The Junk Drawer

Hey, folks. Remember me? Yes, I’m still blogging, but I’m just really having a hard time of it. I don’t brain very well these days, it seems.

Just wanted to post something so you knew I was still alive, unlike that poor woman who was found dead in her car for like five years and nobody noticed. That’s a hell of a thing.

I did actually write up a post a few days ago after I accidentally propositioned someone at the car wash, but I wasn’t happy with the final product, so you’re just going to have to use your imagination.

Anyway, to ease back into what I hope will be regular-ish blogging, I give you this picture I took last week while on my lunchtime walk.

Rat Face Snow Melt. (March 5, 2014) Water on sidewalk canvas, 4’ x 6’. That’s right. This is art, baby!

I asked my walking buddies if they’d keep a lookout for other interesting things I could photograph for the blog.

Specifically, I asked for snow skulls. There were lots of frozen blobs of winter remnants that looked like skulls to me, but not enough good ones to make the grade.

My walking partners probably don’t know if they want to be my walking partners anymore because can’t you just walk without looking for disembodied heads in the snow?

You must always look for disembodied heads in the snow! Because if we won’t, who will?

Hope y’all are having a super fantastic weekend and enjoying some balmy temperatures since this hellish winter appears to be over.

Until later……

So this morning I packed all my breakfast and lunch containers in a plastic bag that I grabbed from our supply of bags out of the pantry.

When I took them all out at work, I found this Post-It note stuck to the inside of the bag. I thought maybe it was a note I made for myself that I forgot about.

It wasn’t. It was a shopping list that my husband made and left in the bag, from many months ago.

He knows it was old because, for the life of him, he can’t remember what sort of meat he bought that day.

I’m sure we enjoyed the thing of meat. Meat things are so delicious.

The jury is out on whether we had hot dogs.

Many of you know I’m on a weight loss journey and anyone else who’s been there knows that it helps to have a good support system.

My husband Dave sees how hard I’ve been working, watching calories and doing cardio every single day at 5AM.

Once in a while I have a craving for something sweet, sickening sweet.

But my support system of a husband was having none of it.

Tonight when he went to the store, I asked for “a Santa, a solid chocolate Santa, just one. They probably have leftover discounted stuff.”

He came home Santa-less.

He said “They didn’t have any Santas. Just Valentine candy and you didn’t say Valentine candy.”

I wanted to both hug him and punch him in the face.

That first ten pounds.

I recently began a mission, a serious one this time, to lose 25% of my current weight and I’m on track to do it by spring.

How am I doing it? Simple. Somewhere between 1,200-1,400 calories of “clean” food a day, cardio 30 minutes daily and walking 10 miles a week.

I’ve lost 10 lbs so far in five weeks. Slow and steady, good momentum, highly motivated, feeling happy. I’ll get there.

Today was a very good day, since I was able to drop one size in my jeans. Any woman will tell you this is an exciting milestone moment. Like finding a bathing suit that doesn’t make you look like a sausage squeezed into its casing.

I jumped for joy, showered and headed out to do a bit of Christmas shopping.

At my first stop in my “new” jeans, everyone at the store held doors for me, offered me hugs and told me to have a good day.

Boy, this feels really wonderful!

At the next store, strangers stopped to tell me how fierce I looked in my jeans and asked how they too could look this fabulous.

I didn’t have time to explain, but thanked them anyway and darted to the checkout counter.

The cashier brushed aside customers that were ahead of me in line and said “I’m sorry, but you’ll have to let this lady with the smaller jeans ahead of you because she’s really feeling it today and it would just be better if you let Her Specialness through.”

And so they all stepped out of line and motioned me forward. They applauded and smiled and a couple people high fived me.

Then the cashier told me to just skip paying for my items – You should have all this for free, because you really look good in those jeans. I wish I could look so good in mine.

I thanked her and left to go to the last store, strutting down the sidewalk to the cheers of onlookers.

Great jeans, lady!

Way to rock the look, woman!

I didn’t know they made jeans that small!

When I got to the store, a band was waiting for me and they played a fine rendition of I’m Too Sexy and then they presented me with a congratulatory cake with candles on it that spelled out YOU ROCK! But I declined because cake is not how you get into these jeans, just sayin’.

I bought my last gifts and skipped out of the store to find a limousine waiting for me to take me home because people who can fit into smaller sized jeans shouldn’t have to be bothered with driving.

So you see, fitting into smaller jeans has its benefits. I’m just not telling you which of these benefits, if any, is true.

Well, the ten pounds is true.

My husband Dave and I made our pilgrimage to BaconFest in Easton, PA today and it did not disappoint!

We went just as it opened and ate breakfast, lunch and dinner in the span of two hours.

Come with me on a tour, won’t you?

Before I got all filled up and bloated, I thought I should have the obligatory pose with the fest’s maple syrup-toting mascot. Oink!

Everywhere you turned – piglets and bacon!

The fest wasn’t all about the food, but yeah, mostly about the food. There were a few oddball gifts you could buy for the bacon lover in your life.

And there were silly little things like vegetables and non-artery-clogging items. Who let them in here?

I’ve got to say these mushrooms looked amazing, though.

Today I learned that bacon knows how to move. These were just some of the many food trucks dotting center square.

For breakfast we headed over to the waffle truck.

We picked Door #1, a waffle topped with caramelized onions, Belgium sugar crystals, maple syrup and BACON. Lots and lots of delicious bacon.

For a snack, we shared large and toasty garlic knots topped with bacon.

For lunch, we split a mind-blowing Nutella, strawberries and bacon crepe, so good I went back for another to take home. A sweet and savory delight!

This thing. My God. This thing. Dave knew right away he had to have the Smoked Pork Parfait: Smoked pork layered between cheesy mashed potatoes and collard greens, then drizzled with BBQ sauce, cheese and bacon!

It put him over the top. He called it dinner and a day. He won’t be eating again until tomorrow. *Meal was larger than it appears.

To satisfy your sweet tooth, there were maple bacon cupcakes, baklava, chocolate-covered bacon strips and jams and jellies of all kinds. I also found bacon biscuits and bacon mini-quiche that I brought home for later.

Before we left for the long, unbuttoned-pants ride home, we stopped and had our glucose and cholesterol checked. Actually, we didn’t. Rather, we laughed like hyenas, took a picture and kept walking. Limping, really.

Incidentally, only the coolest dogs attend BaconFest.

I’ll end our tour with video of one of the many piglet races scheduled throughout the day. Those poor little piggies, running around sweatin’ like, well, you know. (Sorry, couldn’t get this to embed.)

And they went wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

Hope you enjoyed my bacony tour. If you can get to the fest next year or any year, you must.

Long live bacon!