The Junk Drawer

Firefox rules — plain and simple. If you don’t have this web browser, you don’t know what you’re missing. And you’re missing everything. So go get it right now. I’ll wait.

OK. Ready now? The main reason I prefer Firefox over Internet Explorer is the degree of flexibility it offers me to customize my browsing experience. One way it does this is through extensions (or add-ons), small pieces of software you install to add features and functions not available in the base installation. There are hundreds to choose from and these are the five I can’t live without:

• AdBlock Plus: This extension blocks ads and banners from within web pages, leaving you with a much less cluttered screen. This is an extension I installed for my legally-blind father, who is now much less distracted by annoying ads. It helps him focus on pure content. Here you can see the difference when you use Firefox with AdBlock (on the left), vs. IE without an ad blocker (on the right) By the way, that "Winner" advertisement was spasmodically flashing red and black, and I almost had a seizure.

• Forcastfox: Still using that resource hog, WeatherBug? Get rid of it immediately and install this add-on instead. You get an unobtrusive real-time Accuweather forecast for your selected city. This highly customizable extension displays right in your toolbar or statusbar. If you work in a windowless office, you can’t be without this one!

• ColorfulTabs: Tabbed browsing made even more beautiful! This extension colors each tab individually to improve the overall appearance of the browser interface. If your eyes tire from staring at a PC all day, ColorfulTabs is a must. Here are three webpages open in the same browser window, each with its own distinguishing color.

• StumbleUpon: Channel-surf the Internet! This add-on helps you find and share great websites based on your personal interests. Click the Stumble button to channel surf the best-reviewed sites on the web. Click the thumbs-up or down buttons to rate sites and StumbleUpon will "learn" to deliver more of what you want.

• Foxmarks Bookmark Synchronizer: This extension lets you synchronize your bookmarks between multiple PCs. You can also login to my.foxmarks.com to manage your bookmarks from anywhere.

You can browse for these and other add-ons at the Mozilla extensions page. When you’re ready to install one, follow these instructions.

We’ll use ColorfulTabs as an example. Note: Make sure whatever extension you install is supported for your version of Firefox. This will be plainly noted under the extension’s description. Click the Install Now button to begin.

Some extensions have End User License Agreements that you must accept in order to use. Click the Accept and Install button when prompted to do so.

At the Software Installation window, click the Install Now button to continue.

When the installation completes, note that you must restart Firefox for the extension to take effect.

What’s remarkable about this chip isn’t so much that it has a heart built into it, but that it’s eight months old and isn’t sporting any hair, mold or little green fuzzies. Dave’s been saving it since winter for my Food That Looks Like Stuff site, reminding me periodically to take the damn picture already so we can throw it out! But I’d always forget. He moved it from place to place and I guess I thought it was gone for good.

Just today he found it in a kitchen cabinet behind some junk. It’s very scary to me that it has not aged a bit. Looks just as good as the day I pulled it from the bag. I’m sure they use the same preservatives in chips that they do in McDonald’s french fries. Beware the potato snack.

After a couple of weeks free of furniture shopping, we just got a call that our tables will be delivered next week. Woo hoo! The couch and chair aren’t far behind. Now we have to get serious about getting rid of the old stuff. I have to call my township and/or trash hauler to see if they have special days when you can put furniture out on the curb. We’d set it on fire in the backyard, but I kind of think that’s illegal.

The cocktail and end tables we used are still in great condition and I’d like to try and sell them. I’m a bad judge of how to price used items, and have little yard sale expertise. I’ll never hold another one ever since I practically gave away Dave’s Super Fantastic Deluxe set of Christmas tree lights that "you can’t find anywhere now and why did you sell them at the yard sale?!?!?" Live and learn.

Here’s a picture of the tables we want to sell. I’m guessing we paid over $1,000 for the set, so I suppose asking a hundred bucks is reasonable. They’re glass top with wrought iron legs, as you can see. And they’re really freaking heavy. If you or someone you know would like them, drop me a line. You’d have to pick them up (Hanover Township, PA). Come to think of it, you can take the lamps, too. Cat not included.

Dipping into the Embarrassing Picture files, I present for your ridicule more thinking-I’m-stylin’ clothes from the 70s. Here, my sister Ann and brother Mike are striking a pose holding what was known back in the day as "real milk." Not 2%, not 1%, not fat-free, and certainly not that scary skim, oddly-blue milk. Real, fattening, practically-a-milkshake milk.

Observe carefully. Our attire might have been described back then as nouveau Austrian chic, or now upon further reflection, more likely answered the question ‘How can we make an outfit with all these leftover scraps of mismatched fabric?’

I actually didn’t mind being clothed in things that matched my sister’s outfits. We are only two years apart, so we were often dressed like twins (same style, different colors). But did they have to be THIS hideous? I don’t even remember having this outfit. I may have been so traumatized that it was stricken from my memory. I’m curious if these were dresses or if there were pants that went with the tops. Best left to the imagination….. or not.

Reader survey: Our mother took us clothes shopping in downtown Easton at a place called The Surprise Shop, aptly-named, since apparently what we bought was quite a surprise. Does anyone remember this store? I have faint recollections of it being a long and narrow shop with creaky wood-plank flooring. It was located a block or two west of the old Woolworth’s on Northampton Street.

We used to have neighbors who obsessed about everything: car, house, and yard. They were both the envy of the neighborhood and the subject of much backyard gossip. It bears mentioning that they were both retired, so they had tons of time to tend to these things. We all stood by and watched as our houses turned to crap and theirs looked like Better Homes and Gardens. They put us all to shame.

Obsession is really putting it mildly. I’ve witnessed the wife getting down on her hands and knees to scrub their sidewalks clean. No kidding. The husband, Hank, installed Astroturf in their garage, swear to God. He also vacuumed out his car trunk monthly, though it’s doubtful there was anything to suck up. Really. Above all, they kept an immaculate lawn. Mowed that thing every Monday morning at 8AM sharp and fertilized all the time. Remember the drought of 1999? You wouldn’t know it over at Hank’s place. We considered calling the cops because he was clearly violating the water restrictions.

Here’s what it looked like the last time I took a picture of it (for an article I’m writing about living in suburbia):

Recently, after some nudnicks moved into the neighborhood, the couple realized they’d had enough. Too much noise and oil-leaking cars in the driveway for their tastes, they up and moved. That was in the spring.

Nice new, normal neighbors moved into the house and the first thing that stopped getting love and attention was the lawn. Here’s what it looks like today, after not having gotten the "Hank Treatment" all summer.

We have a secret kinship with these new neighbors, as now "Hank’s lawn" looks like absolute hell, much like ours — worse, actually. I think if Hank and his wife came driving around the ‘ol hood, they’d die a little. I’m sure the first thing he’d do is grab a water hose. Crying, screaming, and spinning in a circle, the lawn would get a great soaking.

One thing these before-and-after shots illustrate is what can happen when you over-fertilize your lawn and then suddenly stop. My friend Jason Slipp is my go-to guy for all things environmental. He knows everything about organic foods, natural-fiber clothing, biodeisel fuel and how the earth is going to hell in a handbasket. I went straight to him to find out why this lawn is deader than dead.

He explained:

Humans have been fertilizing their soils since the beginning of the agricultural revolution (probably without knowing it at first) with manure (human and non-human) and organic waste (plant/animal). This "waste" re-supplies the soil with much needed nutrients (nitrogen/phosphorus, potassium), and is important if we want to grow food.

Then came the "green" revolution when scientists realized they could manufacture synthetic fertilizers based on cheap oil and natural gas (all synthetic fertilizers are based mainly on natural gas – which essentially makes ammonia. Umm, isn’t is great that we are eating ammonia?). So for 50 plus years, to increase their yields, farmers have been spraying, injecting, and genetically modifying crops using synthetic fertilizers. Fertilizers have also gone commercial, and people are now hiring companies like ChemLawn to douse their lawns with synthetic fertilizers. These fertilizers make your grass green because they are giving the soil exactly what it wants, more nutrients (nitrogen/phosphorus, potassium). However, they are also changing the biological makeup of the soil and most likely poisoning ground water.

We are now seeing massive soil degradation, and many of the essential nutrients are not being replaced (essentially, soil is becoming over-used). So more fertilizers are required to uphold crop yields – it is a vicious circle. The same thing is happening to Hank’s grass. Basically, that lawn either needs to be heavily fertilized and/or watered. The lawn probably became dependent on the injection of nutrients from being fertilized over the last few years, and now it is suffering – basically, it is going through withdrawal and dying. We have also had little rain fall, so that doesn’t help, but I guarantee, even without rain, if the lawn was fertilized it would look exactly the same as it did last year.

The reality is, it is a lawn. And, I would rather see our dwindling natural gas and oil supplies be used for something else besides keeping a lawn green. Not to mention how environmentally damaging lawn mowers are (use fossil fuels for manufacturing and running and are very polluting). Enjoy your green grass in the spring, then watch it die in the summer (hey, less yard work!).

I’m anxious to see if the neighbors’ lawn ever comes back to life on its own, or if they decide it needs fertilization. The way it looks now, I wouldn’t be surprised if they discovered one huge dirt pile after the last winter thaw. Maybe they can Astroturf it.