The Junk Drawer

With Dave and I being far enough away from our furniture shopping hell experience, it occurs to me now that our adventures weren’t 100 percent bad. There was one bright spot in our travels around the Valley and that’s the Nazareth Furniture Store.

Located at 75 S. Main St., Nazareth, PA, the store is housed in what was once the Nazareth Inn. Built in 1771, the building looks no worse for wear and oozes charm throughout. Their furniture and accessories collection is high end and one-of-a-kind, and that makes them pricier than most other places. It’s also the reason we didn’t buy anything from them, unfortunately. While we loved so many pieces and did consider buying a couple tables, we just couldn’t justify their cost.

What makes the store so fun to browse is that each of the former hotel rooms is furnished and decorated uniquely with its own style and personality. As you weave in and out of each room, creaking and cracking over thick wooden floor boards, you find yourself going back in time. I imagined back when it was a hotel and guests milled about. In the intense heat, though, I also wondered how they managed without air conditioning. When we got to the fifth floor, I just couldn’t take it anymore in the mid-August heat. God, we’re so spoiled.

One other major plus here is the laissez-faire attitude the owners take when you shop. Imagine our surprise when we browsed for a full thirty minutes without seeing even one sales person. They really let you explore on your own and for that we were intensely grateful. When we did run into one floor person, he was gracious and helpful, not pressuring us in any way. We almost wanted to buy something – anything – as a simple thank you for not jumping on us. Our experience at most every other store was the complete opposite, so it was refreshing to be treated more as guests in someone’s home than off-the-street strangers.

So hats off to the Nazareth Furniture Store. You know, we still need new lamps, so we might just take another trip. If we don’t find anything, it’ll still be a fun visit. This place is a real gem!

Blogger’s Note: If you read my blog regularly, you know by now I’m cranky about a lot of stuff. This post is proof that I don’t actually hate everything. Yeah, you’ll still find me complaining about poor customer service, tech support headaches, idiots in general and how badly the English language gets butchered. But I’ll try to sprinkle some kudos around in the future. Stay tuned for more stuff I don’t hate!

In my line of work, I frequently stand over the shoulder of someone I’m helping with a PC problem. Often I ask them to replicate their problem and when I see how slowly they navigate through Windows I take the opportunity to show them a faster way. Their response is almost always "Oh my God. I’ve been doing it the hard way all these years!"

• Close programs via their Taskbar buttons. Don’t maximize each window, then close it by clicking "X" in the upper right corner. Instead, right-click the program’s button, then click Close.

• View your Desktop in one click instead of manually minimizing each open window until the Desktop is all that’s left in view. First make sure you have Quick Launch enabled. Right-click and empty area of the Taskbar, click Toolbars > Quick Launch. Now you will see the Show Desktop icon next to the Start button. When you want to quickly get to your Desktop, just click that icon.

• Stop digging around for Windows Explorer in the programs menu. Open it by right-clicking the Start button, then click Explore.

• Add program shortcuts to the Taskbar. First, enable Quick Launch in the Taskbar (right click the Taskbar, click Toolbars > Quick Launch). Next, unlock the Taskbar so you are able to resize it and make room for shortcuts (right click the Taskbar, click Lock the Taskbar to remove the checkmark). Finally, drag shortcuts to the Taskbar and release.

• Pin frequently used programs to the Start Menu (only available in the Windows XP Start menu, not the Classic Menu). Click Start > All Programs. Locate a favorite program, right-click on the program’s icon and select Pin to Start Menu. Now that program will always appear at the top of the Start Menu.

• Find files faster. When using Windows Explorer you can type the first letter of a file or folder and Explorer will jump to the first file or folder starting with that letter. Single left-click (not double click) on any folder or file, then type a letter to jump ahead to it.

• To grab several adjacent files at once using only your mouse, position your cursor just outside the files you want to encapsulate, then drag the mouse around the set of files you want to copy so they are shaded. Release the click and you’ll see the files have been selected and you can act on them all at once (copy, cut, move, delete, etc).

This weekend while trying to relax my crooked back after my high-heeled shoe fiasco, I almost drifted off to a glorious sleep when I was shaken out of my calm by our stupid neighborhood ice cream man.

Now, I know I’m going to get shot down hard for saying this, but there is a special place in hell for ice cream truck drivers who play the same tune over and over again. A lot of people don’t mind the music at all. I’m not one of them. This guy only occasionally rings the bell, which I do find quite charming and nostalgic. It’s when he plays the same song on loop that I want to run out there and throw spike strips under his wheels and smash his speakers with a very large mallet.

I suppose it wouldn’t be all that bad if it wasn’t the particular song he’s playing. Wanna feel my pain? He came down the street just a minute ago and I managed to hide behind some bushes and stuff to get the shot. Go ahead, I dare you to click this.

Seriously, just imagine that over and over, and LOUD, and it just doesn’t stop and you want to rip your hair out!!! I’ve considered going outside with a fistful of cash, then buying up all his inventory so he HAS to leave. But then he’d realize there’s a market for ice cream on my street, and that’s not what we want now, do we?

There is precedence for silencing noise menaces, so I know I’m not the only one who’s annoyed. Boston’s trying to have it banned. And you might have heard about the guy in Jim Thorpe, PA, who can’t stand his courthouse neighbors who play show tunes five times a day from their bell tower carillon. He’s since backed off his lawsuit, but I stand with him on principle. All he wants is a little peace.

I could almost stand it if Ice Cream Guy weren’t driving his Cartoon Mobile down our street on Sundays. I don’t know who I’m angrier at, him or the thoughtless neighbors who mow the lawn for three hours. Doesn’t anyone consider Sunday a day of rest anymore? Or am I just that old-fashioned?

The results are in! I polled readers on what tech toys they couldn’t live without and I was a little surprised by a few things. First, here are the items in order by popularity:

1. Internet
2. Books, cable TV (tie)
3. DVR
4. Cell phone/iPod (tie)
5. Digital camera

I’m not at all surprised by Internet’s first place finish. I know the weekend I had to go without it made me wonder what I did all those years in its absence.

What did surprise me was the lower ranking of the ubiquitous iPod. I thought I was the last person on earth who didn’t have one and is thus not hopelessly addicted. I also think I’m the last person who hasn’t read the Harry Potter series or watched an episode of American Idol beyond the first couple weeks when the worst singers perform. That’s gold!

I’m also surprised that cell phones weren’t first on the list. I know few people who don’t have theirs within arm’s length at all times. I have one for work purposes, but not for personal use. Perhaps part of that is because I don’t have children, so I’m not in need of constant communication with people who need to know when I’m picking them up and what’s for dinner.

I’m not entirely shocked that video games didn’t get a single vote. It may indicate that no one under 20 years old reads my blog, except for my niece who just thinks I’m so cool for having one. Even she places her iPod and cell phone above video games. You know, they don’t make enough video games for girls. There must be a shortcut on programmers’ keyboards for "blood" and "more violence!" since that seems to be what sells best. And girls are just not into that.

My heart warmed to see books so high on the list. With all our digital paraphernalia it’s nice to see people still love to curl up with a good book. You don’t turn it on, it doesn’t need to be recharged and it won’t crash or be incompatible with anything.

By the way, I highly recommend Crashing Through by Robert Kurson. It’s a riveting story about Mike May, a man blinded by a chemical accident at the age of 3. May gets a chance to see again through revolutionary and risky surgery. May’s experience isn’t at all what you’d expect for a person who regains his vision after a virtual lifetime of blindness.

Thanks to all those who participated in the poll. And if I didn’t list a gadget or technology that you can’t live without, comment below and tell me what it is!

Yesterday was my birthday and I’m feeling older than my age. I’m not at all close to AARP membership eligibility, but my out-of-shape body tells me otherwise. To add insult to injury, this week I saw a report about a 40-year-old American swimmer, Dara Torres, who’s gunning for her fifth Olympics. If she makes the team, she’ll be the oldest female Olympic swimmer at the age of 41. If this isn’t crazy enough, she had a baby a mere 15 months ago and yet has freakish washboard abs. It’s just not human. It disgusts me that she’s doing all this at about the same age as me, while I’m getting winded walking two flights of steps.

Today I felt aging pains quite literally as I began the process known as “Chunky Girl Gets Dressed for a Wedding.” Control top pantyhose should be a girl’s best friend, but they’re really not. They make all types of hose, but a woman my age always goes for the control-top variety. Control top, put another way, means “cram all the fat in one neat little package so nothing wobbles around too much and hurts anybody.” They should put that right on the box. I estimate I burned a hundred calories getting them on, so that’s a plus. But once you’re in them and the elastic band takes hold above the midsection, there is nowhere for an expanding, after-dinner stomach to go but straight out. Lovely.

I managed to get into my ensemble without too much difficulty, but what worried me was the shoes I’d be wearing. Four inch high-heel stilettos that should only be sold to 20-year-olds who consider flavored water a food group. I just can’t walk in these things anymore. I know it, yet I keep wearing them. My only other choice was near-flat shoes that make my legs look like tree stumps. I chose the painful ones because they look better. They make my feet swell up like sausages, but they look nice. And nice is the goal. Pain is a necessary evil. Dave was given pre-event instructions to not walk too fast in front of me, as I can’t keep up in these things. I teeter-tottered my way from the car to the church and marveled that I almost fell only once. During various parts of the ceremony, when most of the congregation listened to the minister extol the virtues of married life, blah, blah, blah, all I was thinking was when can I sit down and take a load off? I took every opportunity to remove my cruel shoes – in the church, in the car, and even later at the reception dinner table.

Speaking of dinner, we were having a wonderful time of things until Dave was joined by a few little visitors — ants. Oh, how nice. Makes the meal so appetizing, all those little black specks walking around. I won’t identify where the reception was held, but let’s just say it was a country club somewhere in the Lehigh Valley. Dave showed me the first one when it made its appearance clinging to a straw. “Kath. What’s this? That an ant?” “Um, yeah. That’s gross. Just toss it aside and eat your meal.” Ten minutes later while working through his crab cakes, he gets another visitor. This one’s doing laps around his dinner plate. I discreetly smash it into oblivion with a napkin and vow right then to blog about how it is a $10,000 membership fee country club can serve up ants for dinner. Lehigh Valley Country Club, do you know you have ants in your kitchen? Oops, did I just say that?

Following coffee and dessert, a photographer friend insisted she get a picture of Dave and me outside. I resisted the attempt, as I knew as soon as I stood up, the belly bulge was going make me look like I was pregnant somewhere in the range of 5-7 months and begged her to please restrict her pictures to head shots. I also had to consider that my shoes were choking my feet and making me walk in a way that twisted my back into a new configuration that was going to take my chiropractor weeks to undo.

But we were coaxed into going out anyway, where the photographer asks us to pose real nice and smile pretty. I realize the only way she’s not going to get a grimace out of me is if I kick off my heels, which I gleefully do since the spikes are sinking into the ground anyway. But the problem with removing shoes from your sausage feet is that sausage feet take the opportunity to swell five times bigger when they’re free from their constraints. I’m just hoping no one is looking at my big bulbous clown feet and wondering how it is I’ll get the shoes back on without a shoehorn, a pulley and three assistants.

The photographer mercifully obliges me by taking above-the-waist-only pictures, keeping my faux pregnancy gut horror from public display. I vow that tomorrow I’ll start exercising and lose a hundred pounds. If Dara Torres can keep her shape and kick the asses of swimmers half her age, the least I can do is get a little serious about dropping some baggage and stop having to squeeze myself into control top pantyhose. And I might someday want to wear those stilettos again. Until then, they’re back in the closet where they belong….until the next time, because as you can tell by now, I’m a glutton for punishment.