you got so much done so quickly. Good luck to you and may the best team win!
ann of the shampoo bag — Did it make you wonder how stupid we looked in our tape?
May 22nd, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Bruce — You guys did a great job! Wow! You were so relaxed and funny! So you’ve done geocaching?! That’s something I’ve thought of doing. Very cool! It was nice to “meet” you in the video. Good luck and let me know if you get The Call!
May 23rd, 2008 at 5:13 am
Kathy, Tell the truth: You must have had to re-enact that out loud in order to write it. Good job! It’s so easy for us to relate to that experience.
I hope you get selected for the race – I’d love to be able to tell people that I “know” you – even if it is only online. Of course we would want you to win too.
Here’s a great dentist sketch from another Master.
Kat
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBqY6cJD3CE
Poetikat’s last blog post..Clothes-shopping is fun?
May 23rd, 2008 at 3:52 pm
i understand your language perfectly (my mom works for a dentist)
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Poetikat — I did and it was funny! “Was that shink or sink?” I could have used a translator myself. I love that Cosby bit. I’ve seen “Himself” a thousand times and every time it cracks me up. Thanks for giving us a link to his dentist routine. Classic!
brooke — If you decide to become a dentist, just think how far ahead you’ll be in the Language of Drool!
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:16 pm
well im not im going for a crime scene investagator
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:59 pm
brooke — What? You don’t want to be a dentist and smell everyone’s gross breath all day long?
June 5th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
exactly why i dont want to be a dentist and i also dont want to see wat they had for lunch three weeks ago
November 16th, 2009 at 2:17 pm
Funny blog. It’s always interesting having a conversation at the dentist. Especially when all you want to do is hurry up and get out of there. The spelling was definitely great for a chuckle!