Audio Annoyances Anonymous
Stuff I hate November 4th, 2007Last week I wrote about my superhero powers, which include the ability to hear sounds that no one else can hear.
My pal Jeff, over at View From the Cloud, wrote me to report that he also has some trouble with hearing noises that bother no one else. He suggested we may need a support group. Since it’s impractical for us to meet, what with Jeff in Minnesota and me in Pennsylvania, we’ve agreed to hold a meeting of sorts in our respective blogs. You, too, can join the group. Membership instructions follow.
But first, this is the part where you stand up, state your name, and announce all your problems to complete and total strangers. Let us begin.
Hi, my name is Kathy. Here are all the sounds that make my ears bleed.
Clashing radio stations — It’s one or the other, people. There is plenty of static in my head already. I don’t need Rush Limbaugh duking it out with the weather report.
Shiny, happy whistling people — I know I’m going to hell for this, but when I hear someone whistling, I want to shove a fistful of crackers in their mouths and see just how much they can whistle then.
Computer fans – I can hear the slightest fan noise in any make or model PC. I can also hear my external hard drive "breathing." I want to snuff it out, but I need it to, you know, backup my data. And so I allow it to live.
Sitar music or Japanese singing — Kill me. Kill me now.
Squeaky doors — None of my officemates were bothered by the squeak emitted by our office front door, although they did thank me after I blasted the door hinges with a can of WD-40. Seems they didn’t realize how loud it was until I silenced it. See, I’m not entirely crazy. Only partially.
TVs or radios playing in doctor’s offices — Last November I threw my back out and saw a chiropractor a couple times a week in December. All his patient rooms were outfitted with radios tuned to a station that played nothing but Christmas music. The day I had to listen to the Chipmunk song was the day I decided to delay the rest of my visits until January.
Leaf blowers — The only reason I don’t run over the guys who have gas-powered blowers strapped to their backs is because they must be living their own little hell. They are, after all, walking explosives.
Turn signals — I don’t let my husband put them on until he’s just about to make the turn. I don’t know how he puts up with me, and I’m sure if you’re a regular reader to my blog, you wonder the same thing. The man is a saint. Yeah, St. David, Patron Saint of Long-Suffering Husbands.
My neighbor with the RV — Every Sunday when he and his wife return from a trip, it takes him 15 minutes to back it into his too-small-for-an-RV driveway. Because it’s attached to a diesel-powered behemoth of a truck, I have to listen to it shake, rattle and roll as he backs it in while his wife screams at him "A little to the left, a little to the right!"
This concludes today’s meeting.
If you would like to join
our support group, check out Jeff’s post of sounds that annoy him. All you have to do is leave a comment on either of our blogs with one or more noises that drive you nuts and you’re automatically a member!
Meetings will be held on Wednesday evenings in a soundproof booth.
Addendum: The results of our first meeting are posted here.
Stumble it!
November 4th, 2007 at 1:21 am
You’re a sick woman my friend. But since the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, I would say you’re well on your way to recovery. See you on Wednesday!
November 4th, 2007 at 1:38 am
The neighbor kid just got a pogo stick. For the last three days, from 8Am to 9PM, all I can hear is boing! boing! boing!
November 4th, 2007 at 1:40 am
Marie — Hmmm, is there some way that maybe in the dead of night, the pogo stick can sort of, um, go missing?
Good luck with that. Maybe the kid will lose interest and lose his boing.
November 4th, 2007 at 1:45 am
Hi! my name is Peter. Here are some of the sounds that make my ears bleed.
Fly screen security doors – that the kids forget to close and continue to flap in the wind until I close them.
Loud conversations – that people have thinking that the rest of the world wants to hear them talk.
Regards
Peter
November 4th, 2007 at 1:49 am
@ Peter — Thanks for dropping by! Yeah, those doors. I can think of one way to remedy that. A screwdriver. Rip that thing right off its hinges!
And loud people? I have no problems staring directly at them to try and shut their traps. This embarrasses my husband, but it silences the morons pretty quick, all without saying a word.
Your and Marie’s membership cards are in the mail.
November 4th, 2007 at 2:34 am
Hi. I’m Maureen. And I have a problem with one particular sound that is heard EVERYWHERE nowadays…
One-sided cell phone calls. With the person in the supermarket, mall, public bathroom, car, restaurant, gas station or simply walking down the street speaking in the loudest voice possible. And it wouldn’t be half bad if the one side of the conversation that I am privy to was at least entertaining… but no. How do the most boring people in the world have someone to communicate with everywhere they go????
Thank you for listening.
November 4th, 2007 at 2:40 am
@ Maureen — Great to have you on-board. I feel your pain. I once had a conversation with a woman who was on her cell phone in a bathroom stall. When I heard the flush, I quickly ended the conversation. I didn’t even want to consider how exactly she managed her business while she was talking to me. Amazing.
Feel better. We’re here for you.
November 4th, 2007 at 6:08 pm
My name is Julia, and my ears bleed at the sound of:
Screaming babies
Cicadas/locusts/crickets
Silence, when I’m trying to sleep (I need white noise)
People who can’t eat without clicking their utensils against their teeth
Anyone snoring
Excessive throat-clearing
Our neighbors from Montenegro blasting their native music on their car stereo when they park in their BACKYARD
Our neighbors across the street who only seem to get cellphone reception in front of our house
That noise trucks make when they’re backing up
Our phone
November 4th, 2007 at 6:31 pm
Group, I think we’ve hit the jackpot with J.D.’s noises. Worst on your list as far as I’m concerned are cicadas. I know they’re probably good for the environment in some way (anyone know?), but their noise really does HURT my ears.
I’m lucky I don’t have people who live nearby and play music too loudly. But we used to have neighbors whose kids got a drumset at some point and would play them in the garage with the door open so that all the neighbors could hear how bad they were. They’ve since moved, thankfully.
November 4th, 2007 at 7:51 pm
Good blog Kathy. I spent way too much time here.
Only problem is that it seems that you respond to all your commenters. And that makes people like me look bad!
November 4th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
@ Terry — Thank you for spending some time here. And come again. The Junk Drawer is always open.
I just love your Bent Objects blog. Extremely original and creative. I’m spending some time working my way through your archives. Excellent work!
The visitor to your blog who suggested you get into greeting cards was right on!
November 4th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
Well, my name is Regan. I get annoyed at the sound of:
The ticking of a clock.
Crickets
Snoring
My alarm clock
People who blast their stereo
My mom’s nagging voice
People who scream at their video games because their guy ‘died’
Yup. That’s it.
November 5th, 2007 at 12:29 am
Hmmm, Regan. I’m not sure your mother would agree with you on #6 🙂
Let’s hope everyone has a nice, quiet, annoyance-free day tomorrow!
November 5th, 2007 at 12:32 am
I seem to have the same super sonic hearing, but in addition to that I have the nose of a bloodhound.
Usually that’s a bad thing. No one ever smells like cinnamon, usually it’s nasty body odors, of all varieties.
Yuck.
November 5th, 2007 at 12:38 am
Cardiogirl — Jeff has a problem with smells, as well. He mentioned he might need to do a post about that also. I’m sorry for your olfactory problem. I know it can’t be easy, body odors and all. Why is it that people who smell can’t smell themselves?
November 5th, 2007 at 1:33 am
Hi there, just stopped in from Jeff’s place and promptly added you to my favorite list. Don’t mind me I will jump in every once in awhile.
Noise? What noise, deaf as a doorknob. And really what does that mean? Of course the people around will probably say her voice – oh my gawd – does she ever shut up? Yeah thats me.
November 5th, 2007 at 10:48 am
Gale — Glad you could make it. Pull up a chair. You can talk all you want. Maybe you can be our meeting facilitator.
Thanks for favoriting me. Hope to see you back in the Drawer soon!
November 5th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
I have the same “super power”…cool. I thought I was the only one. I remember when I first became aware that I possessed super hearing. My parents had bought and installed one of those fancy Christmas tree light strands…the ones with which you use a “remote” to change the blinking pattern. The “remote” was essentially a hollow, soft plastic whistle that when you squeezed it, air would shoot out of a tiny hole and the light pattern would change. They could squeeze that damn thing a room away, and I could hear it. Set my teeth on edge.
Of course, I am also able to control this vast super power to the point where I can “not hear” my wife (now ex) when she speaks.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:15 pm
Styrofoam or cardboard being cut, or when it’s rubbing together. For some reason it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. My husband thinks I’m crazy.
November 5th, 2007 at 3:07 pm
@ Steve — I can’t imagine the hell Christmas became for you, what with the satanic tree lights. Doesn’t it feel better to know you’re not the only one with the curse of hyper-sensitive hearing? Oh, and congrats on the ex-wife thing. I’m
sure you’re the envy of many men.
@LindaF — I have that problem too! People sometimes understand the styrofoam problem, but rarely “get” the cardboard thing. When pieces of cardboard rub together, I can feel it in my teeth! As you say, it’s just as bad as fingers on a chalkboard. For me, perhaps worse.
Glad you stopped by, and thank you for posting my ugly fish mailbox. I’m honored. Also, I can’t believe you have an entire Marine Mailbox category. I’m scared a little.
November 5th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
We have a local radio station that starts playing Christmas music the week before Thanksgiving and plays NOTHING else until midnight on Christmas. Everybody hates it.
Japanese music. Yeah, I’d kill you if I weren’t too busy killing myself.
November 5th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Mom Thumb — I got a sinking feeling on Sunday when I saw my grocery store shelves were packed with Christmas candy in the place where Halloween candy was just a few days before. The Chri$tmas season is apparently two months long now. I pity people who work in offices where they play Christmas music all day. There should be a law against that.
Japanese music — I thought I was the only one who couldn’t cope. Thank you for hating it, too.
November 6th, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Hello everyone,
I’m Bennie. It’s good to know that there are many others like myself…you! 🙂
Anyhow, of all the noises that rattle my cage, there’s one that drives me ape-s.h.i.t! Seriously, the sound of an obnoxiouly loud car stereo makes me want to toss a grenade at some inconsiderate jack@sses! It is an environmental hazard and a health threat. Don’t take my word for it. Talk to anyone with anxiety or high blood pressure.
In addition, I firmly believe that people who do the following, should be seriously fined or beheaded 🙂
-hockers and spitters who have no respect for public areas
-whistlers(I find it irritating especially while I’m trying to shop at some grocery store. The annoyance is even compounded if there’s already an ‘elevator music’ playing in the background).
-gum poppers…what the heck? Ladies, if you’re guilty of this habit, it is the most awesome display of female tacklessness! Whenever I see a member of the female specie chewing like a freaking cow, all I want to do…is mosie on over and say…..mooooooooo
Oh. let’s not forget all those nerve rattling hummers!
That’s all for now.
jeff, cardiogirl, mom thumb, lindaf, steve, peter, marie, maureen, jd, terry, gale and kathy-it’s nice to meet you all.
Do Swing by to see me sometime because I plan on dropping by to visit you as well.
Hope you all have a great day!
BD
November 6th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
Here’s some more things that annoy me:
Rap music
People who think I want to hear all about their life
Finger nails on a chalk board
Squeaky erasers
November 6th, 2007 at 9:50 pm
@ Bennie — Thanks for throwing in your 2 cents! I, too, hate the booming stereo noise. Just keep telling yourself “They won’t have any hearing left by the time they’re 40.” Maybe that’ll make you feel better 🙂 Glad you dropped by!
@ Regan — Since this is your second list, I think you need to come to the meetings on a regular basis. Can you bring donuts next week?
December 12th, 2007 at 3:16 pm
[…] Jeff’s list of noises that make our ears bleed, I’ve collected the ones left at the Pennsylvania chapter of our support group. Thank you Jeff, Marie, Regan, Peter, Maureen, JD, Terry, Cardiogirl, Gale, Steve, LindaF, […]