The Junk Drawer

My husband Dave likes to think I have the answers to everything off the top of my head, including stuff I haven’t seen, studied or heard about in years. He has such faith in me. Silly man.

He phoned me from his office this morning to see if I could run to the store on my way home from work. In the same breath, he said "Write this down," and I dutifully scrawled the following:

3(n-1) = 5n + 3 – 2n

This randomness is typical of our conversations.  Hi. How’s your day going? Get eggs and bread. Solve for n.

I asked him why he was making me do algebra so early in the day, or anytime, for that matter. "Because Bill’s daughter got this in her homework and she told her teacher it wasn’t solvable. The teacher said it was, and now they’re having a dispute."

I quickly worked the equation and got this as a result:

3n – 3 = 3n + 3

You can see right away there is no solution. No value for n will make this statement true.

At least I hope there’s no solution, because I told Dave I was sure of it, and he told Bill "My wife is sure there is no solution," and Bill’s gonna tell his kid to tell her teacher "Kathy says there’s no solution!"

Apparently my husband has convinced his co-worker that I’m some kind of algebra expert. I was once. Twenty five years ago! I’m a lot fuzzier on algebraic formulas now. As I keep looking at the equation, I’m worried there’s some bizarre value for n that makes it true.

Is it solvable if n is an irrational number or something? Is there a mathematician in the house? Or a high schooler who’s currently taking algebra?

If this post gave you a headache, I’m sorry. Think of cotton candy and puppies instead. That’ll cleanse you of all things math.

p.s. Tomorrow I reveal the winner of What’s That? Wednesday!

I think I did a dumb thing. When I opened up the balloon-counting contest, I made the deadline for guessing an entire week from the post date. What I didn’t realize was that we’d see 86 comments in less than 40 hours. Wow. You guys love contests, don’t you?

It’s safe to say that’s enough guesses, so I’ve decided to close the contest and announce a winner right now. You’re going to be very annoyed because the “person” who guessed the exact amount of balloons was the 4th one to leave a comment. The next 82 of you never stood a chance.

Congratulations Daisy the Curly Cat for correctly guessing that I blew up a gross of balloons. How much is a gross? A dozen dozen, or 144.

For those who didn’t see my responses in the comments, yes, I blew them up myself. It took about three hours, counting the times I had to sit down and suck enough oxygen to continue.

Daisy, as the prize winner, you have your choice of a box of 15 bacon bandages or 1,000 Entrecard credits. I’ll contact you shortly. I might even throw in a little cat toy because you’re such a smart kitty!

Now, if you’re disappointed you didn’t win the balloon contest, I have a What’s That? Wednesday challenge for you. I hope this one is so hard you all hate me and hate me good.

If you can guess the object pictured here, you’ll win a Junk Drawer magnet or 500 Entrecard credits, your choice.

Remember, this photo shows only a small portion of a larger object.

Go!

What’s That?

CONTEST CLOSED: See who won!

A co-worker who reads my blog suggested there was something terribly wrong with me because I kept five old containers of Parmesan cheese in my refrigerator for so long.

Oh, yeah? Is that right?

A few days later she had a birthday. Heh-heh. Have fun tryin’ to get at your desk.

When she arrived this morning and the shock wore off, she asked me how she was going to get any work done.

"Hmmm. Don’t know. That’s your problem."

Is there a lesson here, kids? Sure!

It’s best not to suggest I need therapy, at least not to my face, or you might find yourself the victim of something circus-y. Next time it might be the animals.

Anyone up for a contest?! The first person to submit a guess closest to the number of balloons pictured here wins a box of 15 bacon bandages or 1,000 Entrecard credits, your choice.

Helpful information (or not): There is a 17" box monitor buried under the balloons in the first shot.

Rules:

1. One guess per person.

2. You can’t ask me if it’s more or less than some number. In fact, I’ll get it over with now. It’s more than 1, but less than 500.

3. The closest guess can be under or over the actual amount.

4. Entries must be received by Monday, October 27, 6PM EST.

CONTEST IS CLOSED. It turns out the response was way over the top. Future contests will likely not be open for more than a few days, long enough to allow a reasonable amount of responses. Thanks for playing! Click here to find out who won.

Question: How do you get a big box of gourmet cheese delivered to your house?

Answer: Challenge someone to a Cheese-Off and lose.

I recently posted about my love affair with Kraft Parmesan Cheese. Or more to the point, how lazy I am when it comes to tossing out numerous expired containers from my fridge.

Carla, from Blah blah blog-o-licious, commented on that post thusly:

I will take all the cheese I have, put it on the counter and send you a photograph…I think I might have you beaten.

This prompted the Cheese-Off challenge. I didn’t stand a chance.

I emailed her immediately and asked how it is possible one person can have so much delicious cheese in her fridge, while people like me are slumming it with the kind you shake through gigantic holes in plastic. It turns out Carla is a professional food broker, a dream job if ever there was one.

Perhaps out of sympathy, she offered to send me a sampling of cheese if I would like some. Like some? Like some?

When I awoke from my blackout, I gave her my address, crossing my fingers that she wasn’t kidding. She wasn’t. A mere two days later I received this:

Behold! The Cheese Motherlode! The Rembrandt Extra Aged Gouda cheese down front is almost gone already. My husband Dave and I inhaled it immediately after I took this picture. It is divine.

I feel like a kid at Christmas and all my new toys are in the lettuce crisper. I know they are there. I don’t want to sleep. I just want to eat cheese.

If any of you are in a 20 mile radius of my house, shoot me an email and we’ll arrange a cheese party. Bring wine and an appetite! Oh, and see those Galaxy Cappuccino Chocolate Mousse Duos on the right? If you come quickly enough, there may be some left for you.

Thank you, Carla! I’m blown away by your generosity. This cheese won’t get the chance to expire.

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Check out Carla’s fun story on how she came to be known as The Cheese Lady. And be sure to take her cheese survey. I’m a Swiss girl all the way. Betcha thought I’d pick Parmesan!

I’m terribly sorry for this post. If I lose some readers over it, I’m prepared to pay that price. But when I saw the deposit one of my cats left in the litter box, I couldn’t resist.

I swear on a stack of Bibles, this picture was not doctored. If it grosses you out, just imagine for now that it was made with water.

Whoever left it there is incredibly gifted. I mean, seriously. All it’s missing is the bow tie. I’m trying to figure out which cat made this masterpiece so I can enter him or her in some kind of contest.

Damn. 

Playboy Bunny Pee in a Box