The Junk Drawer

Like everyone else, I enjoy kicking back on Sundays, reading the paper, puttering around and generally being lazy. It helps to take the downtime and rejuvenate my spirit before the craziness of another week begins.

I don’t recall where I read the following passage, but I jotted it down and tacked it up on my refrigerator, reading it on Sundays or whenever I feel the need for calm. Be sure to read it slowly and carefully, visualizing it for the greatest benefit.

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called “the world.” The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make
out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water.

I love food. No doubt about it. In fact, it appears I also love to write about food, as the Food category in my sidebar is the second most-tagged topic in this blog. Seeing that just scared me a little.

Like most people, it’s a daily battle to count calories, get enough exercise and not feel like a moo-cow every time someone brings food to the office. I’m usually the first in line to inspect what kind of goodies have been bestowed upon us. And whoever thinks fruit cup is a dessert doesn’t know how much better it could be dipped in chocolate.

When it gets really bad and I want to eat an entire family-sized bag of cheese curls for dinner, there is one tactic I’ve used on more than one occasion. THROW ALL OF IT IN THE TRASH. My friend J.D. over at I Do Things has a name for this, whenever she and her husband want to rid themselves of a certain crusty baked dessert they shouldn’t have. It’s called Pie Rage. Yep, just get all insane and throw the stuff out!

Now for all you people that think that’s a horrible thing to do, what with all the starving children in China, I ask you this: How is this bag of orange-colored snacks going to get to China? And it’s not going to be enough to feed everyone anyway, and I’m not even sure cheese curls qualify as food. It’s better off in the trash, and off my thighs.

This week Dave and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. To treat ourselves, I picked up the chocolate drip cake you see pictured above. I was trying out a new bakery in our neighborhood and that cake looked spectacular in the display case and I just had to have it.

Unfortunately, the cake looked better than it tasted. The cake part was dry as sand, and it made me question just how long it sat in the bakery before I arrived and salivated all over it. The icing looked so yummy and I assumed the cake that it enveloped would taste scrumpdillyicious. But I learned you can’t judge a cake by its icing.

We would have had no problem eating that whole thing over a few days, had it tasted better. You know how it’s tradition to hold the top layer of your wedding cake in the freezer and eat it on your first anniversary? No chance. We ate the whole thing in two days after returning from our honeymoon. I don’t know who thinks you can keep opening your freezer for the next 364 days and not dig into it. People who do that are just not right.

So what became of our anniversary cake? It went bye-bye in the next day’s trash. It felt sad to dump the whole thing out, but at least it saved us about 6,000 unwanted calories. The next time you want to skip exercising for a day, follow one simple step and throw out the food you were about to eat. There. Now you don’t have to burn it off. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

A couple years ago I noticed what looked like a smiley face on an overly-seasoned snack chip. That curious discovery led to an endless search for other food that looks like stuff.

Weeble Tomato Guy
Mr. Weeble came to me in a bag of home-grown tomatoes given to me by a colleague. His bottom began to dimple and he soon was unable to stand on his own. Weebles wobble and they DO fall down.

Yummy Yammy, The Elephant Man
Found this face in a yam from dinner. Random fork stabs happened to
give Elephant Man a set of eyes.

Meatloaf for Brains
Yummy Yammy accompanied this brain-like meatloaf.
As gross as it looks, it was quite tasty.

Kitty Cat Face
Dave found this kitty cat sleeping in his ice cream.

Garlic Knot Mitten
Submitted by colleague Jason Slipp. Taken with a camera phone, so it appears much larger than it actually was.

The Chip with Heart
Long forgotten in a kitchen cabinet (awaiting its submission to the site), this chip is eight months old. It’s remarkable to me that it withstood changes in temperature over the months and never showed signs of wearing down. Preservatives will kill us all.

Carrot Love
Reader Brad Price submitted this shot of two carrots in a loving embrace. Spooning isn’t just for humans anymore.

Bagel #9

Reader Heather Simoneau submitted this picture of a numeric and tasty bagel she found in a package of Thomas’ bagels.

If you were here on Sunday and joined the support group for people who are bothered by certain noises, you’ll know that Jeff from View From the Cloud invited people to join his local chapter, and I invited others to join here at The Junk Drawer. Since Jeff is scary-organized, he took meeting minutes and posted them on his blog.

Head on over and check ’em out. Just knock quietly before you enter.

What amazes me is the sheer number and odd nature of the noises that Jeff harvested from the comments that were left in his blog, my favorite of which is "hotdish ingredients being stirred." Of course, now that someone mentioned that, I’ll probably never make another casserole again.

I had no idea when I wrote my original post about my hyper-sensitive hearing skills that it would spawn such madness. I have Jeff to thank for suggesting this support group because clearly there are a lot of people in need of help.

To supplement Jeff’s list of noises that make our ears bleed, I’ve collected the ones left at the Pennsylvania chapter of our support group. Thank you Jeff, Marie, Regan, Peter, Maureen, JD, Terry, Cardiogirl, Gale, Steve, LindaF, MomThumb, and Bennie, for standing up and admitting your weaknesses.

The first step to recovery is realizing you have a problem. And, boy, do we have problems:

Pogo stick boings
Flyscreen security doors banging
People talking loudly
Cell phones (2)
Silence when trying to sleep
People clicking utensils against their teeth while eating
Snoring (2)
Excessive throat-clearing
Blaring car stereos (3)
Truck beeping while backing up
Clocks ticking
Alarm clocks
Mom’s nagging voice
Christmas tree lights that buzz
Styrofoam or cardboard rubbing against each other
24/7 Christmas-music radio stations

Cicadas/locusts/crickets (2)
Hockers and spitters
Whistlers
Elevator/store Muzak
Gum-poppers
Rap music
People who like to hear themselves talk
Screaming babies (2)
Fingernails on a chalkboard
Squeaky erasers

I’ll notify everyone of the next meeting when the time comes.

Until then, our group needs a name. When you head over to Jeff’s place, cast your vote in the comments box for one of these names suggested so far:

P.A.I.N. (People Annoyed with Incessant Noise)
Sounds without Bounds
S.L.A.P. (Sounds Leading to Aggravated People)
Noise without Joys
H.U.S.H. (Having Unusually Sensitive Hearing)

If you are visiting here for the first time and want to join, be sure to leave the noises that annoy you in the comments section. New members are always welcome, but don’t slam the door on your way out or someone will punch you in the face.