The Junk Drawer

I like nature. I like animals in nature.

I like squirrels. I like squirrels eating birdseed nearby. They look cute.

I like squirrels with their bushy tails, eating straight from the bird feeder. Very happy squirrels.

What I do not like is when happy, bushy-tailed squirrels get spooked because I put down my coffee cup too loudly on the patio table and they flip out and fall off the bird feeder, run down a pole, get confused, spin around a few times and then RUN UP MY LEG.

I’ll thank them not to do it again.

Shake a leg and head over to HumorBlogs.com

I’ve just discovered a most excellent site that made me react the same way I did when I discovered chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream:

Why didn’t someone think of this sooner?

The site, called Blogtations, is chock full of quotations taken from some really outstanding blogs. The site owner, a self-described quote addict, scours blogs looking for quotable material and posts a handful every Monday (and sometimes Friday). One of her fans called it “Like Bartlett’s, only bloggy.” She also takes recommendations, so go ahead and submit some of your favorite quotes from your favorite blogs. You might make someone’s day.

A word of warning: The site is addictive. The quotes are so high-quality, you’ll find yourself saying “Just one more.” And then you’ll keep reading. And miss meetings. And be late for dinner. The only problem with me having read everything in her archives is now I have to wait a week for new material. Crap!

What’s more is that I’ve been introduced to some fantastic blogs and felt a little annoyed that I hadn’t found them before. Where have all these great blogs been hiding?

Blogtations is the blogosphere’s best kept secret. But hopefully not for long! Head on over and check it out.

Is it bad that I wanted to kill this thing because I was delayed loading my 4th of July foodfest gut in the car because my husband refused to leave until it leapt away, for fear that if it remained, the wind would blow it off and it would die a grisly death on the roadway?

Is it bad that my husband believes that it’s illegal to kill a praying mantis? (It’s not.)

Further, is it bad that I went to the 4th of July foodfest with the top button of my pants already unbuttoned, and that by the end of the day I appeared to be seven months pregnant and that all I wanted to do was dump myself in the car and speed to the emergency room because I was pretty sure I just ate my weight in picnic food and needed a good old fashioned stomach pump?

These are the things I’d like to know.

  Humor bloggers like their bugs crunchy.

Yeah. So remember what happened to me the last time I went to the doctor for my injection? The time the nurse used my butt as a table?

Today I had another appointment.

The good news is that I didn’t get Nurse Ratched again. The bad news is people got a free show in Exam Room #5.

When I entered the room, the nurse asked me to sit on the exam table while she prepared the syringe. We had a pleasant conversation about holiday plans for the weekend and how the weather might turn nasty.

I heard other people chatting it up out in the hallway through the open door. Hmmm, wonder when she’s gonna shut the door.

She asked me to get in position, which means pants down, knee bent, lean towards the table. I complied. Hmmm, wonder when she’s gonna shut the door.

The nurse walked over behind me and warned me it would stick a little, but not bad if I didn’t tense my legs. Hmmm, wonder when she’s gonna shut the door.

Voices from the outside continued to waft through the hall and into the room. STICK! OUCH! You’re done!

Guess she wasn’t gonna shut the door.

Thanks. Hope everybody got a nice eyeful.

—–

Humor bloggers prefer their pants up in public.

It’s official. I’m going to hell.

You may notice a new graphic in my sidebar for the BlogHer network. On approach for The Junk Drawer’s first birthday, I’ve considered ways to earn some cash to offset the costs associated with blogging.

I was recently accepted by BlogHer, and with it comes an opportunity to make some money on the side.

Don’t think for a second that I didn’t stress over this decision, especially because I have said publicly I would never put ads on this blog. That’s right. Never put ads on this blog.

During the last few months, I’ve been having a conversation with two opposing people in my head: Conflicted Me, who hates to go back on her word, and Sensible Me, who would like to earn enough money from blogging to buy a pizza and a beer every now and then.

Here’s how things went in my head:

Conflicted Me: So you said you’d never put ads on the blog. You’re a big, stinking liar. What gives?

Sensible Me: Yeah, I said it. What I never wanted were ads that leapt off the page in the middle of posts and annoyed people.

Conflicted Me: But you did it anyway.

Sensible Me: Well, not exactly. The BlogHer folks give you ads to put up over on the side that don’t scream at you. The ads come from well-known companies that I can get behind. It was really Google AdSense ads I didn’t want on my blog. I worried I’d get ads for Preparation H for all the times I discuss my butt.

Conflicted Me: But you always thought your blog would be purer if you kept ads off it.

Sensible Me: I did, but then I considered how much time I put into writing stories that entertain others.

Conflicted Me: You think this is entertaining?

Sensible Me: Shut up.

Conflicted Me: You once said your day job pays the bills, but blogging makes you rich. Did you really mean rich, as in a millionaire?

Sensible Me: No, stupid. I meant that it gave me an outlet to write for the masses. To hopefully give others something to chuckle about for five minutes during the day. It’s my passion.

Conflicted Me: But that didn’t mean you had to get paid for it, did it?

Sensible Me: No, but it started sounding like a viable option when Dave put it to me this way: “If you got your book published, you’d expect to be paid, right? So why are you giving away book material, one page at a time, for free?”

Conflicted Me: You think this stuff is book quality?

Sensible Me: Listen, jerk. I never said this was book quality or that I could ever actually publish a book. But it seems to me if I’m putting as much effort into the blog as I’d put into a book, then maybe it’s not a half-bad idea to get a little spare change along the way.

Conflicted Me: I bother you, don’t I?

Sensible Me: Yes, you do. Now could you get out of my head and let me be?

Conflicted Me: Sure, but have you thought about how your readers will feel about ads on your blog? Aren’t you worried they’ll go find someone else to read?

Sensible Me: Yes, but I’m willing to take the risk that maybe, just maybe, they could see the ads as an indirect way to put some dough in my pocket, and they’ll still feel enriched by reading something I wrote.

Conflicted Me: You’re really full of yourself, aren’t you?

Sensible Me: I’ve had about enough of you.

Conflicted Me: OK, but don’t come crying to me when all your readers leave and all you’ll have to celebrate your blog’s birthday is a cake and party hats with no one to pass them out to.

Sensible Me: Bite me. And you’re not invited! So there!

Conflicted Me: Suit yourself. I’m leaving. But we still have to discuss that $1 jar of mayo you forgot to pay for at the store last week. That’ll keep us up at night and you know it.

Note: While I did say yes to ads on my blog, I do have a little template tweaking to do. I plan to have two sidebars on the right, instead of just one so that the ads and other things can run on the right, while my other graphics will appear as before on the left.

And don’t worry. My face will stay right where it is. I know that’s the real reason you all come here.