The Junk Drawer

Meet Shadow.

Shadow has a habit of pooping when she rides in a car.

Every. Single. Time. It’s all we’ve ever known.

In fact, the day my husband and I picked her up from her foster mom, she dropped a bomb a mile out.

We had 20 more miles to go.

At some point we pulled over so I could clean her up a little and toss the smelly offense.

Dogs may like sticking their heads out the window doing 65, but that’s not a good look for humans.

Wednesday she had to go to the vet.

I explained to Shadow that we were going to try a new thing.

We were going to diaper her so that she doesn’t mess in the carrier and so we don’t have to choke to death when she poops.

Shadow said “Sure, silly woman. You can give it a whirl, but I wouldn’t count on anything.”

She miraculously allowed me to slip her tail through a hole in the diaper, wrap it around her butt and tape it at her belly.

Feeling all smug about how easy it was, I placed her in the carrier and off we went.

Things went well for the first three of four miles, save for her relentless I’m in a car, in a diaper and you’ll pay for this meowing.

And then.

And then we smelled it.

She pooped. Like clockwork, at mile four.

Huh. I wonder why we can smell it so much. Shouldn’t it all be contained in the diaper? Or most of it?

We get to the vet’s office and soon discover that Shadow was right. We shouldn’t have expected this to work.

Because at some point she must have busted out of her diaper and pooped all over herself anyway.

And that’s how a cat lets you know diapers are for babies and pet parents may be well-intentioned, but they are also quite stupid.

My husband found me reading a book this weekend, something I’m mortified to say I haven’t done in about a year.

“Oh, a book! Nice to see you reading again,” he said.

I told him that my friend Julia sent it to me as a gift.

He asked, “Murder?”

“No. ER stories,” I replied. “Written by doctors and nurses in the trenches.”

He wasn’t surprised. “You do love your death, disease and disaster.”

I’ve always been a fan of non-fiction. The more incredible and hard-to-believe, the better.

Someone once told me “You read non-fiction? How boring!”

To the contrary.

I’ve always found true stories about courage, overcoming adversity and survival more compelling than any fiction. Throw in a true crime story and the occasional freak medical mystery and I’m happy.

So do you have a favorite genre? Or do you read anything you can get your paws on?

It’s official. My husband and I are quitting our day jobs.

Why?

Because we need more time in the day to play Facebook games.

It’s extremely hard work trying to squeeze in three hours of game play every day when you have to work eight hours at something else.

We’re addicted – like morphine addicted – and need to find a way to play for 20 hours a day.

Because we still have a house to pay off, we’ve decided to look for sponsorships to keep us financially afloat.

We’re thinking of tattooing Pop Cap Games on our foreheads and then streaming our game play live over the Internet.

We might play naked. You need a hook to keep people viewing.

As for the cats, we sat them down for a family meeting and explained to them that they’ll be seeing more of us now.

BUT.

They cannot expect us to spend an inordinate amount of time petting them, playing with them, or checking to make sure their food trough is full.

We might need to get a live-in assistant.

We have game play to deal with. We’re professionals, you know. You can’t rack up points and coins just lookin’ at the screen.

You have to forego all of your daily chores like cleaning, laundry and why do we have to shower every day?

All of it takes away from game play.

This blog? Jury’s still out on that. While writing this post, I played six games of Solitaire Blitz.

It’s my morphine drip and I pressed the button.

The button ……

The button ……

The button ……

Really, Ordinary Sarah? Seriously?

Within minutes of my posting a What’s That object, you are the first to respond and you get it correct?

Are you a robot?

Do you have magic powers?

Did you hack my email account and read about me telling my friends and family what a great stumper this was gonna be because no one would know it was an eye glasses cleaner?

I’m watching you now.

I’m also sending you a prize package! Good for you, oh wise one.

Here are the partial and full views of the item in question:

I love how this object even exists. Who knew? Clearly, they make something for everything.

Let’s hope the next What’s That item is way harder than this one. Or, that I post it when Ordinary Sarah is sleeping and you’ll stand a chance against her!

Springtime means beautiful flowers and lush greenery, bursting with enthusiasm, return to my long-slumbering yard. Welcome back, color and life!

What else is resurrected? The What’s That Wednesday brain-stumper contest!

Today’s item comes from my friend and yours, JD of the I Do Things blog.

When she sent me the picture, I had no idea what it was, and that was with the benefit of seeing the object in its entirety.

You’re in trouble because, as is the tradition with these things, you only get to see a bit of it.

How to play:

1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object.

2. First person to guess the object wins a Junk Drawer magnet and your choice of bacon bandages, Jesus bandages, or glow-in-the-dark skeleton keys covers.

If you think you know what it is, drop a comment in the drawer.

If you give up, head over to my friend Bill White’s blog for his version of What’s That? For the record, I have no clue what his item is, so don’t ask me for clues.

Bill is a columnist for my local paper, and also an adjunct professor at the university where I work. I’d like to thank him for inviting me as a guest speaker in his Journalism class to talk about blogging on Monday.

I’m honored for the invite and grateful that his students were so attentive and asked such probing questions. What a great group of kids!

Now put on your thinking caps and get crackin’.