The Junk Drawer

While talking with one of my colleagues yesterday, I slipped and used a phrase I hear all too often at work: "Sounds like a plan." I surprised myself that I even said it, given it’s on my list of stupid phrases to avoid. I should probably submit it to Lake Superior University’s Banished Words list and see if it makes the cut. The school accepts submissions for words deemed mis-used, over-used and just plain useless. View the whole cringe-worthy list here.

In my opinion, the 2007 list is a little weak. For instance, I see no particular violation in using the phrases "went missing" or "healthy food," but that’s just me. I do agree that "Ask your doctor" in pharmaceutical commercials makes little sense. What am I asking him for? Shouldn’t he be telling me what I need?

Other phrases that drive me (and my sister) nuts: moving forward (would you ever move backwards?), adds functionality (an unnecessary mouthful), grow your business (just doesn’t sound right) and I see what you’re saying (you don’t actually, unless you can lip-read).

My all-time least favorite word in the English language is youse, as in "Are youse guys taking Mary out to lunch for her birthday?" Well, it’s not a real word, and that’s precisely the point. I once worked alongside a woman who used that word ad nauseam. It didn’t help we work for a university, where one expects to find reasonably good use of the English language. She eventually took another job, and for all I know she’s still "yousing it" around a new crop of stunned co-workers.

What words or expressions drive you nuts?

My brother-in-law is currently on a decidedly un-fun business trip in China. Between the inadequate rest, long flights, long waits in airports and interesting food choices when he dines with his hosts (pigeon, anyone?), he’s ready to come home. The emails he’s been sending to my sister tell tales of travel hell, which reminded me of one of my favorite trip movies, Trains, Planes and Automobiles. Here’s a memorable scene from that great Steve Martin and John Candy flick.

For those following activities in The Dad Zone, you’ll know that I was planning on getting him Verizon DSL soon. That day came today. The setup was a breeze and Dad’s now surfing the web infinitely faster than before. He’s so thrilled that his internet polka stations are playing smoothly, every last one of them. He can’t get enough of this new (to him) technology, he’s going to get right on the phone and brag to all his friends that he’s using broadband now. Good for him!

So after getting DSL configured and working, I decided to try migrating him over to Mozilla Firefox for times he’s reading his news websites and playing the radio feeds, simply because AOL does a lousy job of rendering these sites and doesn’t always know what media players to use for the stations. Firefox is so much easier, plus he knows how to quickly enlarge text on screens with a touch of a button. Something else AOL sucks at.

After moving all his AOL Favorites over to Firefox and getting him used to the new interface, he asked me a question I’d been wanting to hear for years: "Now that I’m using Firefox, what do I need AOL for?" I told him all it’s good for now is playing Slingo.

What he said next made me want to both strangle him and hug him at the same time.

"I don’t need Slingo."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?! It’s ALL YOU TALK ABOUT!!!!! And if you stop playing it on AOL, you’ll lose your lifetime score!"

"Eh…. I can live without it. Besides, I can’t get higher than 108."

So, incredibly, I’m in the position to get him off AOL, stop paying the insane $250 annual subscription fee, get him browsing the internet the easy way, and stop hearing about how he can’t crack the Top 100. What a glorious day this is. I only wish I’d asked him years ago if he can live without Slingo. As crazy as it sounds, no one ever thought to approach him with that question. His Slingo score was all we ever heard about.

I intend to download a "free standing" version of Slingo for him, which means he can still play the game. It just won’t know about his AOL lifetime score and he’ll have to start anew. We also have to wait until Slingo Deluxe works on Windows Vista. Right now, it’s not compatible, but I expect it will be in the next few months.

Rot in hell, AOL.

Ever since Groman’s Bakery on Second Ave. in Bethlehem closed shop, I’ve been on the lookout for great new bakeries. My vegetarian friend and colleague, Jason Slipp, recommended Vegan Treats at 1444 Linden Street. For Dave’s birthday I bought an assortment of cakes, brownies and their awesome Chocolate Bombs.

This collection cost about $35. Pricey, perhaps, but totally worth it. The shop boasts a wide array of delectables, making it tough to choose just one. And aside from the vanilla cake, front row left, you’d never know they were made from vegan ingredients. The cake was slightly dry, and a little "off" tasting from normal cakes. But the rest were heavenly! That Peanut Butter Bomb in the front and Chocolate Bomb in the back got "forked" as soon as Dave lifted the lid. He ate his way through each decadent dessert little by little over the next week, right out of the box. Who needs a plate?

One other thing to love about this terrific little shop — they have a wonderful sense of humor. The day I visited they had the front door propped open with a miniature cast iron cow.

With our couch and chair shopping behind us, we went out after work today looking for coffee and end tables. We went to about five places. A couple things interested us, but not enough to stop looking. We realized exactly when we should stop looking when we returned to the car after one visit to find the doors unlocked and the keys still in the ignition. We’re done for a while.