The Junk Drawer

In keeping with my new plan to stop being such a crankypants about everything, here’s something that deserves a hearty shout-out. I joined a friend of mine for lunch last week at the Caffeine Cafe, a great little eatery at 501 E. 4rd St., Bethlehem. Their menu includes sandwiches, wraps, soups, pastry and other goodies.

The owner, Dave Smith, takes great care of his customers and you feel welcomed as soon as you set foot in the door. It reminds me a lot of the Paris cafes my husband and I loved to visit. Caffeine Cafe has a wonderful relaxed atmosphere, you feel completely removed from the stress of the day. They even have free wireless access! Do yourself a favor and head over for your morning cup ‘o joe or a quick lunch. You won’t be disappointed.

I’ve been working through a food dilemma with the owner during my last few visits. On my very first visit, I hadn’t been able to decide on what to order off the menu. So I asked him to tell me what he liked on the menu. (When in doubt, always ask restaurant staff what they eat, since they’ve probably sampled everything). He said stuff he throws together for himself isn’t actually on the menu. I asked him to describe a typical sandwich he makes. It sounded great, so that’s what I ordered.

I promptly forgot what was in the sandwich by the next time I lunched there, so I had to ask him again "Can you make that sandwich I like?" He’s not 100% sure we’re in agreement on what I want, so I explain its contents as best I can remember, and he makes it up perfectly, just as good as the last time.

Fast-forward to my recent visit. Again, I walk up to the counter and ask for "the sandwich I always order, and by the way, I forgot what’s in it again. Yes, I’m a very dumb person."

He looks at me like always and I know what’s coming next. "Care to take a stab at what’s in it?"

"OK, to the best of my knowledge, it has turkey, some kind of cheese, lettuce, tomato, and a fantastic cranberry sauce thing. It’s not a sauce, you know, it’s like a sauce, but not a sauce. Know what I mean?"

He suggests to me the sandwich he’s made in the past, and I finally use my brain and write down what’s in it so I can remember the next time. What I’d rather see happen is that the sandwich go up on the menu board so I can just say "Give me the Number 5."

While Dave’s gathering ingredients, we hit a little snag. He informs me that he just ran out of cranberry mustard (I knew it wasn’t a sauce!) and would I care for the raspberry instead? I’m all about the raspberry and so that’s what I ordered.

When I took my first bite, I realized I liked the raspberry mustard even better than the cranberry. And I don’t quite remember this cheese being the cheese of sandwiches past. It is deadly good. With that, he had just improved upon what I thought was already the perfect sandwich. This, my friends, is the perfect sandwich:

Sliced turkey
Thick slice of Brie cheese
Leafy lettuce and tomato
Raspberry mustard
On rye toast
Pickle on the side

I kidded with him about adding it to the menu and giving it a name, so people (OK, just me) can order it easier. I suggested he name the sandwich in my honor. I’m sure he was kidding when he said he would, but I would bet that if you walked in and asked for "The Kathy Frederick," he’d know what to make you. If you order it, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. No doubt you’ll love the cafe no matter what you order. Bon appetit!

See how I don’t hate everything?

FYI, Caffeine Cafe is open 8-2, Mondays, 8-5 Tues through Friday, 10-5 Saturday, closed Sunday.

Let’s face it. "The road less traveled" doesn’t exist anymore. Unless you’re lucky enough to be retired, you have to get out on jammed roads during rush hour, compete for space, avoid the idiots and get to and from work without getting frazzled.

Here are ten ways to minimize the hassle, maximize your calm and have a safer commute. They may seem like no-brainers, but if more people would employ these techniques, driving might just be fun again. Or at least a little more tolerable.

1. Leave earlier. This is a hard one for many of us. Getting out on the road just 10 minutes earlier than normal gives you time to pay more attention to the road and traffic patterns. One day last week I left 10 minutes later than normal and it took me 10 minutes longer to get to work.
2. When merging onto a highway, try to get directly behind a big truck. Based purely on observational evidence, I find that most drivers will move to the passing lane if they see a large truck trying to merge. They’re less inclined to do so for a mere car. Use this to your advantage and get right behind the biggest one you can find and follow it as you both merge smoothly. You can always pass it later.
3. Try to get ahead of SUVs and trucks to maximize your field of vision. I drive a small car and find it impossible to see ahead of and around bigger vehicles. Do what you can to safely position yourself behind cars the same size as yours. Then you’ll be ready to react if you see trouble up ahead.
4. Let tailgaters pass you. The only solution to tailgating drivers is to get out of their way as quickly and safely as possible. Let them pass you so you can maintain your calm.
5. Look both ways before pulling out when the light turns green. This takes just a second and can save your life. We’ve all seen other drivers running red lights. Wait a moment to allow for that possibility. I’ve twice avoided an accident by waiting a beat before advancing through the green.
6. Turn your headlights on in any kind of weather. Many of today’s cars automatically turn on your lights when you start your car. If yours doesn’t, consider turning them on manually, even in fair weather. This isn’t so much for you to see better; it’s so that other drivers can see you, particularly if you drive a dark-colored vehicle.
7. Signal early and make your turn only when you can. Let other drivers know when you’re about to turn. If you’re ahead of a tailgater, don’t try to make your turn. Skip it and wait until you can turn with at least three car lengths of open space behind you. I once damaged a tire because I tried to make my turn with a tailgater just feet behind me. I tried to get as close to the curb as possible to allow him to get around me, and in the process, scraped it hard enough to ruin a perfectly good tire.
8. Practice safe cell-phoning. Simply put, drivers cannot possibly concentrate on the road if they’re talking on the phone. If you must make a call, pull over at a safe spot, make the call and then resume driving. It takes just a few minutes out of your drive, but will minimize the chances you’ll cause an accident due to driver inattention.
9. Wear a seat belt. If you don’t care about your personal safety, that’s one thing. But at least think of your family. You are your family’s most important asset. Protect it for their sake.
10. Say a little prayer for road ragers. Pray for them? Are you nuts? Well, sort of. But I’m also a big believer in karma. If you send a little kindness out into the world, it might come back to you when you least expect it. Besides, people so angry behind the wheel clearly need some help and it makes me feel better when I react positively to a stressful situation. And it’s all about feeling better on the road!

If you had a bad commute today, here’s wishing you a better one tomorrow!

So yesterday new partitions went up in my office. They separate me from a pile of laptops and equipment we loan out to faculty to use in classrooms. I used to have a wide open space, but now I’m almost totally insulated and I have to tell you, it’s very weird. I can’t see or hear people coming, and even when they announce themselves, I’m usually jumping out of my seat when they appear around the partition. I may need to invest in a driveway mirror, a bell, a webcam trained on the door, or all of the above.

I’ll get used to it over time, but right now it feels a little like this:

I’m cranky this week because it’s been so busy at work that I thought Tuesday was Thursday already. It really felt like four days’ worth of work crammed into two. We have our old ugly furniture paired with our new tables and now it looks like Unclaimed Salvage & Freight in my living room. And we’re starting to wonder if La-z-Boy will ever send us our new furniture. I have to fight for space at my kitchen sink because my fat cat insists on drinking her water straight from the faucet … and I keep letting her. How stupid am I? Don’t answer that. Plus a spider may have just crawled into my cup of coffee.

What better time to post a list of 10 things that annoy me. I’m so in the mood!

1. People who can’t control their car alarms. Guess what? No one cares if your car is getting broken into, stolen or damaged in any way. In fact, is there anything I can do to help?

2. People who pay for groceries with a check. A check? Are you kidding me?

3. Brittney Spears. Tell me, why is she still here? After Sunday’s MTV Music Awards disaster she needs to pack up her lingerie in a really tiny suitcase and call it a day. Call it a career, actually. And take your dancing pole with you.

4. Billy Mays, the ear-piercing, high-octane infomercial pitchman for OxyClean and something orange that cleans everything. I can never get to the mute button fast enough.

5. People who let their dogs crap on my lawn, and then walk away. You’re supposed to be carrying it around in bags, aren’t you? And, by the way, how does that steaming pile of poo feel when you pick it up with your bare hand from the inside of the bag? Reason number #284 why cats rule.

6. Red light runners. Um, you do know you can kill people doing that, right?

7. Microsoft for too many reasons to list. But just for today, you annoy me because you think everyone has the 20/20 vision of an 18-year-old. Why on God’s green earth can’t you make the Office 2007 program buttons bigger? You know, the ones people use a hundred times a day? Plus now to open the File menu, you have to click that big gumball Office logo, that’s if people even know what it is.

8. That lady who drove practically attached to my trunk yesterday who was not only talking on a cell phone but smoking a cigarette. It was fun to watch how you managed that and I did want to see you get into an accident, just not with me.

9. Hard plastic packaging you have to risk life and limb cutting open. Since when did a $10 cable require Fort Knox protection? Seriously, can’t it just go in a box with a lid?

10. This video and accompanying song. I stumbled onto it a while back and now every time I see a furniture commercial, I’m reminded of it. Not as bad as Pop Goes the Weasel, but it’s in the general vicinity. Beware.

Please don’t write me to say "lighten up." If you do, you’re going to make my next list.

While trying to get to Lauter’s Furniture store in Easton on Sunday, Dave and I got sidetracked by numerous road closings due to what I later learned was the Via Lehigh River Relay Marathon. We tried every conceivable way to get to our destination, but kept getting redirected elsewhere by policemen.

In frustration we turned around and headed west up Northampton St. and as we approached 7th St., I shouted "Let’s stop at Easton Baking!" At least the trip wouldn’t be a total loss. Easton Baking is a fixture in town, been there forever. Located on a tiny residential street, there’s nowhere to park, but nobody cares. You just throw your car in park wherever you want and run inside. The neighbors must love this.

I dart into the store and get in a very long line. I’m not worried about the wait, since it’s moving quickly. Almost too quickly. I wanted time to peruse the selections, but the line moves so fast, I couldn’t get a very good look. It was all just a sugary blur.

I see immediately they have a system here and everyone but me knows how to work it. You get in line at the right, announce your order, have your money in hand and pay on the left. Absolutely no deviation is allowed. If you’re familiar with the Seinfeld "Soup Nazi" episode, this is the bakery version of that. I get the sense if you don’t do it right, an angry mob will chase you out the door and beat you senseless with fresh and crispy baguettes. "No bread for YOU!"

My anxiety is made worse knowing I haven’t a clue what to buy. When it came my turn, I blurted out "Just grab a big box and I’ll point at stuff I want!" I figured this was the fastest way to go about it and would ensure that others behind me wouldn’t punish me for not being prepared. I managed to fill the box with an assortment of stuff I may or may not have wanted.

While waiting to pay, I met eyes with a guy who’d been staring at me a while. I thought for sure he was going to say "You don’t have a clue, do you lady? You silly, stupid woman." What he did say weirded me out a little:

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Cher?"

"Um, no. That’s a first. Thanks…. I think."

Maybe it’s the longish curly hair, maybe it’s the nose, maybe I looked all drag queen at 11AM in the morning. For the record, I don’t see the resemblance, and neither does Dave.

But it got me thinking of other women people have told me I looked like. Here goes:

Stacy London of TLC’s makeover show "What Not to Wear."
I think we have the same nose, and I can’t say I’m happy about it.

Justine Bateman of "Family Ties" fame. Back when I wore my hair straight. And again with the nose.

Amy Winehouse, who has a popular song out now called Rehab, with a running lyric "They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no." She’s in rehab now.

Madolyn Smith Osborne, the actress who played opposite Chevy Chase in 1988’s Funny Farm.

So what do you think? Do I look like any of these women? You can leave a comment, but if you stick one Cher song title, one Cher reference, one Cher anything in there, you’re banned for life.